OOC

MomoChun · January 2014

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thejucheidea · January 2014

... don't talk about the wedding with her? She's probably worried because you were engaged so young and it went so badly, so she's wanting to look out for you so you don't make the same mistake again.

MomoChun · January 2014

Wzz · January 2014

the age difference at 21/24 seems a lot bigger of a gap than at age 31/34. anyway, can you see why she'd think you were rushing into this?

she is your mom and will probably always offer unsolicited advice about your life especially since she saw you go through a bad engagement once already. maybe i am old, but 2 engagements at 24 seems like a lot of big decisions at a young age. thank goodness the first didn't end in a bad marriage with a bad divorce. if you guys are close, then hopefully you can understand why she feels the way she does.

that said, if you're adamant about having the wedding may 2015, then just let her know that you can understand why she feels the way she does, and you're happy to answer any questions she may have to ensure that you're actually ready for this.

i'm more of the type of person to tell someone to mind their own business and prove them wrong by living a good life making good decisions, but that's just me.

ReturnOfKuus · January 2014

Your mom is probably right. Your FI is really, really young, just about as young as you were the last time you decided that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone and were mistaken.

MomoChun · January 2014

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Your fiance has never moved this fast before because he's not old enough to have moved this fast before.

You are both so, so, SO young. You're moving incredibly fast, and you're rushing head-long into decisions you don't seem emotionally ready to handle.

My DH and I met in August 2012, got serious in October 2012, got engaged in December 2012, and got married in October 2013. The difference is that we're a full decade older than your FI and almost a full decade older than you. That extra decade of life experience has helped enormously.

Your mother's concerns probably stem from your previous bad decision. Slow your roll, take time to get to know your FI, and hold off on wedding planning for a few years.

ReturnOfKuus · January 2014

"Your fiance has never moved this fast before because he's not old enough to have moved this fast before."

I thought that was worth repeating.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

I'm assuming you were hurt and heart broken when your first engagement was called off and that was to a guy that you had known for several years. My guess is that your mom just wants to make sure you are going into this with your eyes wide open and not just an open heart because she doesn't want to see you hurt again. Just keep talking to your mom about your FI and all the great things about him that you love and the wonderful things he does for you. Give her time. Sounds like she wants to be happy for you, but just wants to make sure she is doing her job and protecting you from a broken heart if possible.

NOLABridesmaid · January 2014

Does being married mean you're going to be stationed in the same place? Is that the strong motivation to get married so quickly?

I would tell any 21 year old to just date. You have time, and the good eggs on your side. There is no rush.

Fran1985 · January 2014

So you have been dating for two months? I'm all for "knowing" at two months, but try to put yourself in your moms shoes. This is extrememly fast. Tell your mom that you hear her concerns and that you will think about them.

rainbows0215 · January 2014

As an older person(47) I feel that people should get to know each other before anybody gets engaged. In the beginning of all relationships we are at our best in time that changes, you need to know that is the kind of person you can live with the rest of your life. I feel that is why she is upset.

KatWAG · January 2014

First things first. Loose the green/ centered font. Its hard to read. And only exemplifies your youth.

Secondly, I would listen to your mom. You and Fi are super young and havent known each other for more than 5 minutes. I think your mom is warranted in her hesitation.

You say your are super close to your mom. Talk to her. Have your fi get to know her.

Simky906 · January 2014

You and your fiancé are rather young and did get engaged quickly; that's all an outsider can see in this situation so it can absolutely make people who care about you be a bit worried. I would suggest premarital counseling for you two (as I do for pretty much everyone who is getting married) so that you can be 100% sure that you're on the same page in regards to the big life issues that you'll face. Maybe even grab a copy of 101 questions to ask before you get engaged. Already engaged or no, it absolutely brings up subjects every couple should consider. If your mother can see that you two are thinking everything through and share the same ideas with regards to your future plans perhaps that will lessen her worries.

HeatherRene83 · January 2014

Word of advice.... I've been in your shoes before. I DID get married young and way too fast . And it ended up with divorce and bankruptcy for me. It messed up my life so bad. No one really knows your relationship like you so I'm by no means trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. But just take your time...please. Think about it long and hard and if there are any red flags do not ignore them and address them at the very least.Deep down I knew my first marriage was wrong before walking down the isle, but I was in a rush and wanted to prove everyone wrong. It completely ruined my life for a very long time. In not saying don't do it, just get to know him better. ..get to know each other better. I wish I would have listened to those close to me my first time around.

Knottie37373131 · January 2014

You are the first person I have seen with the same wedding date as myself! I am also getting married May 15, 2015, but we are getting married in Jamaica. We actually both still have to tell our parents sometime this week, and I hope they are all on board with it. I know it is hard to plan your wedding when you have situations like this. You have obviously been through this before so you know what it is like for something not to work out. This wedding is about you and your fiance so let your mom know that this is truly what you want and its right. You are in a hard situation but I am learning quickly that when it comes to weddings you will never be able to please everyone.

SJohnson82 · January 2014

I think you need to ask yourself one big question: If it wasn't for the military and timing with regards to that (which I also know about) - would you guys even be engaged? Statistically speaking it takes a good 2-4 years before you ever thoroughly "know" someone, and the infatuation stage alone can last for up to 6 months after you first begin dating. After that time, actual experience with that person has been had, how you engage as a couple has been shown, and you will have a better idea on how compatible you both really are. In other words, the rose colored glasses come off and you can make solid decisions that don't only stem from feelings of "love" - you will have some facts to rely on as well. It doesn't sound romantic, I know, but divorce from getting married too quickly/young isn't romantic either. Slow down girl - if he's the one time is on your side regardless -- listen to the wise women in your life.

zitiqueen · January 2014

WishesComeTrue5 said:

You are the first person I have seen with the same wedding date as myself! I am also getting married May 15, 2015, but we are getting married in Jamaica. We actually both still have to tell our parents sometime this week, and I hope they are all on board with it. I know it is hard to plan your wedding when you have situations like this. You have obviously been through this before so you know what it is like for something not to work out. This wedding is about you and your fiance so let your mom know that this is truly what you want and its right. You are in a hard situation but I am learning quickly that when it comes to weddings you will never be able to please everyone.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you are also very young.

CrystaH11 · January 2014

Your mom has a right to be concerned, that is fast and things change a lot as you continue your relationship.

I'm getting married at 25, to a man I've been dating since I was 15. Here's the difference between what I did and what you're doing. We stayed together after high school but still went to our colleges, 200 miles apart, of choice and did our own thing, still being in a relationship together. Then after college I went across the country for an internship, he proposed when he came to visit (we were 23). When I came back we moved in together to make sure things would still work out how we imagined. Our engagement lasted 2 years, and we will be getting married in July.

While we may have been together starting at a young age, we still made sure we experienced things and the world a little on our own, lived together,and got our careers started before we knew for sure we wanted to be together forever. We knew we wanted to be together before then, but we also knew that after high school our worlds and lives would change a lot. We made sure of the fact that even through those changes that happened, we still wanted to be together.

Honestly, if you really want to be together, it won't change from now and 1 year from now. Take your time, get to know each other more, and make sure this is what you want.

MomoChun · February 2014

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