Inviting Friends to non-hosted after party

Jesso84 · January 2014

To cut down on our costs we have decided to have a small private ceremony to include immediate family. Followed by a cocktail hour and Dinner. We plan on hosting all of this. After the family dinner we would like to invite all of our friends to celebrate and party at the hotel bar. We were not planing on hosting this portion of the evening. We would of course request that no one brings gifts. But for some reason it still seems tacky or cheap. Is there a tasteful way to set this up?

melbelleup · January 2014

You don't request to anyone not to bring gifts. You can just tell your friends "hey if you want to hang out we'll be at _____ at ____ time."

Jesso84 · January 2014

Thanks, so no formal invitation is needed for this kinda thing. Do you think a group text/email would be okay?

Inkdancer · January 2014

Text or email should be okay, but don't do it too far in advance. This should be totally casual.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Not really if its actually an event. You can always shoot your local friends an email telling them where you plan to go out that night. (e.g., Hey! We plan on grabbing drinks at x bar on Saturday night. We'd love to see you if you're in town. We'll be over there at 8.). I would also ditch your dress before heading over to the bar.

Teddy917 · January 2014

I think even a group text/email would be considered an invitation, therefore requiring you to host. Just spread by word of mouth.

Jesso84 · January 2014

ok great thanks.. The other idea we are kicking around is invited people for after party with champagne toast and cupcakes provided by us. Does that just add insult in injury?

Inkdancer · January 2014

Question for everyone: If it is partially hosted, does it make a difference? I.E. FI and I want to have an afterparty also, and are willing to pay for a few rounds of drinks for anybody who shows. However, we're not going to stay out crazy late and we don't want to open a tab we can't afford. What would be the best way to handle that?

ETA: We will not be inviting anyone who wasn't invited to the wedding. We are having a lunchtime wedding for various reasons, but still want to go out and dance and party with people later that night.

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea to invite people who weren't invited to the wedding. It feels like a consolation prize for those that didn't make the cut for the real deal. I would save the friends' night for a week or two after if you aren't inviting them to the wedding.

Teddy917 · January 2014

Still word of mouth

manateehugger · January 2014

Jesso84 said:

ok great thanks.. The other idea we are kicking around is invited people for after party with champagne toast and cupcakes provided by us. Does that just add insult in injury?

Yes, this is a tiered reception. They are good enough to show up and celebrate you, but not good enough to be fed. Don't do it. This is really rude.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Jesso84 said:

ok great thanks.. The other idea we are kicking around is invited people for after party with champagne toast and cupcakes provided by us. Does that just add insult in injury?

I would not do this. This goes into that tiered reception area.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Although nothing says you can't buy your friends a round of champagne if they come by. Same way you'd buy a round of beer while watching football.

Jesso84 · January 2014

What if we hosted everyone's drinks? Does that still fall into the tiered reception?

Inkdancer · January 2014

Yes, it is still a tiered reception. If someone is invited to part of the celebration that happens after the wedding, but not another part, it is considered a tiered reception.

There is a way to get around this, but it is a little dicey: you can have a very small, very intimate ceremony (just immediate family) and then a very large reception. You have to be careful with this, though, because inviting 20 people to watch you get married and then 40 people to have dinner with you is not etiquette-approved.

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

MyNameIsNot said:

Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea to invite people who weren't invited to the wedding. It feels like a consolation prize for those that didn't make the cut for the real deal. I would save the friends' night for a week or two after if you aren't inviting them to the wedding.

This 100%. I don't think you should invite your friends to anything, casual or not, on the day of your wedding if you will not be having them at your ceremony or reception.

Can you change the time of your event? If you have a 2 PM or 8 PM ceremony, with a reception to follow, you can just serve appetizers, cake, and drinks (alcoholic or not). You wouldn't need to feed your guests a full meal, so your budget will stretch further. Then you can continue the party with an un-hosted after party, but only inviting those who have been invited to ceremony/reception - no new guests added.

Jen4948 · January 2014

scribe95 said:

I know you are trying to find some kind of compromise but you made your choice to have a small wedding and as a result won't be hanging with a lot of your friends. It's the consequence of your choice. You could have had an afternoon wedding at a park with everyone if you wanted that . But you chose not to.

I find it rude to invite people out to any event after I wasn't invited to the wedding and reception.

I have to agree. If you don't want to invite them to your wedding, then you need to forgo "celebrating" it with them. There just isn't a polite way to "include" someone in your "celebration" who isn't invited to the underlying event you're celebrating.

sofakingmad · January 2014

In my circle, people show up on their own fruition to non-hosted after parties. I guess you just need to know your crowd.

Inviting Friends to non-hosted after party

Re: Inviting Friends to non-hosted after party

Choose Another Board

Search Boards