MOB overwhelming MOH

Re: MOB overwhelming MOH

• cowgirl8238 member

  

  January 2014

  First off congrats on the pregnancy!

  That is very rude of the MOB to do that to you.  I would sit down with her and tell her that you can only afford X guests from her list.  You need to host the party you can afford.  If she keeps persisting then unfortunately you probably will have to go to the bride and tell her about what happened.  I don't know what you were planning but are there any other ways to cut down costs to be more accomdating (just to keep the peace)? 

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• cookie0803 member

  

  January 2014

  Thank you! I don't know why I didn't think to tell her that immediately. I'm really hoping she just backs off. I know she had already told several people that they'll be invited to the shower I'm hosting before she even mentioned it to me, so I'm assuming she'll be the one to address the "miscommunication" with those guests.

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• cookie0803 member

  

  January 2014

  cowgirl8238 said:

  First off congrats on the pregnancy!

  That is very rude of the MOB to do that to you.  I would sit down with her and tell her that you can only afford X guests from her list.  You need to host the party you can afford.  If she keeps persisting then unfortunately you probably will have to go to the bride and tell her about what happened.  I don't know what you were planning but are there any other ways to cut down costs to be more accomdating (just to keep the peace)? 

  Thanks!! 

  
  

  I could add some of MOBs guests to the shower without much issue, but definitely not all 20ish. It's already not a very extravagant party, we're using a bridesmaid's house (I live out of state, so mine isn't an option), and the 3 bridesmaids did all offer to help decorate, but I'm the only one supplying food, decorations, and activities. Anything that can be handmade I've been making/will make, but unless someone else wants to pitch in (and I'm sure they would have offered if they could), I don't know how to be much more accommodating, unfortunately.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014

  I'd tell the MOB that you can afford to invite X guests at either your house or a venue that costs Y, anything above those numbers you will not do, and she needs to apologize and clarify the situation to anyone she invited whom you can't host.  If she still gives you a hard time, then I think you will have to go to the bride and tell her that unfortunately, you can no longer host her shower because it is not possible for you to accommodate everyone her mother wants to invite.
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  January 2014

  I would also give the other BMs a heads up on what MOB is doing.  So if the MOB calls any of them, they can just say I'm not sure of what the plans are, why don't you contact cookie.  

  
  

  I would contact the MOB again and say that you are sorry, but you cannot accommodate any of her guests for the shower she initially planned.  Tell her you are on a tight budget and can only afford to host the guest list you have.  Then if MOB actually offers money (instead of just a dish!), you can decide from there if the money MOB is offering is sufficient to host all her guests.  And don't be afraid to tell her that you will think about any monetary offer and let her know what you decide.  Don't just guess on the phone if you can properly host everyone, crunch whatever numbers you need to and call her back.

  
  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  Ditto PPs -- I would call the MOB and say, "I can permit you (not AFFORD, PERMIT, so she realises that you're doing her a favour) to add X number of guests from your list to the shower I am hosting. Please tell me their names and addresses by Y date."

  
  

  If she says ANYTHING else to you about you being able to afford it because you just got married and she's sure you made out well (which is so appalling I can barely type those words), I would say to her, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise that my and DH's personal finances were any of your business or concern. I'm not sure what gave you that idea, but let me disabuse you of that notion right now. My finances are none of your concern and do NOT bring it up to me again. Are we clear?"

  
  

  If she has told people that they will be invited to a shower she is not hosting, well, that's on her. If she brings that up say, "You realise, do you not, that by not hosting your own shower, you have abdicated hostessing rights -- including issuing invitations -- to the one that I am hosting? Should you like to have those rights re-instated, you are welcome to contribute financially to this shower, but until you do and we have the money in hand, your requests will be given due consideration but not necessarily granted, as you are not hosting and we are."

  
  

  I would also alert the other BMs that you have this problem and that you're handling it so she doesn't try to play both sides against the middle. 

  
  

  Also, eventually it's going to be brought to the bride's attention when her mother doesn't throw her a shower, so as kind as it is that you want to protect your friend, it's unrealistic. 

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• clarke10 member

  

  January 2014

  Just tell her you can't afford to host anymore guests. That was really rude of her to drop that on you. 

  

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