PEW

jlove0928 · January 2014

climbingsingle · January 2014

I don't think any of us is going to be able to answer this for you. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him though, because this sounds troubling. Don't let him brush it off. Don't just mention it - tell him that you need to talk to him, tell him how you're feeling. Try to get to the bottom of what is going on.

manateehugger · January 2014

Yeah, you need to have a come to Jesus talk with him. Is it possible he's in panic mode about the upcoming commitment?

princessleia22 · January 2014

I agree that you need to talk to him. Hopefully he isn't one of those guys that figures he doesn't need to win you over anymore now that he has you nailed down. Or they type that thinks he owns you now that you have a ring on your finger. Of the type of that changes to be completely possessive and controlling after getting engaged or married. He could also have some commitment panic now that it's official. It's a big life decision. Have you been doing a lot of wedding planning and talk since the engagement? It's normal, but it could still freak him out and he may just need a little while to adjust to being engaged before he starts trying to adjust to planning a wedding or being a husband. Or it could be nothing at all. You won't know until you force him to have a serious talk about it or just wait it out and see if it gets better.

KatWAG · January 2014

Sit down and have a real talk with him. Dont give him the opportunity to brush off the conversation.

vt&dt · January 2014

I'm with PPs. This could be a huge red flag. It's likely that it's planning talk is overwhelming, or something like that - but it also could be more serious.

I was engaged once before, and my ex changed from one person to another after we got engaged. I'm SO lucky that it was after the engagement instead of waiting until after the wedding.

Just keep that in mind as you have the conversation. It could be nothing, but keep that long-term perspective fresh just in case. Best of luck.

HaileyDancingbear · January 2014

Ok, to start off, I'm going to really stress that I have no idea who you or your FI are, and I'm only going by what I'm reading here, so take what I say with a grain of salt. You should DEFINITELY talk to your FI about how you feel because nobody on here can give you a perfect solution, just educated guesses.

That said, I can think of multiple reasons your FI may be acting differently, as I saw the same behavior in my MOH's last relationship. Chances are you may be having similar issues they had, although you have the chance to fix them.

The first issue they had, was that he got way too comfortable- he was convinced she'd never dump him, so he stopped putting any effort whatsoever into the relationship. He'd blow her off and ignore her calls and stop taking her on dates etc. Maybe your FI is having a similar reaction to getting engaged, in which case he probably doesn't even realize what he's doing and how it's making you feel. The solution to that is simply to let him know how you feel. If my MOH had told her SO how she felt a lot sooner than she did, they could have resolved it.

The second issue they had was that while he didn't feel the need to put effort into the relationship, he also felt pressured not to upset her- which means when she did anything that upset him or bothered him, instead of asking her to stop he just didn't say anything, and bottled all of that up. It became VERY clear at the end that since he'd been bottling everything up inside, he grew to resent her.

So again, I really, really have to stress this, communication is key. Not only should you let your FI know how you feel, you should make sure he lets you know how he feels. You should discuss your emotions with each other WITHOUT YELLING. If you start yelling at each other you're not going to feel as comfortable expressing yourselves in the future. It is SO much easier to point out a problem you have with someone early on, because yeah, it may end up hurting their feelings for a little while, but it's SO much better than letting your annoyance slowly fester into resentment. If something is on your FI's mind, let him get it out now, and even if he says something that stings, don't yell. You can explain that you feel hurt, just don't yell.

If my MOH's SO had explained his frustrations early on, she could have explained WHY she acted the way she did, and it would have maybe hurt her feelings for a little while, but she'd try to reform her behavior and that simple conversation early on could have prevented the absolute shit storm their relationship became. (I honestly blame like 90% of their breakup on him not speaking up, and I'm honestly still LIVID at him for how he handled the entire situation, because he really put her through hell because he didn't have the balls to speak up early on and instead decided to be a massive ass.)

Alh728 · January 2014

I experienced the SAME problem. It's def really upsetting-my man kept brushing it off too but when it continued I had to flat out tell him you can't propose and then start acting weird-is there somethjng up that I should know or what's going on? And his deal was that even though he knew he wanted to marry me it was all suddenly real (no shit). We've been together 6 years and have a great relationship but putting the ring on my finger and now hearing actual wedding talk was what finally made him feel tied down and a little scared. But i simply told him that it was scary for me too but especially going INTO a marriage we need to go through it as a team and he can't be acting like this that obviously by proposing planning would be what you're going to hear about next so you're ready or you're not! And he got with the program we just agreed I would do majority of the planning with just running ideas by him so less wedding talk for him. They don't like this part it's for us girls to "enjoy" (stress entirely over everything

jlove0928 · January 2014

Thanks all. We talked about it and turns out, he just needed a little time to decompress from proposing before jumping into all the wedding talk. He wasn't prepared to go immediately from proposing to all of our friends asking for dates and details and just kind of got grumpy. He's back to normal now and just as wonderful as before.

Thanks for all the advice/thoughts

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