Cheaters- all the ones I know are women!

jenna8984 · January 2014

I'm seriously losing my mind with the cheating epidemic lately. I am not exhaggerating, as of yesterday I now know 11 women who have cheated on their long time boyfriend or husband. These are women my age (mid-late 20's) and they were all full blown affairs, not one drunk night. I'm absolutely appalled. Two of them were married less than 6 months when they started the affair!!!!!! I just can't wrap my head around it. To make matters worse, I have met all the men and they seem amazing- none of them seem like an abusive douche who had it coming (even if they were a DB I don't ever condone cheating). Have you seen a lot of this??

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

Most of the cheating I've witnessed has been by the husband/boyfriend. That's not to say that women don't cheat -- however, there is a significant disparity in the statistical incidence rate between men and women.

Are the women you know in the same or similar social circles? A lot of our behaviour is learned via social groups -- if the group deems it acceptable to any degree, a person is more likely to be open to that idea or behaviour. If the social group shuns that type of behaviour, the person is less likely to partake, for fear of being cast out of the group (unless they aren't fond of the group to begin with).

ETF spelling, like always. Silly iPad.

chibiyui · January 2014

People of both gender have the capacity to be shitty people.

Shocking.

melbelleup · January 2014

I cheated a lot when I was in college and fresh out of college... actually, my FI is the first guy I haven't cheated on in a long time.. like.. since I was 15-18. That being said, a lot of my guy friends are cheaters as well. I'm the only girl I know of out of my friends.

climbingsingle · January 2014

Yeah, I'd say it's split 50/50. I know women that have cheated, I know men that have cheated. Both do it.

pinkcow13 · January 2014

Yea same here I think I see it on both ends. I read somewhere that cheating amongst women is supposedly on the rise, and that women are better at covering it up. But yea I would think it's 50/50. At work I see both male and female cheaters.

jenna8984 · January 2014

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.

@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

smalfrie19 · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.
@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

just ftr because people are cheaters doesn't make them have no conscience....its not an excuse, but from my experience, its because people are lacking something they need in a relationship and their partner isn't providing it.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.
@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

just ftr because people are cheaters doesn't make them have no conscience....its not an excuse, but from my experience, its because people are lacking something they need in a relationship and their partner isn't providing it.

afox007 · January 2014

I cheated a lot when I was in college and fresh out of college... actually, my FI is the first guy I haven't cheated on in a long time.. like.. since I was 15-18. That being said, a lot of my guy friends are cheaters as well. I'm the only girl I know of out of my friends.

***Stuck in the box*** I was the same way I remember calling my best friend recently and she was shocked when we realize that for the first time I have been monogamous since my first date with FI.

jenna8984 · January 2014

smalfrie19 said:

jenna8984 said:

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.
@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

just ftr because people are cheaters doesn't make them have no conscience....its not an excuse, but from my experience, its because people are lacking something they need in a relationship and their partner isn't providing it.

I realize that's why people do it, but I've always been a firm believer in deal with your relationship first (AKA BREAK THE HELL UP) then you can go mess around with whomever you like.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

smalfrie19 said:

jenna8984 said:

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.
@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

just ftr because people are cheaters doesn't make them have no conscience....its not an excuse, but from my experience, its because people are lacking something they need in a relationship and their partner isn't providing it.

I realize that's why people do it, but I've always been a firm believer in deal with your relationship first (AKA BREAK THE HELL UP) then you can go mess around with whomever you like.

as a previous cheater myself I agree. But sometimes its not as easy as that. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I wanted to get out, but it was hard. If anything I was trying to use the cheating as a reason TO get out. Like I said its not an excuse and I know it wasn't right and I wouldn't FATHOM cheating on my FI, but its not always "black and white" either.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

smalfrie19 said:

jenna8984 said:

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.
@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

just ftr because people are cheaters doesn't make them have no conscience....its not an excuse, but from my experience, its because people are lacking something they need in a relationship and their partner isn't providing it.

I realize that's why people do it, but I've always been a firm believer in deal with your relationship first (AKA BREAK THE HELL UP) then you can go mess around with whomever you like.

as a previous cheater myself I agree. But sometimes its not as easy as that. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I wanted to get out, but it was hard. If anything I was trying to use the cheating as a reason TO get out. Like I said its not an excuse and I know it wasn't right and I wouldn't FATHOM cheating on my FI, but its not always "black and white" either.

melbelleup · January 2014

afox007 said:

I cheated a lot when I was in college and fresh out of college... actually, my FI is the first guy I haven't cheated on in a long time.. like.. since I was 15-18. That being said, a lot of my guy friends are cheaters as well. I'm the only girl I know of out of my friends.
***Stuck in the box*** I was the same way I remember calling my best friend recently and she was shocked when we realize that for the first time I have been monogamous since my first date with FI.

Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one. It sounds bad, but it's just kind of how it worked. At one point my x-bf and I were both cheating on the other. I knew, he didn't.

JennyColada · January 2014

I know very few people of either gender who have cheated. I'm sure that partially is just because I tend to surround myself with some...alternative people (many of us are in open or poly relationships, so we tend to excommunicate anyone who doesn't 100% believe in open and honest communication).

I'd imagine that anyone who might be comfortable with cheating would just not have much in common with me and my friends.

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

smalfrie19 said:

jenna8984 said:

I didn't even find this acceptable behavior when I was in high school and college. There were more than one occasion when guys I thought were cute tryed to hook up with me and I said no because they had a girlfriend! I wasn't even the one being a cheater and I still felt wrong and said no. I just don't get how these people have no conscience about it.
@pumpkinsandturkeys no most of them are my friends from various parts of my life (high school, college, work) and don't know each other. That whole "clique" like on Friends- I don't have one of those lol

just ftr because people are cheaters doesn't make them have no conscience....its not an excuse, but from my experience, its because people are lacking something they need in a relationship and their partner isn't providing it.

I realize that's why people do it, but I've always been a firm believer in deal with your relationship first (AKA BREAK THE HELL UP) then you can go mess around with whomever you like.

I agree that people should address their relationship issues before looking outside of their relationship for a fix -- however, the inherent problems aren't always obvious to the people in the relationship.

There are times when I've been unhappy with something in a relationship and that manifested itself in other ways or I attributed my irritability and stress to work, friends, family, etc. it wasn't until something major happened that I would realize that I actually was unhappy with the current state of my relationship and that it wasn't just outside stressors affecting me.

Hindsight is almost always 20/20; but when you're in the fog, it can be difficult to see clearly. As PP said, it's never an excuse (there is no excuse) -- but it is an example of why people don't just break up or fix things right off the bat.

Jessa617 · January 2014

I have to agree with Smalfrie here.

I've cheated once in my life and it was on my exH. I tried getting out of the relationship and tried leaving but it was really quite a difficult task with a physically and verbally abusive man. The first time I brought up leaving he trashed all of my stuff, including my clothes and told me he'd commit suicide. Of course I don't want to be the reason someone commits suicide. I started cheating on him and in the back of my mind I knew that it would break up our relationship. This was risky knowing his past behavior, but when I told him I was ready. I think he was too shocked to get physical, Instead he took it out on my stuff after I left the house. Even though it was what I thought was my only way out, I regret every bit of it to this day and I will never do that again.

Also, in my experience I'd say it's about 50/50 to people I know that are cheaters as to whether it's a man or a woman.

lc07 · January 2014

Jennycolada said:

I know very few people of either gender who have cheated. I'm sure that partially is just because I tend to surround myself with some...alternative people (many of us are in open or poly relationships, so we tend to excommunicate anyone who doesn't 100% believe in open and honest communication).

I'd imagine that anyone who might be comfortable with cheating would just not have much in common with me and my friends.

Or maybe they just haven't told you about it? Look, I bet there are people in ALL of our lives who are currently cheating or have cheated in the past. It's just not something that is talked about openly. (It's a secret most of the time.) I know women and men who have shared with me that they are or have cheated. I know that most of the other people in their lives have no idea about it.

JennyColada · January 2014

lc07 said:

Jennycolada said:

I know very few people of either gender who have cheated. I'm sure that partially is just because I tend to surround myself with some...alternative people (many of us are in open or poly relationships, so we tend to excommunicate anyone who doesn't 100% believe in open and honest communication).

I'd imagine that anyone who might be comfortable with cheating would just not have much in common with me and my friends.

Or maybe they just haven't told you about it?

Look, I bet there are people in ALL of our lives who are currently cheating or have cheated in the past. It's just not something that is talked about openly. (It's a secret most of the time.) I know women and men who have shared with me that they are or have cheated. I know that most of the other people in their lives have no idea about it.

I mean, I guess that's possible, it just seems like it'd be very hard to accomplish. And considering that we're all pretty open with each other about our alternative activities, it just seems pretty pointless to go behind someone's back like that.

cruffino · January 2014

I don't believe cheating is about something missing in a relationship. I think it's about something missing in the cheater.

KytchynWitche · January 2014

I agree with @cruffino, 100%. From the age of 14, I was a serial-cheater - for more than a decade. It was never because the relationship was lacking or my partner was bad, but because I wasn't happy with myself, and I somehow thought "If I sleep with him/her, it'll fix things and I'll be happy." Of course it never did.

When I was 25, I realised that I had to stop looking for happiness in other people, I took myself "off the market" completely. It was hard, especially with all my friends and family finding love around me, but I knew I wasn't ready to be anything to anyone else yet. It took more than a year for me to stabilise and find a fullness in myself, but once I did, everything fell into place. I met my FI and fell in love. And, with the exception of David Tennant, I haven't found myself so much as looking longingly at another person.

It's not about the partner, it's not about the relationship, it's all about the cheater.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

Jennycolada said:

I know very few people of either gender who have cheated. I'm sure that partially is just because I tend to surround myself with some...alternative people (many of us are in open or poly relationships, so we tend to excommunicate anyone who doesn't 100% believe in open and honest communication).

I'd imagine that anyone who might be comfortable with cheating would just not have much in common with me and my friends.

Well aren't you high up on that horse of yours...

Cheaters- all the ones I know are women!

Re: Cheaters- all the ones I know are women!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards