• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding Party

WP Bonding

Hello-

I'm the MOH in my FSIL's wedding (she was my MOH).  I thought it might be a good idea (and fun!) to have a girl's day with all of the bridesmaids.  They are all from different parts of the bride's life and as a result, not everyone knows each other. I'd love to a do a spa day with brunch, but I know spas can get pretty pricey. Does anyone have any ideas of what would be fun and affordable for 9 girls? 
Thanks!

Re: WP Bonding

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd go with just brunch. 

    doeydomelbelleup
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I personally think this is a nice idea. If any of the girls aren't interested, they don't have to attend. If I were a bridesmaid at a wedding I wouldn't mind going to brunch with the girls. I think just the brunch is a good idea. I would say just make it a casual thing so that no one feels like it is a duty or feel forced into it. 
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    melbelleupBBeninate
  • I love this idea and now may see if I can incorporate into my own WP!!!!
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I agree this should be handled in a very casual way and nobody should feel obligated, but I also think it's a cute idea.  Personally, I would love if my BMs became more close.  I wish my friends from different areas of my life would get to know each other a bit more.  I've never been a BM, but if I were, I think I wouldn't mind going to brunch and getting to know some women who have friends in common with me.  It's not like the BMs are total strangers.

    Just do brunch at an affordable restaurant, keep it casual, and emphasize they don't have to come if they are busy/ don't want to.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    Alexandrathgr8doeydoPrettyGirlLostMadHops21
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would be really annoyed to be expected to attend things like this as a BM.  I know some of my friends' friends.  If I wanted to have relationships with these people, I would.  If I'm not friends with them by the wedding, there's a reason.  

    Trying to force these interactions are just the sort of things that people complain about WPs requiring too much time and money.  
    RebeccaB88ei34SKPMMGP
  • I'd keep this very casual-brunch or maybe a movie. I don't think it's bad, but be ready for some declines. Not everyone is into this kind of stuff.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I really don't see the point. If they're going to become friends, it will happen with the wedding. I've never bonded with anyone in any of the weddings I've ever been in. Most of them I've never seen again. If I'd been invited to something like this, I'd think "WTF? Why?" and probably decline. It's just unnecessary and kinda pushy.
    ei34SKPMMGP
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2013
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2013
    I'm assuming this is something you will pay for, so I'll answer accordingly.

    Typically, this is called a bridal tea or bridal luncheon, and is held closer to the wedding. It is a way for the bride to thank her bridesmaids for being part of the wedding and for everyone to get to know one another. I think a brunch is probably the least expensive route (you could even host it at home and make it more affordable). Since I don't know what your budget is, it's hard to suggest many more "fun" things for that amount of people.

    The only other suggestion I have (since you like the spa idea) is to pay for everyone to get manis and pedis. That would be a nice, relaxing time. You could see about bringing in a couple of bottles of champagne or a jug of sangria as well. Perhaps the salon will give you a group discount (this is especially more likely if it's a salon you go to often). You could bring them eight new future clients!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Just have lunch or something simple. Manis of pedis might be nice, but don 't try to make a big event of it. Personally, I would not be interested in any kind of bonding day or experience if I were one of these bridesmaids. I don't really enjoying having to make small talk with people I don't know.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLostbuddysmom80
  • Just do something small. Honestly, they don't have to be friends. 
    image
    MGP
  • I think it's cute that you want everyone to get acquainted!  And if you bring it up and they're not interested, they don't have to attend - not your problem.  I understand the financial obligations that bridesmaids are under, but Groupon or Living Social is a great way to finance a much more inexpensive spa day. 
  • i think it's unnecessary, but if you really want to do it, here are some guidelines:

     

    Only do this if everyone already lives in the same area or has pre-existing plans to visit at the same time (for example they grew up there so will be around for holidays).  Do NOT ask people to travel or make a weekend out of this.  Also, do not ask people pay for anything at this event.  They have enough expenses on their plates already with wedding travel and attire, as well as any other activities (showers, bachelor/ette parties, etc) so they shouldn't be expected to pay for this event that they likely have very little interest in.  I would definitely have very little interest in it personally if I was a bridesmaid.  I'm a bridesmaid for my friend's wedding in May, her sister is the MOH, and I've never met her...and i don't anticipate meeting her before the rehearsal unless a shower is thrown.  Not a big deal.

     

    If you or the bride would like to host (ie PAY) for this event, then go ahead and send out invitations.  Maybe host a simple dinner party at your house.  If you want to do a spa day, you can always work that into the bachelorette party for whichever of the girls chooses to attend that.  It's possible that a spa day is out of budget for some of these ladies.

  • samyl0u said:
    Hello-

    I'm the MOH in my FSIL's wedding (she was my MOH).  I thought it might be a good idea (and fun!) to have a girl's day with all of the bridesmaids.  They are all from different parts of the bride's life and as a result, not everyone knows each other. I'd love to a do a spa day with brunch, but I know spas can get pretty pricey. Does anyone have any ideas of what would be fun and affordable for 9 girls? 
    Thanks!

    Not being forced to become part of a social group for a one-day event would be fun and affordable.

    AddieCakebuddysmom80artbyallieRebeccaB88
  • I was MOH in a wedding this last summer, and the other BMs all got together to get mani-pedis just before the wedding (a surprise for the bride).  They didn't bother inviting me because I lived "so far  away". 
    I would have loved to have gone and everyone said they had a really great time.  I think brunch would be a lot of fun too, but like others have said, make sure you make it obviously optional. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm kind of wondering why this has to be wedding related at all.  I've socialized with all sorts of people just because some women are "connecters" who invite all kinds of people to go out and about. That being said, I'm a bit introverted, so while I always have fun on these social occasions I rarely make new friends that I'd call on my own. It has to happen naturally and bridesmaid bonding is unlikely to truly happen. 

    Why can't you do some version of, "Hey, there's this great new wine bar I'm dying to try. Are you free next month to check it out with me?"  Or, "I could totally use a girls' night in with some chick flicks. Want to come over soon?"  Extend the same invite to everyone and see what happens. 
    ________________________________


    RebeccaB88Blue_BirdAshleyNicole1218
  • If you decide to do it make sure the rest of the BM know it's not mandatory. As you can see from pp not everyone would enjoy the idea of forced time together. Keep in mind that you'll be spending time with these girls at the wedding and possibly a shower, bachelorette party and rehearsal so there will be lost of time for you to get to know each other then.

    If you would like to get to know them prior to those events I think your idea of a lunch is good as that doesn't require a large time commitment and can be relatively inexpensive. Just remember to make it informal and low key.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think "bonding" is most likely to take place among wedding party members when the bride and groom don't try to force it on them.

    Casual, low-key events, such as the lunch you suggest, might work fine.  But a spa might be too intimate for people who don't already know each other.  Also, don't do any ice-breaker type things at those events.   Just introduce everyone and let them talk amongst themselves.

    Also, even in the best of circumstances, be prepared to accept that they may well not become friends and are just being civil to each other while they have to be in each other's company.  That's okay.  It's only a problem if they start giving each other a hard time.
  • *I've been on here frequently before I knew about when we would set our date for, but now I'm back for the duration! Woo!*

    Regarding your dilemna, I think it's pretty interesting how BM's are portrayed as just one big happy family in most movies and shows and all that. I think that's (mostly) exagerated. Mine, for example, are not gonna be friends. Period. I know this, but they all agree to suck it up and get along for my wedding, and I can't ask anything more from them. So don't feel like you have to force it on them. As PP's have said- low key, low cost, no pressure if you have to do it.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards