NWR: Hosting a baby shower with other people

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

I'm in the process of planning a baby shower ("sprinkle" is the better word I'd guess) for my best friend. There are about 4-5 of us all together that will be hosting it, though it will be in my home. What's the proper way to word the invitation? Does it matter who we have guests RSVP to? I just think listing 4-5 names on an invitation is a bit excessive but don't want to slight anyone.

jessicabessica · January 2014

Since it's at your house, I would just have all the RSVPs come to you. You could record them in a Google spreadsheet and share them with the other hosts to keep everyone in the loop, but it just seems easier to have RSVPs go to one person.

lyndausvi · January 2014

I would put all the names. I'm sensitive not to slight someone by taking their money and not getting "credit" for it so-to-speak. I would stop at last names and it something like

Hosted by,

Jan, Cindy, Marcia, Carol and Alice.

As far as the RSVP I would have one contact. Who that person might be is up to you, but I think as the homeowner it makes more sense to have you. Not because the others can't take RSVPs, but you are better to answer direction questions and such.

That said, I'm not sure the dynamics of the shower. So if it happens to be a joint family shower I don't think it's bad to have one person for each "side" act as the RSVP contact. People are strange and like to RSVP to people they know.

KeptInStitches · January 2014

@scribe95, I believe it's a shower for very little things - basically cute onesies, but no major items like a pack-and-play, stroller, etc.

kgd7357 · January 2014

scribe95 said:

What the heck is a sprinkle?

A sprinkle is a mini shower, where the gifts are usually smaller. They are common for a second baby, where your don't need any big stuff like strollers or cribs, but may need some refresher items (e.g., diapers, new bibs, extra onsies). I like them. Some people don't.

s-aries8990 · January 2014

scribe95 said:

What the heck is a sprinkle?

A sprinkle is a mini shower, where the gifts are usually smaller. They are common for a second baby, where your don't need any big stuff like strollers or cribs, but may need some refresher items (e.g., diapers, new bibs, extra onsies). I like them. Some people don't.

I think the "not liking it" comes in when people try to have large showers for a couple's second child -it can seem to be a bit AWish and gift-grabby. . I think a small gathering of close friends and family is totally fine.

Inkdancer · January 2014

I would have RSVPs directed to you, as the party is at your house and so you would be best able to answer questions.

I would not list the hosts' names on the invite.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

Its a new trendy thing. This is her 3rd baby, but her first girl. The other women insist on calling it a sprinkle since she wouldn't be "showered" with gifts due to this being baby #3, instead she'll be "sprinkled" with them. I personally think it's stupid and doesn't really matter what its called but hey. Peer pressure lol.

photokitty · January 2014

I'd list all the names in the body of the invite and then the name and phone number/ email to rsvp to near the bottom.

I would not attend a sprinkle - I'm not a fan of showers for second, third, etc kids. I'll buy you a present when the kids is born if I want to sprinkle something. I think they are gift grabby, sorry.

Inkdancer · January 2014

photokitty said:

I'd list all the names in the body of the invite and then the name and phone number/ email to rsvp to near the bottom.

I would not attend a sprinkle - I'm not a fan of showers for second, third, etc kids. I'll buy you a present when the kids is born if I want to sprinkle something. I think they are gift grabby, sorry.

I would show up to one like this since it's her first little girl. All she'd have would be boy clothes, so I would love to buy some cute little baby dresses!

photokitty · January 2014

Inkdancer said:

photokitty said:

I'd list all the names in the body of the invite and then the name and phone number/ email to rsvp to near the bottom.

I would not attend a sprinkle - I'm not a fan of showers for second, third, etc kids. I'll buy you a present when the kids is born if I want to sprinkle something. I think they are gift grabby, sorry.

I would show up to one like this since it's her first little girl. All she'd have would be boy clothes, so I would love to buy some cute little baby dresses!

I'd get her a cute baby dress when the baby arrived. But I think showers should only be for the first child.

I think it's the same as how we tell brides - if no one offers to throw you a shower you don't get one, but it's all good bc you don't need one to get married. If you have a kid of the other gender, you buy your own stuff or people give you gift bc they want to, not bc a party was thrown and they feel obligated. You don't need a shower or sprinkle bc you are having a girl after 2 boys.

But JMHO

Inkdancer · January 2014

@photokitty That's fair. I just really love celebrating babies. I love babies. BABIES.

csuave · January 2014

If you ask DH what a sprinkle is he will say "it is a co-ed baby party with appetizers, cake and drinking." He cracks me up because he says this so matter of factly and like he is in the know. Meanwhile that is only a description of the one sprinkle we went to together--not a definition!

It was for a good friend that was having baby #2 7-8 years after the first and she had gotten rid of all her stuff. Her friends were excited and offered to throw the sprinkle. We were happy to support her and had a good time at a well hosted party that was much more fun than the typical shower (IMO).

I went to one other sprinkle but we didn't call it that because I don't think we knew the term at the time and it was so informal it didn't need to be called anything! We have a close group of 7 girlfriends. One was having her second baby and it was a boy (she already had a girl). We all went to one friends house to celebrate with cupcakes, desserts, wine and baby clothes crafting. It was an infomal get together and everyone decided on their own to buy a little boy outfit or something.

The same group decided to get together to celebrate a friend's second baby girl. We went out to lunch, all paid for our own and only some people brought gifts.

I was happy to celebrate all of the above but I probably would not accept a formal invitation to a sprinkle outside of my closest friends groups.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Inkdancer said:

@photokitty That's fair. I just really love celebrating babies. I love babies. BABIES.

Me too! haha. I don't even have any yet, but I'm so excited for my friends that are having them.

lc07 · January 2014

I think it would be impolite to not mention who the hosts are. I agree with the PPs who suggest listing Hosted by: (hosts names here) and then an RSVP to: (a single person).

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

While I totally see everyone's points about 2nd, 3rd, etc showers I just feel all babies deserve to be celebrated. She had a larger shower for her first (before I knew her) but not for her second, as it was another boy and very close in age to her first. Well, that and no one threw one for her. A lot of the stuff she had for the boys is expiring or wearing out plus after two boys we kind of all want to make it rain pink :-)

We are planning this to be a very small, family and dear friends only. So, we'll make up about half the guest list. I know showers are gift giving occasions but can I word the invite in a different way? Like "Celebrate the pending arrival of ___ with us! Kristy's finally seeing pink!"? Something like that? Or is there no way to separate what we're doing from an actual shower?

Edited for spelling

Inkdancer · January 2014

I think that wording is perfect! As you're not calling it a shower, nobody will feel obligated to bring presents, and it will just be a gathering of close friends and family who want to celebrate the new baby.

photokitty · January 2014

acove2006 said:

While I totally see everyone's points about 2nd, 3rd, etc showers I just feel all babies deserve to be celebrated. She had a larger shower for her first (before I knew her) but not for her second, as it was another boy and very close in age to her first. Well, that and no one threw one for her. A lot of the stuff she had for the boys is expiring or wearing out plus after two boys we kind of all want to make it rain pink :-)
We are planning this to be a very small, family and dear friends only. So, we'll make up about half the guest list. I know showers are gift giving occasions but can I word the invite in a different way? Like "Celebrate the pending arrival of ___ with us! Kristy's finally seeing pink!"? Something like that? Or is there no way to separate what we're doing from an actual shower?
Edited for spelling

I agree all babies should be celebrated. I just don't think each one gets a shower. Showers are more about celebrating the mom. Birthdays are about the kid. That's why I'll give a birth present for the kids when they are born.

I get that you want to celebrate with a shower/ sprinkle, but I think that only the people who host it/ had the idea should do it. Once you start inviting others you are basically obligating them to buy something. IMHO after the first kid, regardless of gender or age difference, you should not have a shower and people should get the baby a gift if they want to- not bc they got invited and feel obligated. The absolute worst is when these people register again - so gift grabby.

To answer your question - I don't think it matters what you call it, it's going to be construed as a shower and the guests will feel obligated to bring a gift.

**I might just be extra edgy about his topic due to being invited to a baby shower on FB by someone I haven't seen in person in 5 years and wasn't invited to their wedding. But come to my shower, buy your own meal and bring a gift and diapers.**

jdluvr06 · January 2014

I think this is a cute idea. I understand the whole etiquette behind not having a shower for a second or third child but honestly I don't mind it. In my group we buy gifts for any baby no matter if it is the mom's first or fifth.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

I'm gonna play devil's advocate on my own post. If baby showers for subsequent babies aren't okay, why are wedding showers for subsequent weddings? A person's getting married for the second time, to a new FI. Arguable they'll have everything they need, either from their first marriage or from combining both of their things together. But it's still okay for someone to throw them a wedding shower. Because some of their stuff may have worn out, they may have lost some things in a divorce, and most importantly, people want to celebrate the new union.

So shouldn't a baby shower be seen in the same light? Depending on how far in age the new baby is from the older baby(ies) lots of stuff can be worn out, broken, the wrong gender (yes, I know this doesn't matter for many things). But most importantly, people want to celebrate a new life being brought to the world. I guess one way to remedy the mom vs. baby argument is to have the shower after baby is born, which, with her track record, is entirely possible!

I suppose it's a matter of how one views baby showers- either as a celebration of baby or of mom. But my biggest question- are we breaking etiquette by hosting this shower?

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

I'm not queen of etiquette so I won't answer that question.

But I do think that you are trying to do the right thing and are keeping it small. As a guest for any of my close friends, I would be thrilled to buy them some girl stuff and celebrate with them.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

acove2006 said:
I'm gonna play devil's advocate on my own post. If baby showers for subsequent babies aren't okay, why are wedding showers for subsequent weddings? A person's getting married for the second time, to a new FI. Arguable they'll have everything they need, either from their first marriage or from combining both of their things together. But it's still okay for someone to throw them a wedding shower. Because some of their stuff may have worn out, they may have lost some things in a divorce, and most importantly, people want to celebrate the new union.
So shouldn't a baby shower be seen in the same light? Depending on how far in age the new baby is from the older baby(ies) lots of stuff can be worn out, broken, the wrong gender (yes, I know this doesn't matter for many things). But most importantly, people want to celebrate a new life being brought to the world. I guess one way to remedy the mom vs. baby argument is to have the shower after baby is born, which, with her track record, is entirely possible!

I suppose it's a matter of how one views baby showers- either as a celebration of baby or of mom. But my biggest question- are we breaking etiquette by hosting this shower?

No, you're not breaking etiquette. You're celebrating a new life with a small, informal gathering.

Invitations aren't subpoenas. Anyone who gets invited to this and shares PPs opinions that they're tacky or rude can just not come. It's really that freaking simple.

I think sprinkles are fine if they're really small and just close family/friends. If I would give the baby a gift anyway, what does it matter if I do it at a sprinkle or when it's born?

Also, my go-to baby gift (for close friends anyway, which are also the only people whose showers I attend) is to crochet a baby blanket. They take me between 12 and 15 hours to make, and are labours of love. I'm currently working on one for a sibling of a baby for whom I made a blanket three years ago.

The first blanket I made is still perfectly useable. But it was also made for Oldest Baby. So should Oldest Baby be forced to give up her blankie because she's getting a sibling? Should Younger Baby only ever get hand-me-downs?

I think each baby deserves to be celebrated for the unique, amazing life he or she is, and I like making blankets for them.

Bottom line: no one ever has to attend something they think is rude, but having parties to celebrate a friend's life event when gifts aren't required is never rude.

photokitty · January 2014

acove2006 said:
I'm gonna play devil's advocate on my own post. If baby showers for subsequent babies aren't okay, why are wedding showers for subsequent weddings? A person's getting married for the second time, to a new FI. Arguable they'll have everything they need, either from their first marriage or from combining both of their things together. But it's still okay for someone to throw them a wedding shower. Because some of their stuff may have worn out, they may have lost some things in a divorce, and most importantly, people want to celebrate the new union.
So shouldn't a baby shower be seen in the same light? Depending on how far in age the new baby is from the older baby(ies) lots of stuff can be worn out, broken, the wrong gender (yes, I know this doesn't matter for many things). But most importantly, people want to celebrate a new life being brought to the world. I guess one way to remedy the mom vs. baby argument is to have the shower after baby is born, which, with her track record, is entirely possible!

I suppose it's a matter of how one views baby showers- either as a celebration of baby or of mom. But my biggest question- are we breaking etiquette by hosting this shower?

This is the reason I did not have a shower when I remarried. I do think it is gift grabby to have showers for second weddings, even if etiquette says it is ok.

lovesclimbing · January 2014

Personally, I love showers, of any sort, and happily go to them. I have been to showers for second babies, and I have enjoyed them and given a gift.

But then again, most of the showers that I have gone to tend to be what you guys call "sprinkles." I have been to probably a half-dozen baby showers and I have never attended one where big stuff; playpens, strollers, car seats, etc., were given. Usually it's baby clothes, diapers, pacifiers, toys, bibs, sippy cups or other dishes, a diaper bag, a nursing cover, etc.

Personally, and I know this is unpopular on these boards, I tend to think registering for and/or expecting big ticket items (at any kind of shower or a birthday or a wedding) is a little bit gauche. I guess it's just the circle I grew up in. Except for a set of dishes, I don't remember anything on our wedding registry above about $80-$90.

arrippa · January 2014

Put me in the group that don't like baby shower after you had one for your first kid. My cousin had a full on shower for her first, and two years later, she had a full on shower for her second baby (both girls). I side eye that!

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