can't delete, so this one is done

millerashley14 · January 2014

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pinkshorts27 · January 2014

millerashley14 said:

My fiance doesn't care what the wedding looks like. He says it's my day and I can do it how I want it. I need people to bounce ideas off of and I figured my (possibly) bridesmaids would be a good help. That's why I asked.

At first my FI was like that (for like 2 days), but then I started engaging him on ideas that could reflect him and us and he started getting excited. I kept repeating that it is our day and if I wanted "my day" I could have a birthday party! This should be a reflection of us. I knew he didn't want to think about venues right away so I engaged him in something else. I asked him for his guest list, who he thought should be our flower girl and ring bearer. I asked him if he thought James Bond movie table names or superhero names were more us (people may think that is silly, but it is really us... we aren't doing themes just silly table names).I asked him what he thought the groomsmen should where.

I gave him choices that I knew reflected both of us. If he didn't like the choices, he would start coming up with ideas on his own. But if I just said "what do you want for centerpieces?", he would have no clue. If I said "Would you prefer this style of centerpiece with flowers or this style with candles?" Then he has an opinion. He just has no clue of the options when I give him open-ended questions. If I show him ideas he become creative and inspired!

MadHops21 · January 2014

acove2006 said:

millerashley14 said:

I don't have close enough friends to have a maid of honor. My only best friend is literally my fiance. I have friends I want to be my bridesmaids, but none that I'd like to be my MOH. But I will HAVE to have help planning. I can't do this all by myself. Who do I ask? Do I get help from everyone? Help!

What you wrote here is very different than simply bouncing ideas of your friends and family. I completely agree with @laurynm84 in that your FI should be helping. He doesn't have to go all Martha Stewart on you but he should be able to give you input for your wedding. I can't believe that he really doesn't care what kind of food is served, where the reception and possibly ceremony is held, open bar vs. beer and wine only, or even having it be dry. Things like colors and décor you can bounce off your friends and family. Just don't make your wedding all you ever talk about..

Actually, my FI does not care at all about any of this. At all. He said I could make it pretty princess themed. It's a bummer since it's a celebration about our marriage, but that's just the way he is. Thankfully, I have my SIL who has offered help with planning.

AprilH81 · January 2014

If you have to have help (aside from your fiance) you are doing it wrong. Your bridal party are not there to do your planning and help you with your DIY projects. They have to buy a dress and show up with a good attitude.

If they offer to help you can accept, but you should never assign tasks/jobs to them or expect them to be at your side for every vendor meeting and site visit.

misshart00 · January 2014

AprilH81 said:

If you have to have help (aside from your fiance) you are doing it wrong. Your bridal party are not there to do your planning and help you with your DIY projects. They have to buy a dress and show up with a good attitude.

If they offer to help you can accept, but you should never assign tasks/jobs to them or expect them to be at your side for every vendor meeting and site visit.

All of this. And you don't need a MOH.

millerashley14 · January 2014

OK. never mind i guess.

Blue_Bird · January 2014

millerashley14 said:

I don't have close enough friends to have a maid of honor. My only best friend is literally my fiance. I have friends I want to be my bridesmaids, but none that I'd like to be my MOH. But I will HAVE to have help planning. I can't do this all by myself. Who do I ask? Do I get help from everyone? Help!

You don't need to have a maid of honor, and you wouldn't choose one to help you with planning, that's your fiance's job. It's good that he's your best friend, but the two of you are the ones responsible for planning the wedding. Go ahead and ask your friends to be your bridesmaids. :-)

ETA: If you don't really have any close friends, I suggest skipping bridesmaids altogether.

Rebl90 · January 2014

Hire a wedding coordinator if you are not able to plan your wedding by yourself.

Inkdancer · January 2014

I agree with previous posters. That said, if you truly need help, there are some things you can do.

Think about the specific tasks you need to achieve. Do you need someone to go shopping for your dress with you? Ask your best friends, or your mother.

Do you need help picking a venue? Ask other friends who have gotten married recently.

You can't force anyone to help you on DIY projects, but you can get advice and opinions from other people.

AddieCake · January 2014

You ask the other person getting married (aka your fiance).

doeydo · January 2014

Hire a wedding planner or something if you and your fiance need help planning.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

My sister is my MOH and the only thing I expect from her is... to show up. I bought her and my other sister (BM) their dresses since I was the one that wanted them to wear it. They just have to find shoes they're comfortable wearing and then be there with me on my wedding day. I've shown them things I've planned/made for my wedding, but I'm doing everything on my own since my FI is working extra to make the rest of the money we need for the wedding. I have a LOT of DIY, but I've budgeted my time pretty well (I think). It's not impossible to do on your own or with minimal help. Take a deep breath and break things down into smaller parts so they seem less daunting. Take things one step at a time and don't get discouraged if things don't seem like they are progressing right away - things will fall into place. Also, wine helps me. A lot.

climbingsingle · January 2014

Your FI should be helping you plan. Or hire a wedding coordinator. It's not the MOH or BMs job to help you plan your wedding.

JoanE2012 · January 2014

millerashley14 said:

I don't have close enough friends to have a maid of honor. My only best friend is literally my fiance. I have friends I want to be my bridesmaids, but none that I'd like to be my MOH. But I will HAVE to have help planning. I can't do this all by myself. Who do I ask? Do I get help from everyone? Help!

What will you need help with planning? My DH and I planned our entire wedding with no problems or stress! We didn't even have a wedding planner or DOC. You shouldn't be asking anyone for help. I think you are making this more difficult than it should be. Just think of it as a big party....as long as you host your guests properly, none of the small details will matter.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

Guys, you scared her away. You're all terrible meanies. *eye roll*

I'll bite anyway. You and your FI should be the only ones planning your wedding, aside from a planner if you choose to hire one. And of course if anyone OFFERS to fund all or part of your wedding. Bridesmaids and MOHs don't fall into any of those categories. Your bridal party should consist of people you are close to and want standing beside you the day you get married. You can also choose not to have a MOH or any BMs for that matter. Besides, you don't want too many cooks in the kitchen. That's just asking to make planning a bitch.

millerashley14 · January 2014

My fiance doesn't care what the wedding looks like. He says it's my day and I can do it how I want it. I need people to bounce ideas off of and I figured my (possibly) bridesmaids would be a good help. That's why I asked.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

Bouncing ideas off people, is very different than "I have to have help planning'. No one is saying you can't talk with your bridesmaids about your planning; they are just saying your bridesmaids are not unpaid help, and they are not required to help with any projects or manual labor. Also, no, it's not just your day, it's your fiance's day too. If you want him to help you, he should help you. That sounds like a FI issue to me. It's not like he has to have an opinion on everything. My FI doesn't care about the flowers, and said I could do whatever I wanted, so I went to the florist with my mom. But usually the grooms care about the music or the food or something.

AddieCake · January 2014

laurynm84 said:

Bouncing ideas off people, is very different than "I have to have help planning'. No one is saying you can't talk with your bridesmaids about your planning; they are just saying your bridesmaids are not unpaid help, and they are not required to help with any projects or manual labor. Also, no, it's not just your day, it's your fiance's day too. If you want him to help you, he should help you.

This. You said you HAVE to have help and can't do it on your own, which is why people responded the way they did. I planned our wedding on my own w/o much input from my husband. I didn't really need his help with most things b/c I knew what I wanted and he wanted whatever I wanted. Bouncing ideas and talking about weddings with girlfriends was another story.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

millerashley14 said:

I don't have close enough friends to have a maid of honor. My only best friend is literally my fiance. I have friends I want to be my bridesmaids, but none that I'd like to be my MOH. But I will HAVE to have help planning. I can't do this all by myself. Who do I ask? Do I get help from everyone? Help!

What you wrote here is very different than simply bouncing ideas of your friends and family. I completely agree with @laurynm84 in that your FI should be helping. He doesn't have to go all Martha Stewart on you but he should be able to give you input for your wedding. I can't believe that he really doesn't care what kind of food is served, where the reception and possibly ceremony is held, open bar vs. beer and wine only, or even having it be dry. Things like colors and décor you can bounce off your friends and family. Just don't make your wedding all you ever talk about..

Weesh · January 2014

OP are you worried about making decisions on your own? Or worried about making THINGS on your own? Bouncing ideas off of people is great, but expecting their help with projects or other wedding related things is setting yourself up for disaster.

I've been bouncing ideas off of my bridesmaids and my mom, and then following up with my fiance. I know what he cares about and has the most interest in, but I still want him to see things that I've decided on. For example, I finished our invites today, but I didn't order them yet because I want him to at least see them before they go out. It's just fun to share it with him, and it makes the planning more exciting for both of us. My fiance even came to a bridal show (mostly for the food and to talk to the photographer), but I walked around and got more information.

Do what works for the both of you as a couple. Talk to your girlfriends if you want other perspectives or ideas that you might not think of. If they offer to help out with something, take them up on it (if you want to.) But don't plan on people helping or DIY-ing things for you unless they offer. Good luck!

HaileyDancingbear · January 2014

OP, in the future don't delete/change your posts. All it does is attract more attention because now everyone wants to know what made you want to delete it, and people quoted you anyways so your post isn't even deleted at all, everyone can see everything you wrote. You might as well have changed the name of your post to "HEY GUYS LOOK AT THIS! "

If you don't like people's responses, tough, if you're grown up enough to get married you're grown up enough to handle people disagreeing with you on the internet. If you already feel you got a good answer and don't need more responses, just leave it anyways. Even if you no longer need help, the other responses may help someone lurking on your post who has a similar issue.

misshart00 · January 2014

Bat signal

rajahmd · January 2014

misshart00 said:
Bat signal

Dun nuh dun nuh nu nuh...

Batman!

lovesclimbing · January 2014

Came for the DD. Unfortunately, it wasn't nearly so dramatic as I had hoped. *sigh*

phira · January 2014

Le sigh. DD.

OP, if you're still here, listen up:

You want to marry this guy, right? If he's going to be your partner for the rest of your life, then you need to have a partnership. You need to be able to say to him, "Hey, [fiance], I know that you say that this is my day and that I can do whatever I want. That's very sweet of you, because it means a lot to me that you're up for having the kind of wedding I've dreamt about. But I'm feeling very lost and alone, and I don't want to plan this by myself."

Then, come up with some ways that he can help you with the planning. Maybe you can come up with 2-3 options for centerpieces, and he can help pick which one. Maybe he's the person who will research DJs. Maybe you'll find photographers and set up meetings between you (and your partner) and the vendors, and then he can be in charge of the Excel sheet organizing all the vendor information.

If the bottom line is that he doesn't want to do ANY planning, and you're in this alone, then honestly? Not a partner. I'm not claiming that you can't have a romantic partnership with someone who doesn't want to be involved in wedding planning. I mean that it's a bit strange to have a partnership where one person says, "I need help, I can't do this alone, I don't want to do this alone," and their future spouse says, "Nah."

Or, ya know, the OP is gone forever and I'm just gonna hear my own echoes or something.

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