What is a tasteful and thoughtful way to honor/acknowledge a parent currently in jail?

suchalady225 · January 2014

I recently got engaged. We haven't set a date yet but we are beginning to plan for our wedding. It's looking like I may have my wedding while my mom is in prison. I love my mom and want to do something to "include" her in the ceremony but not make it seem as if she's dead or something with pictures or a memorial setting. Not sure if anyone has gone through this or could offer some help. It would be greatly appreciated.

coronado11 · January 2014

I am in the same boat. My dad is in prision and I am getting married almost 2 years before he gets out. I have thought about waiting but my engagement has been 6 years long and its me time. He messed up and put himself there and im not waiting for anything for him. Im not going to put my life on hold. He sure didnt think about how he will miss so much before he did what he did. Anyways im glad you wrote this post because it helped me as well. My brother is walking me down the aisle. From PP I have decided to write FOB in the program with his name and nothing else. People dont know hes not there dont need it pointed out.

hlvonb · January 2014

I would say either wait until she is out (I don't know if that's possible because I don't know how long she will be in there) or you could mention her in the program or something like that. You don't have to mention the her being in jail.

Wzz · January 2014

not knowing the reason why she is in jail, as a guest i wouldn't find any mention of an incarcerated person tasteful at a wedding. i am sorry you probably don't want to hear it, but this is my honest opinion. i wouldn't mention it at all. maybe carry a personal object of hers in your bouquet so YOU have her with you in spirit.

NOLABridesmaid · January 2014

My first thoughts were going left, so I will just say play her favorite song and ask everyone on the dance floor.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

I like the idea of listing her in the program as MOB but don't actually mention that she is in jail. Those close to you know what's going on, and if a guest doesn't already know, there's no need to point it out to them. Carry an item of hers with you, maybe wrap a piece of her jewelry in your bouquet. And I'm sure this goes without saying: but I assume you can visit her and show her pics, right? Maybe put together a nice album she can have.

suchalady225 · January 2014

Thanks y'all. Waiting for her to get out isn't an option but I like the idea of listing her in the program and the song idea. She can't receive many pictures (maybe 1 or 2) at a time. So I was going to make 1 photo collage of most of the pictures and send 2 at a time over time. Thanks again everyone.

meganmackeigan · January 2014

My foster sister's mom is in jail so I understand the need to acknowledge her but the difficulty in doing so. During the notes from out of town guests who couldn't make it, I would say something like, she so wanted to be here and was sad she couldn't, but she wanted us to share with you all how happy she is for us and wishes us all the best for the future. Or let he write the message and read with the out of town guests letters. no need to announce why she couldnt be there, just relay her message.

Wzz · January 2014

"People [who] don't know he's not there don't need it pointed out."

^^this.

let's not forget, this is jail, not rehab to learn to walk again. not everyone is as forgiving or understanding, and the last place to bring up anyone's feelings on the issue is a wedding. if they don't know she is in jail, no reason to cause speculaiton as to why she isn't there. and for people who DO know, why remind them of what is going on with her. they know. they'll know she isn't present. and for anyone who asks where mom is, just let them know she just isn't able to be there.

What is a tasteful and thoughtful way to honor/acknowledge a parent currently in jail?

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