Wedding Reception Forum
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Reception Stress or "I know nothing about weddings and am in panic mode."

My fiance and I have only been to two weddings and they were very non-traditional and laid back. I would go so far as to say, "Not planned at all." However, we were talking about it tonight and we have no idea what we're supposed to do at the reception. 

To begin with, we're not having dancing--we're having it at a bowling and bocce restaurant and having dinner and games. I suppose people can dance if they want to, but we definitely will not be. I was thinking of making a "schedule" or sorts to go with the table numbers. Nothing too in-depth, just, when dinner starts, when bowling opens, when the cake cutting will be, etc. 

I know, typically, there's speeches and toasts and whatnot, but I have no idea when this takes place. As well, my side of the family is a bit shy and I don't see them jumping for joy at the idea of speaking in front of anyone. His family is more outspoken and will probably want to do speeches and toasts and whatnot. Will it be weird if my family doesn't really say anything? 

And on the topic of speeches! We're not really having a traditional wedding party because we tried to keep the wedding very small (under 60), so we're having our sisters as attendants. Should they give speeches at the reception?

Are he and I supposed to do any speeches or anything? You guys, I am completely clueless when it comes to weddings. I don't know when things are supposed to happen or how they are supposed to happen. I'm terrified that our families are going to think we are fools. 

Can someone lead me through how a reception is supposed to work? (Oh my God. I sound like a lost child. Turned the wrong way to the bathroom and ended up in the gym and now I just want to go home.)

Re: Reception Stress or "I know nothing about weddings and am in panic mode."

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    My fiance and I have only been to two weddings and they were very non-traditional and laid back. I would go so far as to say, "Not planned at all." However, we were talking about it tonight and we have no idea what we're supposed to do at the reception. 

    To begin with, we're not having dancing--we're having it at a bowling and bocce restaurant and having dinner and games. I suppose people can dance if they want to, but we definitely will not be. I was thinking of making a "schedule" or sorts to go with the table numbers. Nothing too in-depth, just, when dinner starts, when bowling opens, when the cake cutting will be, etc. 

    I know, typically, there's speeches and toasts and whatnot, but I have no idea when this takes place. As well, my side of the family is a bit shy and I don't see them jumping for joy at the idea of speaking in front of anyone. His family is more outspoken and will probably want to do speeches and toasts and whatnot. Will it be weird if my family doesn't really say anything? 

    And on the topic of speeches! We're not really having a traditional wedding party because we tried to keep the wedding very small (under 60), so we're having our sisters as attendants. Should they give speeches at the reception?

    Are he and I supposed to do any speeches or anything? You guys, I am completely clueless when it comes to weddings. I don't know when things are supposed to happen or how they are supposed to happen. I'm terrified that our families are going to think we are fools. 

    Can someone lead me through how a reception is supposed to work? (Oh my God. I sound like a lost child. Turned the wrong way to the bathroom and ended up in the gym and now I just want to go home.)
    I don't think that you need to make a schedule to put at the tables.  Are you having a MC?  If not, I think it would be good for you to have one.  That way the MC can announce when bowling is open and when the cake cutting is going to happen, etc.

    As for speeches or toasts, they are completely optional.  If someone wants to give a toast then they will tell you.  No one, even your wedding attendants and you and your FI, have to give any sort of speech or toast.  For our wedding no one stood up and said anything and I can tell you that no one even missed it.

    But from a schedule stand point you could have dinner, have your toasts (if there are any) and then cut your cake.  Once the cake is cut then that could be the sign that the games and such are open to your guests.

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    I love you, OP. Please stick around b/c I find you charming. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PHEW OKAY. I am much calmer now. Thank you, Maggie! I think I might do like little chalkboards that say when bowling opens (it's the only thing that has a time...), but me and my beer have decided to let it all be. 

    I've never been told I'm charming, so thank you, Addie! Most people just think I have some sort of severe anxiety disorder. They're half right. 
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    I just found it delightful how adorably and openly clueless you admit to being. I also like that your beer is part of your decision-making process to relax. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Beer is basically my better half. Having a craft beer themed wedding was actually my plan, but my fiance was worried our friends and family would think we have a drinking problem. 
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    Beer is basically my better half. Having a craft beer themed wedding was actually my plan, but my fiance was worried our friends and family would think we have a drinking problem. 
    You should go with that! I really don't think it's any different than having a winery wedding. I've seen a few weddings where they incorporated craft beers into things and it turned out great.
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    Beer is basically my better half. Having a craft beer themed wedding was actually my plan, but my fiance was worried our friends and family would think we have a drinking problem. 
    OP, I like you too.

    Fi and I bargained with our venue to include two craft beer options in our open bar.  This was actually a non-negotiable for us: if we won't have craft beer, we aren't getting married in your restaurant! :)
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    Well, we're buying a house two weeks before the wedding, so I think we decided to have a beer tasting housewarming party instead, friends only! 
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    It's supposed to be easy and enjoyable for the guests. Other than that, there's no "supposed to" for a reception.

    I think you should first figure out what you WANT at your reception. Do you want toasts and/or speeches? If yes, I think it's fine if it's just his side doing it, but you may want to ask them to be sure they are toasting to BOTH of you and not just him, so it seems balanced. i.e. "Dad, it's great that you want to do a toast! However, you'll be the only one doing one...no one from future-wife's side is interested in speaking publicly. Can you make sure you try to keep it balanced and about both of us, instead of just me?". And I also think it's totally fine to ask people "Hey, we're planning the details of the reception? I just wanted to ask if you were interested in giving a toast? If not no problem, but if you do, we'll make sure you're included!". 

    Once you have it all figured out, make a timeline. Just for you with the planning, not to distribute to the guests! And keep in mind that it's polite to get some stuff out of the way while the guests are eating...even though it means you won't have much time to eat. This is pretty typical, from what I've seen:

    4:30- ceremony ends, guests enter cocktail hour
    4:30-5:30- apps and drinks served at cocktail hour for guests; bride and groom taking photos
    5:30- guests are asked (by someone--you need to figure out who!) to proceed to the dinner tables for the reception
    5:40- bride and groom enter, and proceed directly to first dance, and other "spotlight dances" if happening. If not, they could maybe give a brief "thank you for coming" toast, and proceed to visit some tables, or just be seated. It's totally up to you!
    6:00- food is served
    6:15- toasts/speeches
    7:15- cake cutting happens
    7:20- it's made clear to the guests (someone could announce it, or the music/lighting could change, etc.) that dinner is over and it's time to party (in your case, bowling could be open). 
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