FI not interested..?

olleb4 · January 2014

Hey everyone! I just have to ask - is or was your FI interested in all/most/some aspects of planning your wedding? Mine seems to not be too concerned with visiting venues and other vendors (he's not exactly close by), and finds it all to be a hassle. And yes I know for sure he wants to get married OF COURSE!! I just want some insight from other brides and how they handled it - thanks!

SewInLoveWithDMB · January 2014

My H was involved to some extent, but for minor details, he really didn't care. He did not go with me to initial meetings with vendors. I would report back to him in many cases, and if we both liked it, I'd book it.

He chose the date, the room in the reception venue (it was at the Manor and they have multiple rooms), the flowers (he came with my mom and I to the meeting and we used a lot of his input), the cigars that were at the bar, our first dance song, the song for the MOG dance, color of the tux (grey), 1 of the 2 cake flavors, many songs that he gave the dj, and he had input on our photographer choice (and we went with his first choice). Beyond that? He really wasn't interested at all.

And that may sound like a lot, but we had a year to plan, and he was making one decision every two months or so.

silver0319 · January 2014

It took me a while to get FI on board just to look at venues, but once he got into it, he was very vocal! He's had input on the venue, menu, cake DJ, photographer, favors, rings, officiant, and invitation design. He chose his tuxes (with some help from me). He knows I won't make a definitive decision without running it past him first, but I've done a lot of the leg work on the planning end.

olleb4 · January 2014

My FI isn't one for big planning ideas and he's hardly even been to many weddings. Each one we have gone to he has asked whether certain aspects were common or traditional and offer his opinion on whether he'd want that at his. I think he is most interested in the music and entertainment aspect because he is not flashy or much of a foodie. And don't get my wrong I wasn't planning on throwing every detail in his face either, I have narrowed things down to 1 or 2 vendors and asked what he thinks because I'm sure for some guys it may get overwhelming.

LindsayWedding4514 · January 2014

My fiance does all the planning with me. He likes being involved and actually knowing what's going on when someone asks him a question. He still lets me make the decisions. lol.

soontobemrsbuccheri · January 2014

My FI has been involved in every step of the planning process, with the exception of the Bridesmaid dresses and of course - my dress. He wanted to be apart of the planning because it's his day as well and since we are spending our money on this wedding, he feels that he should know where it's going. He got frustrated, along with myself, at all the florists that we went to and their astronomical prices. The only time he didn't go with me for a florist meeting, was when I popped into a local florist, with out an appointment, discussed flowers, and got a quote. We went back a week later, ordered our flowers and paid in full (discount and taxes were dropped because we paid with cash). Of course, I have had to help him with the tux decision as well as colors, but once we got the group info set up with Mens Warehouse, there has been no other reason for me to be involved w/the tuxes....other than making sure my son goes for his fitting in mid-february (he's a growing boy!).

Gordo2014 · January 2014

Don't sweat it. It's a guy/girl thing. I'm a guy and happen to be very invested in all the decisions. If you'd ask FI, she'd probably tell you she'd like me a little LESS involved. :-)

I would discuss it with him. Don't expect him to be someone he's not. If this stuff doesn't interest him, you can't make it interest him. That said, ask him to join you here or there or at least look at colors or clippings from a magazine. Because it's important to you, it should at least matter to him. So talk about it in those terms and don't put pressure on him to do more than he would.

olleb4 · January 2014

Thanks Gordo - great to get a guy's view too! FI has told me he feels that since my parents are paying for most if not all of it he doesn't want his opinion to frustrate anyone, while my mom I'm sure would appreciate his views. I definitely don't want to force him into making decisions if it's just not his thing. I'm sure if he were paying for it himself his opinion would be very different!

Peaseblossom55 · January 2014

FI has been involved in every decision making process we made all decisions jointly. The only thing he didn't care about were flowers. I got to make all the decisions there. I did go over with him the vendors I met with the proposals and he agreed with my choice of florist.

rakkaya87 · January 2014

We are paying fairly equally for all expenses, but the way it's been going is I did all of the preliminary research (and I mean calling 10-15 vendors per task) and then narrowing everything down to about 2 or 3. My photographer/videographer is a really close and good friend who owns his own company, so that was already decided on since its basically our wedding gift, and the DJ is also a close friend's boyfriend, so that was also a given considering the close-to-nothing cost. We visited 3 reception halls and decided on that together, we worked out the menu (he cared most about this and I don't really), he made sure his favorite beer was available haha, and I picked out the tuxes for the most part. He had no care about our colors, I told him what I wanted mostly and he either said "okay" or if anything was a concern he let me know and I'd come back with like 2 dif options. Same thing with invites, I ordered about 5 different samples on my own and we narowed it down to the 1 we chose. Don't feel bad! Guys will be guys

majesty318 · January 2014

Gordo2014 said:

Don't sweat it. It's a guy/girl thing. I'm a guy and happen to be very invested in all the decisions. If you'd ask FI, she'd probably tell you she'd like me a little LESS involved. :-)

Gordo, are you my FI in disguise? LOL. I have been shocked how many opinions he has!

I did all the research for venues & vendors, narrowed it down, and then he helped choose. Exception is flowers which I just booked on my own, but he will come with me for the 2nd meeting. He was EXTREMELY interested in invitations and hated everything "traditional" so we ended up going with a design from Etsy that he chose. He is picky with suits (who knew?) and wasn't a fan of the ones at Men's Wearhouse so we will be using a local store instead.

I think it really depends on the couple.... I have a friend whose husband planned the entire wedding and all she did was show up. And I have other friends whose FI didn't care one bit.

Megalega14 · January 2014

MY FI Is VERY Uninvolved.. and it's better for me! He said he doesn't care besides our wedding song... so I make all the decisions... i just told him not ONE word out of him if he doesn't like anything since he didn't want to give his opinion. hahaha I love it!

olleb4 · January 2014

You are all so right! It really depends on the couple, the FI, etc. I'm so glad you all have eased my mind, it really boils down to who we are I guess Megalega - I said the same thing and he is ok with that haha! I casually bring up things like the song we'll dance to and it leads to a 2 hour conversation while reminiscing on youtube of our favorites! Thanks everyone!

FI not interested..?

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