Registry and Gift Forum

HELP! Should I register anywhere?

I am torn. My wedding is 3 mo away and we are getting down to the wire for parties and gatherings before our big day. We live out of state (that my family lives in) and I will be traveling to the shower at my parents home. I will not have to room to tote gifts back and forth nor to I want to ask my guests to pay for shipping to my house (it all adds up). In my opinion it is tacky to ask for $$ or gift cards. Should I even bother to register? Is it okay to ask people to ship to my house if they are ordering online? Is there a acceptable way to ask people for $ or gift cards so we can go get what we want?
Any advice helps. THANKS!

Re: HELP! Should I register anywhere?

  • If you're having a shower, it's usually best to register. You don't have to, of course, but then you run the risk of tons of people asking what you need or ending up with 4 blenders. 

    I'm curious about why you accepted a shower when you can't tote gifts back and forth. Can you bring an extra suitcase to bring gifts back in? What about making a very small registry of small, easily transportable items for your shower only? 

    And no, asking for gifts, cash, or gift cards (which are basically cash) in any form is always tacky, since gifts are never required. By making a very small registry for your shower only, you'll be signaling to your guests that cash is the preferred gift without saying it and sounding tacky. People know cash makes an excellent gift; no need to tell them.


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    doeydo
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I am torn. My wedding is 3 mo away and we are getting down to the wire for parties and gatherings before our big day. We live out of state (that my family lives in) and I will be traveling to the shower at my parents home. I will not have to room to tote gifts back and forth nor to I want to ask my guests to pay for shipping to my house (it all adds up). In my opinion it is tacky to ask for $$ or gift cards. Should I even bother to register? Is it okay to ask people to ship to my house if they are ordering online? Is there a acceptable way to ask people for $ or gift cards so we can go get what we want?
    Any advice helps. THANKS!

    What exactly do you think you're going to get at this shower?  Showers are for physical presents, not cash or gift cards.  You cannot ask people for cash or gift cards, especially for a shower (but also for the wedding itself!).  If you're not willing to figure out a way to get the gifts from your shower home then you should not have a shower. 



    MyNameIsNotdoeydo
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Why are you having a shower if you can't haul gifts?


    Register at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Return any gifts from the shower to there and then repurchase them back home.
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    Anniversary
  • I considered bringing an extra suitcase to bring some things home. I have a smaller family and small group of friends in my home town that will be in attendance. I did not accept the invitation for a "shower" for the gifts. As I stated I live far from my family and do not get to make it home often. Any excuse we have to get together we try to do so.
  • wesleya196wesleya196 member
    First Comment
    edited January 2014

    yes the invitations will say bridal shower on them but do I have to register? 
  • I considered bringing an extra suitcase to bring some things home. I have a smaller family and small group of friends in my home town that will be in attendance. I did not accept the invitation for a "shower" for the gifts. As I stated I live far from my family and do not get to make it home often. Any excuse we have to get together we try to do so.
    Why not make a small request that the shower become a bridal luncheon instead? That way you get to see everyone, but there is little expectation of giving the bride, you, gifts (which is the whole point to a shower).
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    wesleya196
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    yes the invitations will say bridal shower on them but do I have to register? 
    You don't have to register, but without a registry your guests will have to guess at what you guys want.  You may end up with 3 toasters and 5 sets of Pyrex and you really need towels and sheets.

    If you don't register for a wedding it is a clue that you are more interested in cash, but you still may get gifts because some people just don't like giving cash (like me).  Have the registry available will give your guests guidance about items you would like and need.
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  • PDKH said:
    I considered bringing an extra suitcase to bring some things home. I have a smaller family and small group of friends in my home town that will be in attendance. I did not accept the invitation for a "shower" for the gifts. As I stated I live far from my family and do not get to make it home often. Any excuse we have to get together we try to do so.
    Why not make a small request that the shower become a bridal luncheon instead? That way you get to see everyone, but there is little expectation of giving the bride, you, gifts (which is the whole point to a shower).
    That moment in your life where you say to yourself....Why didn't I think of that??
    Thank you. 
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You could also register at a store that will ship gifts for you. After the shower you take them to the store and they will handle shipping them home, for a fee.
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    PDKH said:
    I considered bringing an extra suitcase to bring some things home. I have a smaller family and small group of friends in my home town that will be in attendance. I did not accept the invitation for a "shower" for the gifts. As I stated I live far from my family and do not get to make it home often. Any excuse we have to get together we try to do so.
    Why not make a small request that the shower become a bridal luncheon instead? That way you get to see everyone, but there is little expectation of giving the bride, you, gifts (which is the whole point to a shower).
    Do people usually understand the semantical difference? Many of my friends who would attend a shower (or "luncheon") have never been to a wedding before or planned one themselves, so I am unsure if they would be aware of when is (or is not) appropriate to bring a gift.

    I worry about this often, as my and my Fi are much better well off financially than most of my friends. I worry that they will be spending money that they don't have on buying things that we don't need. :/ Short of bluntly telling them "We don't want anything but to spend time with you" (which is just kind of rude for many reasons) I'm not sure how to get the point across and assure that they understand.
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    PDKH said:
    I considered bringing an extra suitcase to bring some things home. I have a smaller family and small group of friends in my home town that will be in attendance. I did not accept the invitation for a "shower" for the gifts. As I stated I live far from my family and do not get to make it home often. Any excuse we have to get together we try to do so.
    Why not make a small request that the shower become a bridal luncheon instead? That way you get to see everyone, but there is little expectation of giving the bride, you, gifts (which is the whole point to a shower).
    Do people usually understand the semantical difference? Many of my friends who would attend a shower (or "luncheon") have never been to a wedding before or planned one themselves, so I am unsure if they would be aware of when is (or is not) appropriate to bring a gift.

    I worry about this often, as my and my Fi are much better well off financially than most of my friends. I worry that they will be spending money that they don't have on buying things that we don't need. :/ Short of bluntly telling them "We don't want anything but to spend time with you" (which is just kind of rude for many reasons) I'm not sure how to get the point across and assure that they understand.
    It may depend on your circle, true. Bridal luncheons are usually a signal to my crowd to only bring very small gifts or no gifts. 

    If you want to hang out with everyone but don't want gifts, why don't you turn down any shower offers and host a "just because" party? Brides always seem to think any party they have in between engagement and wedding needs to be about the wedding. 

    You can host people any time you'd like; just don't make it about the wedding (which would be inappropriate anyway since hosting an event to honor yourself is poor etiquette). 

    Edit for clarity
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    PDKH said:
    I considered bringing an extra suitcase to bring some things home. I have a smaller family and small group of friends in my home town that will be in attendance. I did not accept the invitation for a "shower" for the gifts. As I stated I live far from my family and do not get to make it home often. Any excuse we have to get together we try to do so.
    Why not make a small request that the shower become a bridal luncheon instead? That way you get to see everyone, but there is little expectation of giving the bride, you, gifts (which is the whole point to a shower).
    Do people usually understand the semantical difference? Many of my friends who would attend a shower (or "luncheon") have never been to a wedding before or planned one themselves, so I am unsure if they would be aware of when is (or is not) appropriate to bring a gift.

    I worry about this often, as my and my Fi are much better well off financially than most of my friends. I worry that they will be spending money that they don't have on buying things that we don't need. :/ Short of bluntly telling them "We don't want anything but to spend time with you" (which is just kind of rude for many reasons) I'm not sure how to get the point across and assure that they understand.
    You'd have to talk to the shower/luncheon host about it.  Most of my friends wouldn't get that the name change meant not to bring a gift, but my family would.  

    If the shower/luncheon host doesn't include registry info with the invite, most of the guests will ask about a registry when they call to RSVP.  At that point, your host could tactfully convey that gifts aren't expected/necessary.  
  • In my  circle it's understood.  I had both.  People brought gifts to the shower.  Nobody brought anything to the luncheon (mine was actually a brunch).  My brunch was the morning of my wedding in honor of the bridesmaids.  It's a southern thing.... but the "bridesmaid brunch" or "bridesmaid luncheon" is pretty common down here.  The bride, a family member, or close friend of the family hosts, and it's usually the bridesmaids, their mothers, and maybe a couple of close friends who attend.  Mine was really lovely.
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