Alright ladies, I am in need of some serious advice. I need to know if I am being a bad friend, if i need to keep my thoughts to myself, if I need to give some tough love, I need advice. I am open to any and all of it. I would like to stress that I am asking for this advice becasue I am truly worried.
I am the MOH for a friend's wedding. I love her dearly and she is like my sister. When she got engaged almost a year ago, I couldnt say enough kind words about the future groom. He was wonderful. Fast forward a year and, I haven't heard her say a happy thing or a kind thing he has done in months. He has called off the wedding numerous times out of anger. And has stated multiple times he hates her family. I brought my concerns to her mother a few months ago when things really seemed to hit a low. I was worried about my friend and didn't know how to bring the subject up. All she talked about was the wedding and always seemed to brush off, what I feel are, very red flags. Her mother addressed the issue with my friend and her fiance since she said she was concerned too and he agreed that he would seek counseling for his communication issues. She has remained relatively quiet about how they are since then. I think in part becasue she doesn't want us to think unfavorable of him but, brings up issues every now and then. For example: "I think he is pushing me away. I spent last night getting trying to get on his good side so he will still want to go through with the wedding, He keeps saying he is nervous about the wedding and work and that is why he is so short with me, He never wants to talk and when I bring up a subject he doesnt like he leaves. etc." I hear these exact statements, in rotation, every week. I usually just listen and try not to pass judgement. I know there are two sides to everything. But I cannot stand to see her so stressed all the time.
Here is where I feel like an awful friend. This has been going on for over six months. I find myself reaching the point where I want to just say "Either do something about it, or quit bringing it up. I am honestly getting tired of even hearing it." I feel like a bad friend because I am losing my sympathy for the situation. It is hard for me to be supportive and plan and put on this happy face when she keeps feeding me all the negative. Is this normal for me to question the strength of their relationship or whether this marriage will even last? I am at the point where I just shake my head and question her sanity. Is she so deperate for a wedding that she just doesn't see what's in front or her and how unhealthy it really is? Or does she really just think a wedding will make it all better?
Despite it all, I would not go so far as to say they shouldn't get married but I strongly feel they should postpone the wedding until they can work on these communication issues. They both NEED to go to counseling, together. It is unhealthy for her to always be wondering if he really wants to marry her. With everything she has told me, I feel like he has been backed into a corner and some of these issues are stemming from the wedding fever that has taken over their house. I know the marriage idea was really pushed on her end. Four months in and she was sendng him pictures of rings and asking in front of friends when he would propose. I used to cringe when she did that. He is a very quiet man and really does keep to himself. I know that neither of them had really dated much though both are a bit older. I wonder if the excitement of being with someone fueled the proposal and now that the honeymoon phase is ending, he is feeling the pressure. He is feeling that his concerns aren't being listened to and this is casuing him to lash out. I think that they are both very kind people but there is a huge maturity issue and the lack of communication is going to be the end of them if they don't deal with it. My question is: What do I do? I have told her I feel they would both benefit from counseling and help. But I am really worried about this. I dont know what advice to offer her And, I dont know I feel about standing up for her given their current standing. What do you suggest? Should I just stay quiet and smile like a good friend? Should I say something more?