Wedding Etiquette Forum

Damned if I do and Damned if I don't

So, my bachelorette party was this past weekend and my mother hosted a brunch for us at her house. She wanted to make sure we had a decent meal before going out and partying that night. It was also nice to be able to relax for a while before going out. This was a surprise to me and my mom invited a couple people (3 of my fiancé's aunts) from my fiancé's side of the family. My mother and my MoH made sure everyone knew this was NOT a shower (my mom invited the aunts to talk about the bridal shower plans and ideas). Well all of his aunts and his mom got together and got me a gift that was a "welcome to our side of the family" gift (their exact words).

Anyway, I decided to send thank you cards to his aunts and mom who had given me the gift, a thank you card to my mother for hosting, and a card to my MoH for all of the planning she did.

Well, some people I know found out I was doing that and said I am being silly for doing it and that people will mock me for it. I think I am being considerate and respectful since they didn't have to do any of it. My mother did not have to plan and host a brunch, they didn't have to get me a gift and I know my MoH did not have to plan a party for me. I guess I'd rather be scolded for sending thank you cards then scolded for not. Ugh.

Re: Damned if I do and Damned if I don't

  • I'd send the cards. Silly that they're mocking you for being gracious.
  • You've done nothing inappropriate and do not deserve to be mocked for being polite. Tell these "people" to take a long walk off a short pier (or insert something of your choosing) and ignore their commentary, as it amounts to absolutely nothing anyway! 
  • I would be sending the cards too, in your position. Mock away! You're just being respectful.
  • If I get a thank-you I wasn't necessarily expecting, I think "oh how nice", not "that's weird, I must now mock this person"
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks ladies! I just put the thank you cards in the mail.
  • I send thank you cards all the time after going to dinner parties, to a neighbor who did me a favor, or just after a very supportive conversation with a friend. How in the world could they ever be considered a bad thing?! Those people must just be jealous because your gracious act is highlighting how lazy and/or inconsiderate they must be.


  • It's never wrong to say thank you.
  • If taking a few minutes out of my day to let someone know that I appreciate what they did for me or for a gift that they got me to welcome me to their family is wrong, I would rather be wrong. I think it's nice to let people know that you don't take what they did for granted and appreciate them.
  • Anyone who mocks anyone else for sending thank-you notes for gifts does not deserve to receive any gifts at all.  They deserve the cut direct, and I'd give them that while they're mocking you.
  • People who mock others for good manners are looking for something to mock about.

    They make their lives about mocking because their brains are too small and their egos are too large to behave like civilized people.
  • Thanks ladies!
  • Nobody would ever mock someone for sending a thank you note.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieL73 said:
    Nobody would ever mock someone for sending a thank you note.

    @AddieL73

    That's what I thought but I was wrong. There are people who mock someone for sending thank yous.

  • hlvonb said:
    AddieL73 said:
    Nobody would ever mock someone for sending a thank you note.

    @AddieL73

    That's what I thought but I was wrong. There are people who mock someone for sending thank yous.

    Those people are rude and mean. I hope the sock gremlins steal every left sock they own and always turn their underpants inside-out in the dryer.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • My mom did something similar. We were having a girls morning out with a number of her friends and their daughters. The women who are invited to the wedding then got together and gave me a wedding gift at the party. I was grateful, but it was weird to celebrate my wedding in front of people who aren't invited. Either way, we had a great morning and I wrote thank you cards to those that contributed to the gift. It was still a gift, and under any other circumstance, I'd still say thank you. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • People have teased me for being "ridiculous" about writing thank-you notes.  Whenever I get a gift in a situation where I didn't also give a gift (generally when we exchange Christmas presents and it's both ways, I think a verbal thank-you is enough - unless the gift I received was something amazing and I want to write one anyway).

    It's correct, it's gracious, it's good manners/etiquette.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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