Are bridesmaid brunches mandatory?

themuffinman16 · January 2014

I saw something in a post of all the events that come up for the wedding, and I noticed bridesmaid brunch or luncheon. What is this? Is it mandatory? And would my bridesmaids not feel appreciated if I didn't do this? I have never been in a wedding before, so I have a lot of questions about getting married, and I am a little inexperienced, as to what my bridesmaids expect of me. I know I have to give them a gift, to say thank you for their standing up for the wedding, but I haven't heard of a bridesmaid brunch or luncheon until just now. Wondering if anyone could help me out.

misshart00 · January 2014

Nope. Not required. Some people do them but I think they're mostly pushed by the wedding industry.

misshart00 · January 2014

And for the people who do have them, they're usually right before the wedding. That sounds super stressful when I have a ton going on that week.

hlvonb · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

I saw something in a post of all the events that come up for the wedding, and I noticed bridesmaid brunch or luncheon. What is this? Is it mandatory? And would my bridesmaids not feel appreciated if I didn't do this? I have never been in a wedding before, so I have a lot of questions about getting married, and I am a little inexperienced, as to what my bridesmaids expect of me. I know I have to give them a gift, to say thank you for their standing up for the wedding, but I haven't heard of a bridesmaid brunch or luncheon until just now. Wondering if anyone could help me out.

@dmyrick78

No they are not. They're nice if you and the bridesmaids want one and can afford it but not necessary or required.

themuffinman16 · January 2014

@misshart00: Thanks. Also what is a typical gift for bridesmaids? I know how some people feel about trinkets so I was thinking of gift certificates for a massage and maybe a day spa package for my MOH . Do i give my MOH a separate gift as well for throwing the bridal shower?

misshart00 · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

@misshart00: Thanks. Also what is a typical gift for bridesmaids? I know how some people feel about trinkets so I was thinking of gift certificates for a massage and maybe a day spa package for my MOH . Do i give my MOH a separate gift as well for throwing the bridal shower?

Shop for them like you're shopping for they're birthday. A great movie for the movie lover. A Starbucks gift card and mug for the coffee lover. Etc. I would get anyone who hosts a shower/party another small gift and give it to them at that time (instead of the day or day before your wedding).

themuffinman16 · January 2014

Do you get the parents a gift at this time, or will the parents photo albums be okay, once they can be ordered?

Bbk1211 · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

I saw something in a post of all the events that come up for the wedding, and I noticed bridesmaid brunch or luncheon. What is this? Is it mandatory? And would my bridesmaids not feel appreciated if I didn't do this? I have never been in a wedding before, so I have a lot of questions about getting married, and I am a little inexperienced, as to what my bridesmaids expect of me. I know I have to give them a gift, to say thank you for their standing up for the wedding, but I haven't heard of a bridesmaid brunch or luncheon until just now. Wondering if anyone could help me out.

You sound as lost as i am in this stuff lol i was about to ask the same question I feel so much better knowing I among alot of people on here have no clue of what they are doing and am so glad for the girls who help us on here

misshart00 · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

Do you get the parents a gift at this time, or will the parents photo albums be okay, once they can be ordered?

I think the albums are great! Other posters may disagree though.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

We'll be ordering albums for our parents, but we're also planning on giving them each a small gift at the rehearsal dinner to thank them for all of the support they've given us throughout our lives, and especially through our crazy relationship/engagement.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

I was also not sure about parent gifts. I think a small something at the RD sounds nice.

BeyondHappy · January 2014

The rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom's parents, and in my area, it's considered rude to hijack their event. And you'd be giving gifts to some people and not to other people, which is awkward.

So here, most brides have some kind of tea or lunch or brunch to thank the bridesmaids. Here are some details: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx

And yes, photo albums are the traditional gift from the couple to the parents. Traditionally, the bride's parents get a big album of all the photos, and maybe one photo of the couple framed. The groom's parents get a smaller album with some shots of the couple, all the photos of people on their side of the family, and maybe one photo of the couple framed (not all the random shots of dance floor, bride's distant family members, etc.).

cruffino · January 2014

I never heard of bridesmaids brunches til I came here. I plan to give them their gifts when we get together on the morning of the wedding.

melbelleup · January 2014

misshart00 said:

dmyrick78 said:

Do you get the parents a gift at this time, or will the parents photo albums be okay, once they can be ordered?

I think the albums are great! Other posters may disagree though.

We're just doing photo albums. I mentioned it to my dad the one day about parent gifts and he told me watching me get married is more than enough. But in my family, parents get hurt when they're not given a photo album. My cousin didn't give his parents a single photo...my parents actually made my uncle a photo album because they felt so bad.

climbingsingle · January 2014

I've been a bridesmaid 7 times and I've never attended a bridal brunch or luncheon.

lyndausvi · January 2014

Nope they are not. Some of the weddings I was in had them (all of those were southern weddings I noticed), but most did not. The ones that did not, including my own, had snacks for some sort (sandwiches, pizza, etc) out for the BMs while we got ready.

kgd7357 · January 2014

We are just ordering Panera for everyone and drinking mimosas while we get our hair done. It's nice to feed the BM if they need to get there before lunch. So it's kinda "brunch" but way less formal.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

BeyondHappy said:

The rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom's parents that's only if they offer to host it and in my area, it's considered rude to hijack their event. And you'd be giving gifts to some people and not to other people, which is awkward. In the weddings I have been in people hand out their BM and parents' gifts at the RD or the morning of the wedding. No one seems to mind.

So here, most brides have some kind of tea or lunch or brunch to thank the bridesmaids. Here are some details: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx

And yes, photo albums are the traditional gift from the couple to the parents. Traditionally, the bride's parents get a big album of all the photos, and maybe one photo of the couple framed. The groom's parents get a smaller album with some shots of the couple, all the photos of people on their side of the family, and maybe one photo of the couple framed (not all the random shots of dance floor, bride's distant family members, etc.).

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I've been a bridesmaid 7 times and I've never attended a bridal brunch or luncheon.

Yeah I have been a BM a bunch of times and have never been to or heard of a BM brunch until coming here.

KickAssMOH · January 2014

I have been a BM several times, and I have been told "we are meeting for brunch on X date to discuss XYZ plans". The brunch has never been hosted. It never bothered me, but when someone plans a mandatory brunch, I feel that the host should pay for it. When I was the bride, I invited my BMs to accompany my father and I dress shopping. It turned out that they all wanted to join in, so after we picked a dress, my father took us all out to brunch. It was really sweet of him. That was my only "bridal gathering" prior to my wedding.

MandyMost · January 2014

If your bridesmaids are with you on the day before your wedding (for whatever reason--maybe they're from out of town, maybe they took the day off from work to help you out, etc.) it's common for the bridesmaids to go get their nails done together, and have a daytime meal (lunch or brunch). If you're not inviting the bridesmaids to do anything with you the day before the wedding, then the meal is unnecessary.

My plan, which isn't for almost 10 months so it's far from final, is to make a reservation at a sushi restaurant and get a bunch of sushi boats for everyone for lunch, and then go get our nails done (i'll make reservations for anyone who tells me ahead of time that they want their nails done too--not paying for anyone else's nails!). Then I'll go home to get ready for the rehearsal dinner, and pack up all my stuff to bring to the hotel I'm staying in that night. Then I'll see the bridesmaids again at the rehearsal dinner.

Jen4948 · January 2014

A bridesmaids' lunch or get-together is not strictly required but nice. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive, but I would host it in full if I were you. This would be a good opportunity to give your bridesmaids gifts. The gifts, again, don't have to be elaborate, expensive, or even matching, but they should show some thought and consideration for what the maids might like, and they need not to be anything you require them to wear or use at your wedding, because then they would not be gifts. Gifts have to not have strings attached.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

In regards to gifts for the parents. H and I did not get our parents anything mainly because we were told by them not to get them anything. But we did put together some small albums for them as a Christmas gift.

For luncheons if you have the time and money and to do one then they can be nice, but no they are not necessary.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

Every wedding I've ever been in has had a bridesmaid's brunch/lunch/get together. I hosted my sister's as MOH. It's been anything from pizza to an afternoon high tea to a trendy restaurant.

However, I've only once ever received a thank you gift for being a bridesmaid. Including my own sister (none of her bridesmaids were given gifts or thank you notes). She figured that paying for our dresses and shoes was sufficient. Everyone got thank you notes for gifts, but not for standing up in the wedding. Yeah, that's not how I would do it.

mimiphin · January 2014

Parent albums??? What? If our parents aren't hosting/paying why the hell would I, do we still have to give them a gift?

CrazyCatLady3 · January 2014

I have been to a bridesmaid brunch before but they are not necessary or common in my area. I plan on giving my BMs their gifts discreetly at the pre-wedding dinner (we are not having a rehearsal) so it won't be "hijacking" the event. That way they won't have to worry about carrying them around the day of the wedding.

CrazyCatLady3 · January 2014

mimiphin said:

Parent albums??? What? If our parents aren't hosting/paying why the hell would I, do we still have to give them a gift?

You don't HAVE to of course. I am giving my mom a parents' album because it is included in my photography package and she is contributing. However if my FI's parents want one they can order it through my photog directly because it is very expensive and they are not contributing. Or, if they want an informal one I can get them shots to put in a shutterfly book at a nominal price.

ETA: It still might be nice to get your parents a little something as a thank you for you know, raising you.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

I didn't do a brunch, only special food thing I did was to have a tray of sandwiches and snacks available while we got ready so the girls would get some food in the stomach. I knew we would be drinking while getting ready, didn't want anyone getting sick or passed out during the day. Also because I know the drinking habits of the groomsmen, I organzied for them to meet for breakfast the morning of at local resturant, then they headed back to our house to get ready for the day. Again, this way I knew they had food in their stomach. So mine was more of a, I don't want people sick or passing out because they drank but didn't eat.

lyndausvi · January 2014

mimiphin said:

Parent albums??? What? If our parents aren't hosting/paying why the hell would I, do we still have to give them a gift?

Calm down, it's okay. You don't have to give them anything.

That said, we gave MIL an album even though she did not contribute anything to the wedding. We thought as the mom-of-the-groom she just might enjoy an album of her son's wedding. We did it because we thought she would enjoy the gift, NOT because of sense of obligation or anything. It was just a simple act of kindness.

tammym1001 · January 2014

lyndausvi said:

mimiphin said:

Parent albums??? What? If our parents aren't hosting/paying why the hell would I, do we still have to give them a gift?

Calm down, it's okay. You don't have to give them anything.

That said, we gave MIL an album even though she did not contribute anything to the wedding. We thought as the mom-of-the-groom she just might enjoy an album of her son's wedding. We did it because we thought she would enjoy the gift, NOT because of sense of obligation or anything. It was just a simple act of kindness.

This! We are getting albums for both of our parents. Neither one of them is contributing a penny to our wedding and we wouldn't let them even if they offered, but we would still like them to have pictures of their children's wedding.

whitney37354 · January 2014

I've been a bridesmaid four times. I've been to one bridal brunch & it was on the day of the wedding, with the wedding being at 3:00 p.m. It seemed rushed to me, but it was my first time being in a wedding, so I had no idea of how it was "supposed" to be. I had my hair done early, went to the brunch, then to the church to get ready so we could do some of the pictures before ther ceremony.

When my sister married, the bridesmaids got together a couple weeks before the wedding at my parent's house for a cookout. Then we all went dutch treat to a movie. That was a lot more relaxing that the day-of brunch.

Are bridesmaid brunches mandatory?

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