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Wedding Woes

Non-judgemental advice about money and pushing our date.

So, long story short, my FH and I had saved up all the money we would be needing in a savings account and our budget is and was going fine until June of 2013. During this month, my FH lost his job, our car was stolen and totaled and our cat got very sick. Needless to say, it took him two months to find a job, the vet bill was over a grand and we have a $400 car bill every month. Our original budget for our wedding was 10k (this included everything) and we've done really well at getting all the details taken care of- since we got engaged in September 2012 and weren't planning on getting married until this May. And now, 4 months till, we have all of our invitations sent, my dress, his clothes, all of our DIY aspects, a photographer, cake decorator, florist and everything on hold. But with the financial setbacks, the 8k that was to be used for our venue and catering is now 5.5k. We're nervous about not being able to save up the extra in 4 months. We're thinking we will at least get about 1k back in tax returns, we're holding a yard sale when the weather is better, I'm selling crafts and vintage items on Etsy, our budget is pulled in tight and if we're good with grocery money, we'll be saving 400 a month just from income and we have a 1.5k credit line that we haven't used yet.

If push comes to shove and we have to wait another year to get married (my worst nightmare), we will, but we don't want to wait until the last second to notify guests and vendors.

When should I decide if we push back or not?

I don't need criticism (I've seen it in the boards) about planning a wedding we didn't budget for, because prior to this summer, we had plenty of money.

Re: Non-judgemental advice about money and pushing our date.

  • I understand not wanting to wait, but when it comes down to it, it's a one day party.  There's no reason to walk the financial tightrope over it. 

    Is there anything you can scale back with the wedding?  Go with a different meal option?  Are you doing a bar?  If so, maybe just offer beer and wine?  Cut out favors or cut down on flowers? Go with cheaper flowers?  Did you send out save-the-dates?  If not, is there anyone you can cut from the guest list?  

  • I'm sorry you two have had a hard time. I think it's great that you're concerned about your guests on all of this.

    You said you're 4 months out and have sent your invites already. That is REALLY early.

    Talk to your florist about going with less expensive flowers. If you didn't already have it booked, I'd have said go with costco, sams club, or a local grocer. They can do amazing stuff for not a lot of money.

    Scale back on the reception. Offer limited bar (beer wine) or no bar at all- there's nothing wrong with a dry wedding. Look over your menu options and go for less expensive choices. Ditto with any appetizers offered for cocktail time.

    Sending good vibes for you two to get a windfall and that this all works out for you.

  • mizbloo said:
    So, long story short, my FH and I had saved up all the money we would be needing in a savings account and our budget is and was going fine until June of 2013. During this month, my FH lost his job, our car was stolen and totaled and our cat got very sick. Needless to say, it took him two months to find a job, the vet bill was over a grand and we have a $400 car bill every month. Our original budget for our wedding was 10k (this included everything) and we've done really well at getting all the details taken care of- since we got engaged in September 2012 and weren't planning on getting married until this May. And now, 4 months till, we have all of our invitations sent, my dress, his clothes, all of our DIY aspects, a photographer, cake decorator, florist and everything on hold. But with the financial setbacks, the 8k that was to be used for our venue and catering is now 5.5k. We're nervous about not being able to save up the extra in 4 months. We're thinking we will at least get about 1k back in tax returns, we're holding a yard sale when the weather is better, I'm selling crafts and vintage items on Etsy, our budget is pulled in tight and if we're good with grocery money, we'll be saving 400 a month just from income and we have a 1.5k credit line that we haven't used yet.

    If push comes to shove and we have to wait another year to get married (my worst nightmare), we will, but we don't want to wait until the last second to notify guests and vendors.

    When should I decide if we push back or not?

    I don't need criticism (I've seen it in the boards) about planning a wedding we didn't budget for, because prior to this summer, we had plenty of money.

    You cant tell people how to post. They can give any opinions they want, however they see fit.

    I would push your wedding back now. People might start to arrange travel plans that they will need to cancel/ modify. It sounds like you already sent your invites out, 4+ months early. I hope this isn't the case. But if it is, I would get on the phone and start calling people.

    There is no good reason to go into debt for a wedding. Postpone and have it when you can afford to host it debt-free

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Hmm... it's already been said, but yes 4 months is super early, especially if you were already considering pushing back the wedding. But it's done, so you have a few options:

    If you want to avoid pushing it back, I'd look into scaling the wedding back as PP suggested (I think serving cake/punch and maybe some appetizers would be super cute and cost-effective). Slash the costs of your flowers/other nonessentials. Talk to your venue about your budget and see if they'll work with you -- it's worth a shot, right?

    If you don't want to cut those costs, then I'd push the date back soon and notify your guests immediately. It doesn't make sense to go in debt for a wedding -- it's one day and you have to be able to LIVE afterwards, you know? Even if you can swing it, I'd stil be inclined to postpone, only because the idea of just making it (and using my available credit in the process) would make me way too anxious. Save your available credit for emergencies, not for something silly like flowers/favors.

    One more thing: you mentioned that you'd push the wedding back a year and that it'd be your worst nightmare. Why would you push back a whole year? Why not like 6 months (if you think you could save the money by then)? Also, this is not a nightmare. People postpone their weddings all the time, so don't stress over that.

    Good luck!

     

  • Ditto PP on pretty much everything. Four months is very early to have sent out invites, but since you have, it's imperative that you make this decision ASAP. 

    Where can you cut your budget -- flowers? Alcohol? Favours? Entrees? 

    Our whole budget was less than $8K -- right around $7K, and that included a hosted bar, so it's do-able.

    Aside from feeling prickly that you told us how to post, which was unnecessary, we are happy to help.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Update post.

    I wasn't really saying you couldn't post criticism, I was saying I don't need it or judgmental advice. I guess you can take that however you want to, but it's really just saying I won't reply or give energy into people posting unhelpful things. I can't tell you how many times I've had people scream at me to not plan a wedding I didn't budget for, without even realizing the extent of what's happened in the last 6 months. Or how often I see that posted in Wedding Woe's too. Sorry you guys took offense to that.

    If I seem extra annoyed, I apologize. Both of my cousins recently got married and they know people. We're not a tight-knit family, but they've been giving me a lot of unsolicited advice on how they managed to only pay $2000-3000 on their wedding. And it's just.. I don't know people that would let me have my wedding on their property, or people that will cook for our wedding, or ect ect ect for our wedding for free. So that's been an obnoxious thing and it's been stressing me out.


    I know 4 months is a long time before a wedding to send out invitations, but did so because we have a pretty specific date for a pretty specific reason. We're getting married on May 25th, which is a Sunday and also Memorial Day weekend. We wanted our guests (a lot of which will have to travel) to have plenty of time to get cheaper traveling options and to decide if they wanted to forgo their camping and BBQ traditions for our wedding.
    We picked the date for a very personal reason and I won't budge on it.
    I also don't want a fall wedding either, since everything we've DIY'd and my dress is spring orientated so if we pushed, it would have to be a year. It just wouldn't go well. I know that's picky and if I'm really concerned about getting married, I won't care when it is but it's something me and my FH aren't willing to budge on.

    As for cutting things, our venue has a mandatory minimum of $2000 on catering (the venue does it's own catering) and the venue is already letting us stay just under $2000 as is. I can't really cut it back without losing the ability to use the venue.
    I'm currently talking to my venue coordinator about scaling back the things that they use to decorate. They're providing center pieces, tableware, candles, chair covers and ect, some of which I don't need. I'm also going to be asking them to use babys breath instead of white roses, combined with that and the unnecessary need of their center pieces, I'm thinking it might cut it back at least a few hundred dollars?

    Our flowers are only $385, which has a $200 non-refundable deposit that goes towards the price.

    And I also talked with my friend, who's making our cake, and she's going to give it to us as a wedding gift and I've decided to do some baking for our guests' desserts instead of ordering a sheet cake.

    Do you think if I talked to the photographer, I could ask to not have her print package? We only plan on providing ourselves and FH's mother with a book, but we want to do it ourselves and the added cost of that is $250.

    I feel like I should mention that our guest list is 70 people in entirety, which includes our bridal party. We cut our guest list from 135 in November to cut down on favors and little things that would cost extra (the venue renting chairs, tableware, ect).
  • Update on an update.


    A friend of my late mother has decided to let us use some of his property. He's going on vacation and wanted someone to pick his strawberries and water his wife's plants and in return, he said we could have our wedding there!

    Schewing.
  • mizbloo said:
    Update on an update.


    A friend of my late mother has decided to let us use some of his property. He's going on vacation and wanted someone to pick his strawberries and water his wife's plants and in return, he said we could have our wedding there!

    Schewing.
    But I thought you were booked with another venue already?  If you switch venues, won't you lose your deposit?  Plus when cancelling so close to your wedding date many venues will bill you for a portion of the total quoted cost anyways, on top of your deposit.

    Are you now considering having an out door wedding?  Have you considered the logistics of this move. . . not being critical just asking?  Because you will need to rent a floor and tent in the case of rain, figure out lighting depending on how late your reception will go, get a caterer to do the food. 

    Is there a fridge on site that is big enough to hold your cake until it is time to be cut?  Depending on  where you live Memorial Day can be hot and your cake could start to melt or weep if left outside too long.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • mizbloo said:
    Update post.

    I wasn't really saying you couldn't post criticism, I was saying I don't need it or judgmental advice. I guess you can take that however you want to, but it's really just saying I won't reply or give energy into people posting unhelpful things. I can't tell you how many times I've had people scream at me to not plan a wedding I didn't budget for, without even realizing the extent of what's happened in the last 6 months. Or how often I see that posted in Wedding Woe's too. Sorry you guys took offense to that.

    If I seem extra annoyed, I apologize. Both of my cousins recently got married and they know people. We're not a tight-knit family, but they've been giving me a lot of unsolicited advice on how they managed to only pay $2000-3000 on their wedding. And it's just.. I don't know people that would let me have my wedding on their property, or people that will cook for our wedding, or ect ect ect for our wedding for free. So that's been an obnoxious thing and it's been stressing me out.


    I know 4 months is a long time before a wedding to send out invitations, but did so because we have a pretty specific date for a pretty specific reason. We're getting married on May 25th, which is a Sunday and also Memorial Day weekend. We wanted our guests (a lot of which will have to travel) to have plenty of time to get cheaper traveling options and to decide if they wanted to forgo their camping and BBQ traditions for our wedding.
    We picked the date for a very personal reason and I won't budge on it.
    I also don't want a fall wedding either, since everything we've DIY'd and my dress is spring orientated so if we pushed, it would have to be a year. It just wouldn't go well. I know that's picky and if I'm really concerned about getting married, I won't care when it is but it's something me and my FH aren't willing to budge on.

    As for cutting things, our venue has a mandatory minimum of $2000 on catering (the venue does it's own catering) and the venue is already letting us stay just under $2000 as is. I can't really cut it back without losing the ability to use the venue.
    I'm currently talking to my venue coordinator about scaling back the things that they use to decorate. They're providing center pieces, tableware, candles, chair covers and ect, some of which I don't need. I'm also going to be asking them to use babys breath instead of white roses, combined with that and the unnecessary need of their center pieces, I'm thinking it might cut it back at least a few hundred dollars?

    Our flowers are only $385, which has a $200 non-refundable deposit that goes towards the price.

    And I also talked with my friend, who's making our cake, and she's going to give it to us as a wedding gift and I've decided to do some baking for our guests' desserts instead of ordering a sheet cake.

    Do you think if I talked to the photographer, I could ask to not have her print package? We only plan on providing ourselves and FH's mother with a book, but we want to do it ourselves and the added cost of that is $250.

    I feel like I should mention that our guest list is 70 people in entirety, which includes our bridal party. We cut our guest list from 135 in November to cut down on favors and little things that would cost extra (the venue renting chairs, tableware, ect).

    First bolded, clearly you are taking the time to respond.

    Second bolded, this is a key example of why sending STDs are a good idea. You could have sent a STD email and saved yourself a big headache.

    Its great that you are now getting a venue for free. But are you loosing a deposit on your old venue? Do you have a back up plan for weather if you plan to host the reception outside? What about parking? Your caters might need more supplies if the venue isnt indoors. They will have to have a way to keep food at the appropriate temp. What about bathrooms? What happens if someone breaks something at the friends house? Just a few things to consider.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • How will this change of venue impact your budget?  Consider the points the PP is making.

     But are you loosing a deposit on your old venue? Do you have a back up plan for weather if you plan to host the reception outside? What about parking? Your caters might need more supplies if the venue isnt indoors. They will have to have a way to keep food at the appropriate temp. What about bathrooms? What happens if someone breaks something at the friends house? Just a few things to consider.

    Also, since you've already sent out your invitations, which list the first venue, how will you notify all your guests of the change?

    I know you are looking for ways to cut your budget, but I'm not sure this decision is going to get you to your goal.


    image
  • OK, I'm not one to typically recommend financing what you can't afford but here is my argument for using cards for whatever comes in above the cash you currently have.

    If you move your date that means you lose your deposit on the flowers, probably the venue and what you spent on invitations. For the sake of conversation, lets say that is $500. This is $500 that no only will you not get back, but it is $500 you will need to spend AGAIN when you rebook your wedding. So your $385 flowers are now $585 when you factor in the lost $200. Does that make sense? 

    If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, it looks like you are about 3,500 short, yes? At 25% interest you can take an entire year to pay off the balance and you would lose (wait for it) about $500. And you won't have to spend that money again in rebooking. Plus, you could use what ever cash gifts you get (assuming you get some) and use that to pay off the card faster. It is very likely that you will actually save money by keeping your date, charging, and paying the debt off at a responsible rate, than canceling and forfeiting deposits.

    So my vote is go for it!
    image
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
    SBmini said: OK, I'm not one to typically recommend financing what you can't afford but here is my argument for using cards for whatever comes in above the cash you currently have.
    If you move your date that means you lose your deposit on the flowers, probably the venue and what you spent on invitations. For the sake of conversation, lets say that is $500. This is $500 that no only will you not get back, but it is $500 you will need to spend AGAIN when you rebook your wedding. So your $385 flowers are now $585 when you factor in the lost $200. Does that make sense? 
    If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, it looks like you are about 3,500 short, yes? At 25% interest you can take an entire year to pay off the balance and you would lose (wait for it) about $500. And you won't have to spend that money again in rebooking. Plus, you could use what ever cash gifts you get (assuming you get some) and use that to pay off the card faster. It is very likely that you will actually save money by keeping your date, charging, and paying the debt off at a responsible rate, than canceling and forfeiting deposits.
    So my vote is go for it!

    Best argument I've ever seen for borrowing to pay for your wedding.  Don't
    count on getting cash gifts to pay off the card, of course.  Just make sure you can pay off the debt within several months to a year without depending on cash gifts.

    Edited: quote box problems
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I'm not reading any responses, b/c all I want to respond to is the non-judgemental part.

    Since HMo has abandoned us again, I give you:  Lucille:

    image
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