No One Seems Excited....

KimberElena1217 · January 2014

Hello all! I came here to see if I was being crazy or not. My wedding is 6 months out (06.21.2014), and we've been engaged since last June. Now, I don't expect my loving fiance to be all that into the wedding details- I am totally okay with his glazed over look and nonchalance about table runners and procession music. However, I feel like only my best friend is actually excited. My mom and MIL are kind of 'eh' about it all, as are my soon-to-be sisters-in-law. I know that not everyone is super outwardly excitable, but my mother is the woman that had an entire closet of baby and toddler clothes for my niece before my SIL was even 4 months pregnant (and that was a relationship they DIDN'T even approve of!). I am at a loss as to how to explain to my mom that her lack of excitement and involvement makes me want to ditch my wedding plans and just go to the courthouse. Any other brides out there getting bummed about the lack of excitement?

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

My mum has kind of been the same way. I expected her to be all over-the-moon and gushy and excited about everything after we got engaged, but she has been VERY reserved. For example: I showed her the invites we picked last weekend, and as I explained everything that would be on them, all I got in response was "mhmm." I don't think she even said that they look nice (maybe she doesn't like them? haha).

You have to learn to just let it slide, unfortunately. Chances are, they're probably excited but don't want to make your day about them, or make you feel as though they're stepping on your toes.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

Yep, my family is not nearly as excited as I am. And that's okay.

I get bummed sometimes when I watch TV and see dads crying over their daughter's dress or giving these eloquent toasts or whatever. You just have to understand those are pop culture images and all edited to portray a certain kind of wedding industry hype. Are some parents over the moon about their kids' weddings? Yeah, just not most of them.

But, we love weddings on TK! Come post about your excitement anytime!

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

I don't understand why you would give your FI a pass, but expect your mothers to be as excited as you are.

It's his wedding too. He is the one who should be excited.

pinkcow13 · January 2014

Same here. FI's mom is the one that is excited (she's already talking about losing weight for the wedding to look fabulous in her dress. That's another story). My parents are not. I'm not hurt or anything, just more annoyed. Growing up my parents were all about me getting married, blah blah, and now that I'm engaged they're nonchalant about it. But that's more about our personal issues than anything. I basically talk to my FI, the ladies here on TK, and some of my friends who seem to be more excited to be bridesmaids than I am haha. My friend texted me the other night telling me she was ready for her bridesmaids duties lol. So just enjoy this time, and don't stress about your family not being as involved or interested, it does not mean that they don't care about you.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

My mom doesn't care. she didn't go dress shopping with me. or come see the venue or anything.. she isn't coming cake tasting with me....nobody is going to care about your wedding as mush as you do.. But hang out with us..we all care about weddings!

JCbride2015 · January 2014

pinkcow13 said:

Same here. FI's mom is the one that is excited (she's already talking about losing weight for the wedding to look fabulous in her dress. That's another story). My parents are not. I'm not hurt or anything, just more annoyed. Growing up my parents were all about me getting married, blah blah, and now that I'm engaged they're nonchalant about it. But that's more about our personal issues than anything. I basically talk to my FI, the ladies here on TK, and some of my friends who seem to be more excited to be bridesmaids than I am haha. My friend texted me the other night telling me she was ready for her bridesmaids duties lol. So just enjoy this time, and don't stress about your family not being as involved or interested, it does not mean that they don't care about you.

@pinkcow13 Sometimes I think you, Cookie, and I all lead parallel lives. This is exactly my parent situation. FMIL is over the moon and on a serious diet (already lost some weight), can't stop talking about her MOG dress. FILs were the ones to throw our e-party once they heard I wanted one; my dad was actively anti-party. My parents are sort of "eh" about it. They love Fi but the wedding is just a party to them since we've been together so long.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

Our parents really couldn't care less about the minutiae of our wedding. My younger sister got married a couple years ago, FI's younger sister is married... both our parents got the first weddings out of the way, so they aren't as outwardly excited. I mean, don't get me wrong, FFIL's head basically exploded when I mentioned that I was still leaning towards cancelling and just doing the Vegas thing and my mom has been giving me lots of "weight loss" tips (AKA How to Become Anorexic and Love It lol), so they have expectations of a WEDDING and would totally jump in if we asked for help. When it comes down to it, they figure FI and I got this thing on lock so they spend their energy focusing on their own lives and letting us live ours.

I'm very lucky that my coworkers have been really supportive of my wedding planning, helping me with finding vendors and covering my daily duties at work so I can go off on wedding-related appointments. The ladies here have been so awesome in helping me keep my stress levels to a minimum with the fabulous memes and gifs.

melbelleup · January 2014

Yeah, my mom could care less what my centerpieces look like, yet I still send her photos... she doesn't give a hoot about anything, but my dress. I actually stopped talking wedding with everyone but my fiance. It helps a lot more.

KimberElena1217 · January 2014

I think I'm just taking it pretty hard since said best friend was going to be my MOH, and then got notice that she will be deployed during that time frame. I was cool with just her being the super excited one when she was still going to be here with me for it, but since that news I'm a sad little bride-to-be and seriously considering just going the JOP route. It seems kind of meaningless to have a whole ceremony and reception if everyone that is going is just kind of... 'eh'. Ha ha, it could also be the stress of doing this whole thing by myself has finally made me crack!

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

We feel ya, @KimberElena1217. Take a deep breath, talk to your FI about how you're feeling (because you should be able to share these feelings with him, even if just for moral support), and decide where you want to go from there. Just remember, you've got a whole message board full of women who want to hear about your ideas/plans, help and advise you in any way we can, and will be excited to see pictures when your big day arrives!

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

@KimberElena1217 There's a time in everyone's lives where you realize that parents can kind of be jerks. It's not that they don't love you, or that they aren't excited- it's just how they are reacting. Talk to your FI about what he envisions for a ceremony, and find what will make the two of you the happiest. You only get married once (hopefully), so enjoy the ceremony that you decide to have.

Rebl90 · January 2014

KimberElena1217 said:

I think I'm just taking it pretty hard since said best friend was going to be my MOH, and then got notice that she will be deployed during that time frame. I was cool with just her being the super excited one when she was still going to be here with me for it, but since that news I'm a sad little bride-to-be and seriously considering just going the JOP route. It seems kind of meaningless to have a whole ceremony and reception if everyone that is going is just kind of... 'eh'. Ha ha, it could also be the stress of doing this whole thing by myself has finally made me crack!

I'm concerned by this statement, are you only having a wedding because you think matters to other people and will make them excited? I don't really understand what that has to do with your ceremony and reception. I am having a ceremony and reception with my family and friends because it is what my FI and I want, because we are the two people getting married.

edited: I can't spell

pinkcow13 · January 2014

Definitely @JCBride2014! I totally know what you mean, I too think we lead parallel lives haha! Maybe when it's closer to the wedding my parents will be more excited, but I'm not banking on it. I'm just afraid once the date nears FMIL is going to drive me insane lol. She was texting me the other night asking about diets and what her goals are in terms of weight loss. SMH.

erinlin25 · January 2014

I promise people will be excited the DAY of your wedding. My MIL started getting excited maybe a month before. My friends got excited for the bachelorette party and I would get random texts here and there from that point leading up to the wedding with random excitement for the big day approaching.. No one else cares (no offense) when you still have 6 months to go

But the excitement will happen!

KytchynWitche · January 2014

It's horrible, I know, but most people just won't be excited until right before.

When my sister got married in 2008, I honestly didn't give two hoots about it until the morning of. It was the same when my dad got married a year later, and it's the same now that my sister's getting married again. Even when my best friend got married and I was part of her BP, I was excited that she'd found someone so perfect for, and I was happy that she was happy, but I really wasn't all that excited about the wedding itself.

It really isn't a reflection on how they feel about you. They care, and they will be excited when the time comes.

KimberElena1217 · January 2014

Yeah that came out poorly, huh? I know that the ceremony and whatnot is about commitment and celebration of that choice, and what I very-poorly tried to get across there (lol) was that we (me & FI) would be okay with a private exchange, but due to the number of siblings on both sides of the family that didn't have weddings, both sets of parents seemed to really want us to have a "real" wedding. But I think all you ladies are right- no one really gets pumped for a wedding that isn't there until around the day of!

It was definitely good to hear though that others have felt this from family.

Thank you ladies!

zitiqueen · January 2014

KimberElena1217 said:

Yeah that came out poorly, huh? I know that the ceremony and whatnot is about commitment and celebration of that choice, and what I very-poorly tried to get across there (lol) was that we (me & FI) would be okay with a private exchange, but due to the number of siblings on both sides of the family that didn't have weddings, both sets of parents seemed to really want us to have a "real" wedding. But I think all you ladies are right- no one really gets pumped for a wedding that isn't there until around the day of!

It was definitely good to hear though that others have felt this from family.

Thank you ladies!

You really just keep sticking your foot in your mouth here.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

What exactly is a "real" wedding?

KimberElena1217 · January 2014

"Real" wedding... I know that there are a thousand different ways to classify a wedding, and whatever the couple themselves want is their wedding. In the instances of my FSILs, they both got married @ the courthouse with no family in attendance, and told everyone later. There is nothing wrong with that at all, and they are both happy that they did it that way. However, my in-laws were pretty sad not to have gotten an opportunity to be involved in a celebration (there were no parties or delayed-receptions) for the couples. On my side, my brother had a wedding, but there was a lot of family shit and whatnot going on and it didn't turn out to be much of a celebration for anyone.

So I don't mean that there is a certain amount spent or whatever to make it a real wedding, I just meant that our families haven't had a wedding-like celebration and they kind of deserve one.

zitiqueen · January 2014

KimberElena1217 said:

"Real" wedding... I know that there are a thousand different ways to classify a wedding, and whatever the couple themselves want is their wedding. In the instances of my FSILs, they both got married @ the courthouse with no family in attendance, and told everyone later. There is nothing wrong with that at all, and they are both happy that they did it that way. However, my in-laws were pretty sad not to have gotten an opportunity to be involved in a celebration (there were no parties or delayed-receptions) for the couples. On my side, my brother had a wedding, but there was a lot of family shit and whatnot going on and it didn't turn out to be much of a celebration for anyone.

So I don't mean that there is a certain amount spent or whatever to make it a real wedding, I just meant that our families haven't had a wedding-like celebration and they kind of deserve one.

You're trolling us, right?

No One Seems Excited....

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