NWR: Give me strength. (semi-XP)

Re: NWR: Give me strength. (semi-XP)

• tmclawchick member

  

  January 2014

  Yuck! Yuck to all of that! This guy just sounds awful. FI's brother can be a tall drink of annoying as well but luckily we only see him once a year or so. How does your FI feel about it? I'd be piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed if somebody drove FI to work while they were drunk... wow.

  *passes the wine*

   

  Report1 Reply
• Emmy1493 member

  

  January 2014

  Um, why hasn't your FI B**** Slapped him yet? I would have already. He would have had that key taken long ago after he thought it was okay to just walk on in. No, just no. Hope it gets better. Have FI talk with him as it is his brother.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  I would have already taken back his key. And hey, bright side? He doesn't get a suit, he's not in the wedding, and that's even less you have to see him.
  
  Good luck!!
  
  ETF stupid typo

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report2 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  January 2014

  Ugh, he sounds awful. 

  Report0 Reply
• jdluvr06 member

  

  January 2014

  Sorry. He sounds aweful.

  Report0 Reply
• KytchynWitche member

  

  January 2014

  I am sending you all the wine, all the chocolate, and all the hugs. All of them.

  

  Report1 Reply
• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  January 2014

  Thanks everyone! He has his good moments, but they're getting few and far between. FI isn't impressed with him, either, and has said that if he makes any fuss about the cost of a suit or any of his obligations as BM, he's out and someone else will stand up for FI.

  
  

  @emmaxbean93 @HisGirlFriday13 -- totally agree that the key should have been taken back a long time ago. FI and I have argued over that before, and he convinced me to let him keep it (for now) for various reasons. I'm definitely at my limit for the walking-into-the-house thing, though, and FI is, too, so we'll see how tonight goes.

  
  

  @tmclawchick I'm still livid that he drove drunk, and it was almost a week ago. We've had enough drunks in both of our extended families that they should all know better. FI tore into him after he found out that he was still 'tipsy', because he could have easily asked FI to drive his car instead (they work at the same place, so it would have been easy enough). What bothers me most is that by not disclosing that he had been drinking until 4am and only got 3 hours of sleep, he didn't give FI the option of saying, "I don't want to drive with a drunk, tired driver, thanks."

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Emmy1493 member

  

  January 2014

  Well I hope it works out for you and your FI! That sounds like a rough situation to have to deal with, and frustrating. Then again everything seems like it's getting down to the wire for me, so my nerves are a little more showy than usual. :P

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  January 2014

  emmaxbean93 said:

  Well I hope it works out for you and your FI! That sounds like a rough situation to have to deal with, and frustrating. Then again everything seems like it's getting down to the wire for me, so my nerves are a little more showy than usual. :P

  Same! I don't have much longer than you, and have very little patience for anything right now.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Emmy1493 member

  

  January 2014

  pumpkinsandturkeys said:

  emmaxbean93 said:

  Well I hope it works out for you and your FI! That sounds like a rough situation to have to deal with, and frustrating. Then again everything seems like it's getting down to the wire for me, so my nerves are a little more showy than usual. :P

  Same! I don't have much longer than you, and have very little patience for anything right now.

  I see that! It's exciting but stressful, huh? lol I just feel I have gotten the big chunk of things done, but the smaller details that are easier done, seem to be the most stressful. I think it's a normal stress though. I just need some kitty cuddle time and a yummy meal.

  
  

  And no joke about the patience! I'm same exact way, almost daily, so I can relate very much. Vent away!

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  January 2014

  emmaxbean93 said:

  pumpkinsandturkeys said:

  emmaxbean93 said:

  Well I hope it works out for you and your FI! That sounds like a rough situation to have to deal with, and frustrating. Then again everything seems like it's getting down to the wire for me, so my nerves are a little more showy than usual. :P

  Same! I don't have much longer than you, and have very little patience for anything right now.

  I see that! It's exciting but stressful, huh? lol I just feel I have gotten the big chunk of things done, but the smaller details that are easier done, seem to be the most stressful. I think it's a normal stress though. I just need some kitty cuddle time and a yummy meal.

  
  

  And no joke about the patience! I'm same exact way, almost daily, so I can relate very much. Vent away!

  
  

  **stuck in box. Ugh. **

  
  

  @emmaxbean93 It's definitely the little things that are becoming stressful! I know that most won't matter in the end -- they're just annoying right now because you have to make a decision one way or another.

  
  

  I've definitely started drinking more over the last month... haha

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  January 2014

  Update: FBIL didn't come over last night -- they switched it to tonight. I walked in the door and my dining room light was on and there were shoes blocking my path in the foyer. I turned to FI and asked him if FBIL was over and he said yes -- he forgot to tell me.

  
  

  I'm SO mad. First of all, we've discussed this SO many times. He knows that I hate having someone in my house before I get home. I have a very stressful job, and I like having at least half an hour of alone time before anyone else comes over. I need it for my sanity. On top of that, FI and I fought the whole car ride home, and now we don't even have a chance to come back to that fight and make up and fix things, because his brother was already here, and will probably be here until I go to bed, and there's nowhere private to go in our house where he won't hear us.

  
  

  I'm mad at FBIL and I'm mad at FI. I hate that neither of them are respecting my wishes when it comes to our home, especially since FI is totally on my side about FBIL using his key instead of knocking -- but this is acceptable?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  pumpkinsandturkeys said:

  Update: FBIL didn't come over last night -- they switched it to tonight. I walked in the door and my dining room light was on and there were shoes blocking my path in the foyer. I turned to FI and asked him if FBIL was over and he said yes -- he forgot to tell me.

  
  

  I'm SO mad. First of all, we've discussed this SO many times. He knows that I hate having someone in my house before I get home. I have a very stressful job, and I like having at least half an hour of alone time before anyone else comes over. I need it for my sanity. On top of that, FI and I fought the whole car ride home, and now we don't even have a chance to come back to that fight and make up and fix things, because his brother was already here, and will probably be here until I go to bed, and there's nowhere private to go in our house where he won't hear us.

  
  

  I'm mad at FBIL and I'm mad at FI. I hate that neither of them are respecting my wishes when it comes to our home, especially since FI is totally on my side about FBIL using his key instead of knocking -- but this is acceptable?

  Maybe I'm dense, or maybe it's just been a long day and I'm confused, but did you come home tonight, with your FI, and find your FBIL in there? Am I reading that right?

  
  

  Because if so, you then have a two-fold problem: One, your FBIL again BLATANTLY disregarded your wishes and it's time to take back his key and; two, your FI doesn't have your back and isn't putting your needs above his brother's, which is ALSO an issue.

  
  

  I think your frustrations are completely justified and acceptable. One of the (many, many, MANY) reasons no one in DH's family has a key to our apartment (or know where we live, for most of them) is because they couldn't be trusted not to abuse it, and just come over whenever they wanted to. No no. Not allowed.

  
  

  Can you (privately) take FI aside and say, "You need to make your brother leave because you and I need time, right now, to talk?"

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report1 Reply
• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  January 2014

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  pumpkinsandturkeys said:

  Update: FBIL didn't come over last night -- they switched it to tonight. I walked in the door and my dining room light was on and there were shoes blocking my path in the foyer. I turned to FI and asked him if FBIL was over and he said yes -- he forgot to tell me.

  
  

  I'm SO mad. First of all, we've discussed this SO many times. He knows that I hate having someone in my house before I get home. I have a very stressful job, and I like having at least half an hour of alone time before anyone else comes over. I need it for my sanity. On top of that, FI and I fought the whole car ride home, and now we don't even have a chance to come back to that fight and make up and fix things, because his brother was already here, and will probably be here until I go to bed, and there's nowhere private to go in our house where he won't hear us.

  
  

  I'm mad at FBIL and I'm mad at FI. I hate that neither of them are respecting my wishes when it comes to our home, especially since FI is totally on my side about FBIL using his key instead of knocking -- but this is acceptable?

  Maybe I'm dense, or maybe it's just been a long day and I'm confused, but did you come home tonight, with your FI, and find your FBIL in there? Am I reading that right?

  
  

  Because if so, you then have a two-fold problem: One, your FBIL again BLATANTLY disregarded your wishes and it's time to take back his key and; two, your FI doesn't have your back and isn't putting your needs above his brother's, which is ALSO an issue.

  
  

  I think your frustrations are completely justified and acceptable. One of the (many, many, MANY) reasons no one in DH's family has a key to our apartment (or know where we live, for most of them) is because they couldn't be trusted not to abuse it, and just come over whenever they wanted to. No no. Not allowed.

  
  

  Can you (privately) take FI aside and say, "You need to make your brother leave because you and I need time, right now, to talk?"

  @HisGirlFriday13 You're not dense or confused -- my FBIL was already in my freaking house before FI and I got home. And yes, FI okayed this. I'm RAGING.

  
  

  If it was just him here tonight, I could definitely pull FI aside and have him ask FBIL to leave. However, another friend of theirs was enroute to get here about an hour later (which is when I expected FBIL, too) and I just don't have the mental clarity or energy to deal with this bullshit right now.

  
  

  I'm more pissed at FI than anything else, for all of the reasons you explained. There are going to be a few very frank conversations about this one, for sure. He's generally very respectful of me and doesn't undermine my wishes, but shit's gonna hit the fan this time.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  @pumpkinsandturkeys -- I'm glad to know I am neither dense nor confused. I have so little sanity left, I want to preserve it if I can!

  
  

  But all kidding aside -- Yeah, I'd be raging, too. I'd be FURIOUS about it, and you have every right to be. Your FI knows this is a hot button issue for you and knows you don't like having your FBIL in your house without your letting him in pisses you off and he knows that you need time to decompress and he, what -- just ignored all of that? Not cool. 

  
  

  I also work in an at times very stressful job, and there have been times DH has wanted to go somewhere/have people over/do something and I'm just like, "No, I can't. I need mental alone time right now." I'm also hugely introverted (not a great character trait for someone who works in journalism), and I need my alone time or I will go ape-shit on someone (usually DH).

  
  

  I definitely back the needing to have a frank come-to-Jesus with FI about this, because this is so not OK on so many levels.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report0 Reply
• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  @HisGirlFriday13 I'm starting to wonder if I have any sanity left... haha

  
  

  I went to bed early last night because it's been an exhausting week, and FI drove me to work today. While in the car, I brought up the issue of his brother, and right away, he said he knew that it bothered me and apologized. He said that he had been on his way to pick me up after work, and FBIL had texted him, saying that the errands he was going to run didn't kill much time, so he'd be coming over early, and despite FI protesting, FBIL argued until FI gave up.

  
  

  He also told me that after we got home last night (I went upstairs to rage and get away from them), he had a frank, what-the-hell-is-your-problem chat with FBIL about all of this. He re-emphasized that the key is for emergencies only (or other rare, one-off instances when we give him permission to enter the house unannounced) -- it is not to be used on a regular basis. He also told him that we don't care if it's inconvenient for him to go home after work before coming to our house, or if he can't find some other way to occupy his time. Our home is not a frat house/flophouse, and if he treats it like that again, he doesn't get a key.

  
  

  FBIL argued with him throughout the conversation, including once again trying to justify letting himself in because the doorbell doesn't work (seriously -- fucking KNOCK!), and FI pushed back until FBIL gave up on arguing.

  
  

  I'm still annoyed, but I'm glad that he spoke with him. I don't like the idea of giving him another chance, but I'm willing to compromise this once to see if FBIL will actually respect our wishes after that big talk last night. If he doesn't, it's proof that there's no getting through to him and I can take back the key without any hesitation from FI.

  
  

  ETA missing letters, because I can't type at 8 am.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply