Pre-wedding events: A few questions

EverAfer · January 2014

1) I have three distinct group of friends I used to live locally-state A, moved to a different state-B, then moved back to A. In B, I have a very close group of friend that we go on girls weekend 2-3 times a year. And also other close friends not involved in girls' weekend. We kept girls weekend close to balance personalities and schedule conflicts.

A very close friend in the girls weekend group offered to host a bachelorette party, which I suspect will be a weekend away. I'm concerned that friends in Al find that a hardship. Most of A list are married, 2 pregnant, many with children and limited budgets and time. Most of B list are single and have more free time and splurge money.

So, before planning is done, should I ask the friend to scale back the activities and costs and invite A and B or ask her to limit it to just B or just the girls from girls weekend? I don't want people to feel left out or stretch their budget and time.

2) My MOH is a lovely wonderful man. He wants to discuss bachelorette party and bridal shower at end of month. I'm not sure how that would work. I know he wants to do it because he wants to. But I don't want him to feel like the only guy. Yes, he is gay but it's not a factor as much as he's a guy. I don't want him to feel awkward planning for and being with all women. Should I follow his lead or give him an out? I don't really want to give him an out cause I picked him to be MOH because he's that awesome, I think he's very excited about it. I also don't really need these events and can just decline the offer. I wouldn't mind a get together with the girls without it being a shower event. But still have it be an environment he's comfortable in. I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but he's been such a good friend through all of my crazy dating life I'd want whatever gets planned to be fun for him too.

3) The wedding is about 6 months away. When is the appropriate time for these activities, if it happens? I am very detailed and wants to at least spend the month before with only the wedding to think about and expecting to spend time with OOTs.

ashleyep · January 2014

You could have two different bachelorette parties with the different groups of friends if that makes things easier.

My former coworker is a straight married guy and he was the "man of honor" for a friend. I think what he ended up doing was forking up a lot of the cash for a shower, and letting the other girls do the bulk of the organization. I can't remember if he ultimately ended up participating in it or not, but if your MOH wants to, he totally can. The other bridesmaids can help him out.

Mitch617 · January 2014

You are probably overthinking #2. You say he is awesome and excited and wants to do it, and wants to fill you in on his plans. Let him take the lead. Unless he starts acting uncomfortable, trust that he is enjoying it and be thankful for all that he is planning for you! Don't decline.

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

EverAfer said:

1) I have three distinct group of friends I used to live locally-state A, moved to a different state-B, then moved back to A. In B, I have a very close group of friend that we go on girls weekend 2-3 times a year. And also other close friends not involved in girls' weekend. We kept girls weekend close to balance personalities and schedule conflicts. A very close friend in the girls weekend group offered to host a bachelorette party, which I suspect will be a weekend away. I'm concerned that friends in Al find that a hardship. Most of A list are married, 2 pregnant, many with children and limited budgets and time. Most of B list are single and have more free time and splurge money. So, before planning is done, should I ask the friend to scale back the activities and costs and invite A and B or ask her to limit it to just B or just the girls from girls weekend? I don't want people to feel left out or stretch their budget and time. 2) My MOH is a lovely wonderful man. He wants to discuss bachelorette party and bridal shower at end of month. I'm not sure how that would work. I know he wants to do it because he wants to. But I don't want him to feel like the only guy. Yes, he is gay but it's not a factor as much as he's a guy. I don't want him to feel awkward planning for and being with all women. Should I follow his lead or give him an out? I don't really want to give him an out cause I picked him to be MOH because he's that awesome, I think he's very excited about it. I also don't really need these events and can just decline the offer. I wouldn't mind a get together with the girls without it being a shower event. But still have it be an environment he's comfortable in. I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but he's been such a good friend through all of my crazy dating life I'd want whatever gets planned to be fun for him too. 3) The wedding is about 6 months away. When is the appropriate time for these activities, if it happens? I am very detailed and wants to at least spend the month before with only the wedding to think about and expecting to spend time with OOTs.

1.) I would accept the B party from your friends in the other state, but keep the list to them only. If someone else offers another B party (which it seems like your MOH has), the invite your other group of friends to that one.

2.) If you MOH is excited and wants to plan these events, then let him. He can plan what he is comfortable with. Did you want a shower? You seem to not want any physical gifts. Then tell your MOH that you don't need a shower, but you appreciate the offer for the B party and would like one planned.

3.) Usually a shower is within 3 months of the wedding and the B party is within the last month. But there are many things that can come into play for the timing of these parties. So there are really no hard and fast timelines for when these parties should be thrown.

cowgirl8238 · January 2014

I agree with OliveOilsMom on this one...everything she said is what I would have said!

grumbledore · January 2014

You are probably overthinking #2. You say he is awesome and excited and wants to do it, and wants to fill you in on his plans. Let him take the lead. Unless he starts acting uncomfortable, trust that he is enjoying it and be thankful for all that he is planning for you! Don't decline.

A thousand times this. My brother is my MOH, and he is super excited to be involved in ALL of the things. He has a lot more opinions than I expected actually. He is even going with me to look for a dress on Sunday.

EverAfer · January 2014

You guys are right. I'm just super A type and tend to stress unnecessarily.

@grumbledore, that's pretty awesome of your brother. My MoH has been so awesome, he offered to wear matching colors with the other BMs even though I said he doesn't have to. I am still amazed at how interested and willing he is.

Pre-wedding events: A few questions

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