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Wedding Woes

Left to my own devices I'm so stressed out I'm in physical pain...and we haven't even set a date yet

I don't see the point in picking a day and then finding out the venue you love doesn't have the day open (come on, we've seen the posts on here). Decided to also make the guest list to know how many people we need room for. 

Had the chapel picked out for a couple years and it only seats 65 people. Guest list ballooned up, decided some would have to only be invited to the reception. Contacted first choice reception venue because the owner personally told us they had a wedding there the previous weekend. Was told they don't allow weddings there. FI asked if I wanted to pull the owner card to try and argue our way in but I said I didn't want to go to the trouble and be a bridezilla. Contacted second choice venue. The main room we don't have enough people for. The other room isn't available even for decorating before 7pm. Contacted 3rd choice reception venue, had an absolute heart attack over the cost. Decided would have to look outside of the city where I live cause I won't even consider the other reception venue options available because they are not very me and my FI.

Looked at a church I'd thought about years ago wanting to get married at. Found a reception venue that's doable that I'd also looked at previously with the church. Both venues can hold more than our current guest list, meaning everyone can be invited to ceremony and reception plus our parents can invite more friends. Church gets back to me that they're completely booked every weekend for the month I wanted.

I want to go with the church and reception site, so now to decide on a new month, let alone date. Have narrowed it down to 3 different months. FI will give no input in the decision. All I keep thinking about is just picking the damn day but am worried that when I do, it'll get to be months from now and I'll want to change it. I've gone so far as to consult the Farmers Almanac and looking up Chinese auspicious wedding dates (and neither of us are East Asian at all). 

I'm leaning towards March 2015 and want a Saturday, so that leaves the 7th, 14th, 21st, and 28th. My birthday is the 21st. I thought that would be fun until I wanted to see what others thought and Googled it. Found a post where someone else was seeking an opinion on getting married on their birthday. A commenter replied that in the unfortunate event that you get divorced it would make you hate your birthday, so that's out. The 7th is MOH's birthday and I'm worried it would be like stealing her day. But I'm planning a morning wedding and brunch reception, so she'd still have the evening and night to party. She's really chill, so I don't think she'd care much anyway. I just keep looking and looking for something out there to make me decide on the date and haven't hit it. So that's why I'm so stressed out is because I can't pick a date and my muscles are in knots.

Re: Left to my own devices I'm so stressed out I'm in physical pain...and we haven't even set a date yet

  • Uhm....wow. OK. Take a deep breath. The correct order is:

    1. Get engaged (done!)
    2. Figure our a guest list -- must-invites; would like to invites; it would be nice to invite.
    3. Figure out your budget.
    4. Based on your budget, figure out what you can afford to spend per person.
    5. Look at venues that are in that price range.
    6. Determine if you need to cut the guest list to bump up the venue.
    7. Pick a venue and ask for their available dates. Be open to Fridays and Sundays.
    8. Pick a wedding date.
    9. Plan a wedding.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • I don't see the point in picking a day and then finding out the venue you love doesn't have the day open (come on, we've seen the posts on here). Decided to also make the guest list to know how many people we need room for. 

    Had the chapel picked out for a couple years and it only seats 65 people. Guest list ballooned up, decided some would have to only be invited to the reception. Um no, you don't get to do that. A reception is a celebration THANKING your guests for attending the ceremony.  What you are talking about is a tiered wedding and it is extremely rude. Contacted first choice reception venue because the owner personally told us they had a wedding there the previous weekend. Was told they don't allow weddings there. FI asked if I wanted to pull the owner card to try and argue our way in but I said I didn't want to go to the trouble and be a bridezilla. Contacted second choice venue. The main room we don't have enough people for. The other room isn't available even for decorating before 7pm. Contacted 3rd choice reception venue, had an absolute heart attack over the cost. Decided would have to look outside of the city where I live cause I won't even consider the other reception venue options available because they are not very me and my FI.

    Looked at a church I'd thought about years ago wanting to get married at. Found a reception venue that's doable that I'd also looked at previously with the church. Both venues can hold more than our current guest list, meaning everyone can be invited to ceremony and reception plus our parents can invite more friends. Church gets back to me that they're completely booked every weekend for the month I wanted. 

    I want to go with the church and reception site, so now to decide on a new month, let alone date. Have narrowed it down to 3 different months. FI will give no input in the decision. All I keep thinking about is just picking the damn day but am worried that when I do, it'll get to be months from now and I'll want to change it. I've gone so far as to consult the Farmers Almanac and looking up Chinese auspicious wedding dates (and neither of us are East Asian at all). 

    I'm leaning towards March 2015 and want a Saturday, so that leaves the 7th, 14th, 21st, and 28th. My birthday is the 21st. I thought that would be fun until I wanted to see what others thought and Googled it. Found a post where someone else was seeking an opinion on getting married on their birthday. A commenter replied that in the unfortunate event that you get divorced it would make you hate your birthday, so that's out. The 7th is MOH's birthday and I'm worried it would be like stealing her day. But I'm planning a morning wedding and brunch reception, so she'd still have the evening and night to party. She's really chill, so I don't think she'd care much anyway. I just keep looking and looking for something out there to make me decide on the date and haven't hit it. So that's why I'm so stressed out is because I can't pick a date and my muscles are in knots.


    *STUCK*

    First of all, take a step back from the planning, it shouldn't be causing you this much distress.  Second, are you actually planning on splitting your guests up and inviting some to the reception only? Because that's uber rude to do. 

    1.Finalize your guest list 
    2. Finalize your budget
    3. Choose a wedding venue that holds enough seats for everyone on said guest list for the ceremony and the reception. 
    4. I don't see why you can't have a wedding on your birthday, personally, I am planning on being with my FI for the rest of our lives, that's why we are getting married, so what does it matter? However, if you don't want your birthday and anniversary to share the same day every year then go with another day :)   (At least your FI would only have to remember one day!)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Calm down.  Everything will work out fine. As long as you stick to the checklist.  The knot has an amazing checklist that organizes your to-do list according to your time table.  As long as you follow the checklist by their deadline or a little after the deadline, everything will be okay.  I had to settle for a Friday date because there were no weekend dates available. And you can get services cheaper on a Friday than a Saturday. I would not worry about unlucky wedding dates.  If a couple's relationship ended in divorce, it was not because it was unlucky, it was because they had problems... which has nothing to do with a calendar.  I have been in your shoes.  You are overthinking things.  Take a step back and relax
  • Just as an aside, we are getting married on my brother's birthday. We went through the whole process, mocking up a guest list, determining budget, exploring venues. We knew what dates were available when we viewed our venue. I spoke to my brother and asked him, before we made a final decision, if it would upset him if we had the wedding on his birthday, and he couldn't have been happier. So, I'd advise you to just run it by your MOH. She may say she'd be upset, and then you have a decision to make, but she may be thrilled.
  • I got married one week after my birthday. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best date for us. It sounds like March 14 and March 28 are the best days for you. Call up your VIPs, like your parents, to double  check that the dates work for them, and then book something. 

    Also, if you continue to feel so overwhelmed by planning, consider seeing a therapist. I had to go to a few sessions during planning and it was extraordinarily helpful. Planning isn't always easy, but it doesn't need to be so hard.
  • I agree that if you are unsure about the dates-then don't do it. Simple as that. So, it sounds lke your birthday and MOH's birthday are out. I agree with Emmyg65, That leaves the 14th and the 28th open for you to check out. Consult with your people and the venues to see if the dates will work and roll with that. Get that stress off of your chest.

    Your fiance may be just as stressed about the situation as you are, thus no input. Take some time to breathe, relax and release. Everything WILL work out in the end. It always does. This is just a little bump in the road. Climb over it and move forward!!

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