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Siblings not in wedding party, MOB insists brother of bride gets a tux

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We arleady have set wedding parties at 6 a side.  brother of bride is not in wedding party.  MOB insisting bride's brother should get a tux.  It's not a black tie optional wedding.    Groom is not particularly close with bride's younger brother, bride isn't very close with groom's older sisters.  Is it mandatory to invite the other's siblings to the wedding party?  This is so awkward.   
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Re: Siblings not in wedding party, MOB insists brother of bride gets a tux

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    LaurettaLuLu said:
    We arleady have set wedding parties at 6 a side.  brother of bride is not in wedding party.  MOB insisting bride's brother should get a tux.  It's not a black tie optional wedding.    Groom is not particularly close with bride's younger brother, bride isn't very close with groom's older sisters.  Is it mandatory to invite the other's siblings to the wedding party?  This is so awkward.   
    No, it isn't mandatory to have one's FI's siblings of the opposite sex stand up with you.  They can stand up on the side of their sibling, and there is no requirement that they be asked at all or that wedding parties have the same number of persons on each side.

    But if the groom and other male wedding party members aren't wearing tuxes (are they?), it wouldn't make sense for the bride's brother to wear a tux.  Ultimately I think it should be up to him and not his mother what he wears if he's an adult!  Maybe you can put any objections to her on those grounds.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    No you do not have to have siblings in the wedding.

    That said, you can not dictate what other's wear.  If he wears a tux, he wears a tux.  Maybe she just wants everyone dressed formally for the family pictures?  Who knows?  Regardless you can stop him from wearing a tux any more than you can stop a woman wearing a formal gown.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • mimiphinmimiphin member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    My thought are if he wants to wear a tux, let him wear a tux. Anytime MOB mentions it to bride she should say "I think Brother is old enough to dress himself, Have you tried the bean dip? I must get the recipe."
    There are no set rules as to who must be in a WP, Siblings do not get an automatic pass.
    My Dad would always wear a suit to family dinner EI (Christmas, Thanksgiving,
    Easter) even thought the rest of the family is in Jeans and t-shirts.

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  • KickAssMOHKickAssMOH member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    My wedding wasn't black tie either but my uncle chose to wear a tux. No one cared or noticed or assumed he was part of the WP.
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    nope definitely not mandatory.  I included my 2 SIL's but I also see them regularly and get along with them so I wanted to include them.  My husband included one of my brothers-- the one he see's on a regular basis. My other brother is older, lives in Texas (we are in CA) and is friendly with my husband but not "friends or close."  He was more than OK not being a groomsman.  He still wore a nice suit to the wedding and opted to wear a purple shirt/tie (wedding colors).  His son was our ring bearer.  He fit into family pics because he was my brother!  He did not need to match to be included. 

    Just remember sides do not have to even, and you can always include him on your side you want. Groom can include his sisters on his side if he would like.  Your wedding parties are up to you and your FI alone.   
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Between this and your other post, your mom needs to simmer down!  My brother's were not in the WP and they just wore suits that they already had.  I even had them escort my mom down the aisle, but no one cared.  I even told my dad he didn't need to wear a tux if he didn't want to. 

    I think the best approach is to ask your brother what he wants to wear.  Tell him that your mom wants him to wear a tux.  So that way he is atleast ready to give your mom an answer if she goes to him.  Tell him you don't care if he's in a tux or not.  And I agree with a PP, if MOB wants the tux so bad - she can pay for it!

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would let him, just have him get a different color vest/tie then what the bridal party is wearing. Then he won't look like he's in the bridal party, people might think he is an usher, but it will look nice in any family photos. If they are willing to fork out the money, I say let them.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    photokitty said:
    You are under no obligation to have anyone, family or otherwise, in your WP.

    Anyone is allowed to wear a tux to a wedding. You can always wear black tie if you choose as guests are allowed to dress however they please. If MOB is willing to rent the brother a tux that's up to her.

    ETA - black tie optional is not a thing. Black tie is a thing…every wedding that is not Black Tie or White Tie is always black tie optional. It should never be said tho.
    So much the bolded!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Pretty much agreeing with other posters here.

    1) The brother of the groom can wear whatever he wants to wear as long as he wouldn't be kicked out of the venue by staff (e.g. wearing jeans to a country club, or showing up naked to a country club or anywhere else). He can wear a tux if he'd like. He can wear a tux even if no one else is wearing a tux. He can wear a tux even if the groomsmen are wearing tuxes and he's not a groomsman.

    2) No one is obligated to include anyone else in their wedding party. In this case, the groom is not obligated to include the bride's brother. The bride is not obligated to include the groom's sisters.

    3) Sides do not have to be even, and limiting the size of the wedding parties isn't a bad thing, but it is kind of silly to set a limit before you've thought about who you want to include. If the bride decides to have her brother join the wedding party on her side, then saying, "But we agreed to limit sides to 6 people!" is a silly reason.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    Wow - thank you.  I didn't expect to but both of us have come full circle on this.  This is almost as cool as the time you stopped us from doing a B-list.  It's a wedding, people can wear what they want.  The nice part about etiquette is you feel really at peace when you're doing the right thing. Also very helpful to learn about the black tie thing.  MUCH APPRECIATED!
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