Help! We avoided B-list w circles. MOB wants to invite 17yr 2nd cousin

[Deleted User] · January 2014

So we limited our guest list to aunts, uncles, and 1st cousins and no kids. 1 cousin has a 17 yr daughter MOB insists we include. No big deal, but she has 2 younger siblings (9 and 3). To make MOB happy, we should invite 17yr old. We tried to explain "circles" of invites, but MOB was having none of it. She said she's fine excluding the 2 younger siblings, but this seems rude to me. If we do include all siblings, it will set off a sh!t storm of epic proportions. From last family wedding, 2nd cousin invites was the major scandal. some were invited, some weren't (on MOB's side of family). We excluded kids because our guest list would go from 170 to 250 pretty instantly. Venue holds 190.

So a) stand our ground with MOB b) cave, invite cousin, no siblings c) cave, cousin, siblings?

Jen4948 · January 2014

I think you should stand your ground with your MOB if you're inviting in circles.

ashleyep · January 2014

17 is close enough to an adult that I don't think it's that big of a deal to invite her without the two younger siblings. But are there other teenagers in that circle you're not inviting?

At the end of the day, stand your ground and do what you want to do.

photokitty · January 2014

Stand your ground. Especially if this has been an issue in the past with family weddings. Inviting her only opens yourself up to a ton of drama with you whole family. Telling your mom no only causes a lil drama with one person.

GL!

erinlin25 · January 2014

who is paying for the wedding? No Pay = No Say!

i agree though that it would be rude to invite the 17 yo and not the younger siblings. So I would say make it all on none to be fair. Are there any other families with that possibility-- An older sibling and younger siblings? If she is the only one you would be making the exception for I
m sure you can get away with it, but it may open a can of worms so just be prepared.

lyndausvi · January 2014

stand your ground

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Stand your ground, especially if you and your FI are paying for your wedding.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

If you invite the 17 year old you should also include the younger siblings. Splitting up underage (meaning, non-adult, aka 17 or younger) siblings is rude. I would stick to your guns and not include the 17 year old, because like you said, it could open up a shit storm.

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

If this were the only first cousin with children, I would say you may be able to get away with it since the girl is 17. But you should stand your ground and remember that you are inviting in circles and leaving the 17 year old off will prevent any other family issues (hopefully!).

sofakingmad · January 2014

Those are technically your First Cousins Once Removed.

ETA: And I realize this doesn't help with your question, but I just figured you should know that these are not, in fact, your second cousins you are referring to.

LDay2014 · January 2014

Think of yourself as that 9 yr old...seems rather unfair that my big sister gets to go to a fancy night out and I have to stay home! I'd be one ticked off kid!

Stand your ground.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Absolutely stand your ground. If you give in on this, you (a) set off a shit storm and (b) set a precedent with your FMIL that you can be brow-beaten into doing what she wants.

sofakingmad · January 2014

LDay2014 said:

Think of yourself as that 9 yr old...seems rather unfair that my big sister gets to go to a fancy night out and I have to stay home! I'd be one ticked off kid!

Stand your ground.

LOL. I mean, i can understand not wanting to piss the parents off, but this is stretching it a wee bit.

phira · January 2014

Here's my take on this situation:

If this is the only child who is about 17 years old (e.g. all other children are young enough that none of them are in high school yet), and this child typically spends time with adults at family gatherings, and the child's parents understood that the other children would not be invited ...

... then I MIGHT consider caving. But probably not--some people would still probably be irritated and upset about it and just not say anything to you because they don't want to upset you.

Otherwise, tell her NOPE. No exception. And judging by how unlikely it is that this is the ONLY high school aged child in your family, and how unlikely it is that this kid would want to go to a wedding where they were the only person their age, I think my basic advice is DO NOT YIELD.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Those are technically your First Cousins Once Removed.

ETA: And I realize this doesn't help with your question, but I just figured you should know that these are not, in fact, your second cousins you are referring to.

Yes: 1st cousins have the same grandparents, 2nd cousins have the same great grandparents. A cousin of a parent is your first cousin once removed, and a cousin of a grandparent is first cousin twice removed.

I agree with pp. Stand your ground!

LDay2014 · January 2014

laurynm84 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Those are technically your First Cousins Once Removed.

ETA: And I realize this doesn't help with your question, but I just figured you should know that these are not, in fact, your second cousins you are referring to.

Yes: 1st cousins have the same grandparents, 2nd cousins have the same great grandparents. A cousin of a parent is your first cousin once removed, and a cousin of a grandparent is first cousin twice removed.

I agree with pp. Stand your ground!

I need a flow chart...:)

[Deleted User] · January 2014

Thank you all very much!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

LDay2014 said:

laurynm84 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Those are technically your First Cousins Once Removed.

ETA: And I realize this doesn't help with your question, but I just figured you should know that these are not, in fact, your second cousins you are referring to.

Yes: 1st cousins have the same grandparents, 2nd cousins have the same great grandparents. A cousin of a parent is your first cousin once removed, and a cousin of a grandparent is first cousin twice removed.

I agree with pp. Stand your ground!

I need a flow chart...:)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin

[Deleted User] · January 2014

my head just exploded.

pabride56 · October 2014

Nah....the 17 year old has to stay home to babysit the 9 and 3 year old. (If the 17 year old is allowed to attend, I'm sure you'll hear some complaining about having to bring the younger ones).

Using the legal alcohol age is a great reason to invite 18 or 19 and up, whatever. My daughter's venue (Delaware) charged the full adult rate for any guests 13 and up. No discount for the 5 hours of open bar. (I'm sure they had issues with the behavior and underage drinking, of guests, in the past). The FOB (we paid 100% of costs) decided that the wedding would be 21 and up pretty quickly. Although there was some whining, no one stepped up and volunteered to pay for the 8 first cousins who were underage), so they weren't invited.

blabla89 · October 2014

@slothiegal

slothiegal · October 2014

Closing zombie thread.

Help! We avoided B-list w circles. MOB wants to invite 17yr 2nd cousin

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