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Wedding Woes

FI super distant family problems

M and I have run into a few problems with our guest lists (as most people do) and we seem to have worked them out. BUT just before we sent out our Save the Dates, a few of his father's cousins decided that they needed to be invited to the wedding.  M doesn't even know who they are.  Inviting them meant that he was going to have to take some people off his list that he sees/talks to on a regular basis or close family.  M politely told his father that they were not invited because we don't have room at the venue we already booked.  These cousins have made it very clear that they are coming with OR WITHOUT invitations because they haven't seen some of their family in 25+ years, boasting, "This will be a great family reunion!"  M is pissed, my family is pissed because they can't afford it and are offended/think it's rude, and I'm really pissed because it is hurting M more than anyone else. He doesn't want to disappoint his dad but he doesn't want to remove people he actually knows either. His mom and dad went through an incredibly bitter divorce, if they show up it may turn into a HUGE disaster and upset his mom....

Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions on how to handle the situation? What should I do if they show up?!

Re: FI super distant family problems

  • I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this but take a moment to breath before freaking out.

    From what you said in your post, I'm getting your parents are the ones paying for the wedding? If they are, they have a say in this matter. I am with your FI on this. I have many "cousins", "aunts" and "uncles" I have never met in my life and many of my father's side of the family tried to convince me to invite anyone and everyone. They said the same thing about a family reunion. Hell no. IMO weddings are not frickin family reunions, especially NO to the family who wants the reunion but are not the ones paying for it!

    You and your FI, especially FI need to stand up to his family and tell them that the guest list is CLOSED. No ifs, ands or buts about it, final guest list is done and over with. If they continue to bring it up either change the topic (bean dip) or just keep declining them.

    As for the guests who show up unannounced let FI's family know that they will be removed from the premises. That's the only thing I can think of you can do. If you know who you invited and didn't invite, it will be easy to let the coordinator know who to kick out. This may sound very harsh but family or not, I would not tolerate wedding crashers. Plus if you're going over the venue capacity and it's against fire code, the venue might end up telling the wrong people to leave.

    If you have pics of them or names, give them to the coordinator! Be proactive. Better safe than sorry.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Don't invite and if they show up, they won't have a seat or if you have a coordinator or security (depends on your venue too)....they may just turn them away for you. I don't have any experience on this but if someone uninvited shows up to my wedding, my venue (a hotel probably) will be informed and they will escort them out I suppose. Hope more will have an input on this.
  • His father should call them and tell them they are NOT invited, will not have seats or meals, and might be escorted out by security if they show up.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Bouncers. You need security. Embarrass them for their stupidity and assholery.

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