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Wedding Etiquette Forum
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All this bad etiquette is getting to me.

LadyLawliet95LadyLawliet95 member
Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all! I'm normally a lurker on these boards, only commented a few times, but I really do need to vent about all this bad etiquette I keep seeing.

First off, a cousin of mine (whom neither I, nor my mother or brother are close to) recently posted on my dad's Facebook wall asking what our address is so she can send save the dates. That's whatever, I don't care. The problem is, she already had a wedding! She and her husband had to rush their wedding because a family member was terminally ill. Totally fine, I get that. Just don't try to have another wedding! You can't do that. And this girl is a super princess, always gets what she wants, when she wants it. No one else in my family understands why this is just a PPD. They just keep saying "this is her real wedding." No, it's not! She had it a long time ago! She even posted wedding photos on facebook! Forgive me, I don't want to travel up there for this PPD when we weren't even invited to the first one. And that wasn't even that short of notice. End that rant. 

Second rant: a friend of mine is getting married this spring. She just posted on Facebook "If you want an invite to the wedding, PM me or fiance with your address!" Um, no? If you want me at your wedding, you will ask me for my address. I'm not going to invite myself to your wedding, that's rude. That just opens the door for too many people sending you addresses, and you can't accommodate them all, or you get an address and a PM from someone you really just didn't want to invite, and now you've made it too awkward to say "sorry, we don't want you there!" This post just seems lazy IMO.

Okay, thank you ladies for bearing with this rant! 
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Re: All this bad etiquette is getting to me.

  • hikebikebemerryhikebikebemerry member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I hear ya, sometimes I wish that I didn't know about certain etiquette rules.

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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    The second woman you describe will probably send "sorry you're not invited" cards to those that PM her that she doesn't like. Wouldn't put it past her. I just don't understand what some people's thought processes are. ugh.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Social media takes people faux pas and amplifies them to an audience they aren't intended for. I had a friend post on my wall "I just got your save the day! So excited for you" I cringed. I knew that was going to be seen by people who did not receive a STD and was telling them they weren't as important as she was. Of course, she didn't mean it that way... she should have just sent it to me in a PM opposed to posting it on my wall. This goes to the gal throwing the PPT day too. If you want personal information, ask in a personal setting. Not in a public space where people who aren't invited may see. 

    As for your second example. My God. That sounds like an absolute disaster. She'll have to figure out how to tell those people they aren't invited herself, and given how she asked for addresses, I wouldn't be surprised if she just posts something on her wall for everyone to see. Awkward. 
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  • tcnobletcnoble member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    The "friend with bad etiquette" bug seems to be going around. One of my friends is pushing my limits in bad etiquette tolerance as well... 2.5 hour unhosted gap, A/B list, planning her own bachelorette party, inviting over her venues capacity... Makes my head hurt!
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @SBmini - you can set your FB settings so that you approve everything that is posted on your wall. If you are really concerned about any future posts like your friend's you might want to set it up that way.


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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    bethsmiles said:
    @SBmini - you can set your FB settings so that you approve everything that is posted on your wall. If you are really concerned about any future posts like your friend's you might want to set it up that way.
    Thanks, I'm aware. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    An acquaintance who is getting married a couple weeks before I am, already sent her invitations. 4.5 months before the wedding!  I only know this because of facebook. Good luck getting an accurate head count.
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    @laurynm84

    Not that I'm agreeing with since I don't know for sure, but it's possible she had guests live in another country that had to get visas. 

    I had to send my invitations out 4 months in advance because of that. In order for some members to get a Visa they needed to show proof of a wedding. I couldn't just send it to out of country guests and not the other guests without it looking like I was b-listing people so I had send everyone's invitation early. Did it suck? Of course, it did. But at the time it seemed like the best option. 

    It is possible your friend had to do something like that.
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  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @TeriHugg we are inviting guests from overseas as well - but we let them know the date as soon as we booked our venues and sent a "letter of invitation" to them ASAP.  Their formal invites went in the mail with everyone else's 8 weeks out.  

    Then again, our overseas guests don't know anyone besides my immediate family so there wouldn't be the issue of appearing to B-List.  

    Visas make everything complicated - but invites going out that early would make it difficult to get accurate RSVPs.
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    @vt&dt

    Visas really did make everything complicated. We actually tried the whole letter of invitation thing and it wasn't working. And some of our guests did know people not in in the family. That's why we had to send the invitations early. And it sure as hell made RSVP's more difficult for me. 

    But at the time it seemed like the only way I could do it. 
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  • CaliMel11CaliMel11 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wait, planning your own bachelorette is bad?
    I feel like a jerk now. My bridesmaids actually asked me what I was planning for it...and my MOH is out of state....
    Like I actually have had all of them ask me what I was planning for it and what day it would be on.
    so I guess we all have bad etiquette for that one. :(

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  • tcnobletcnoble member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Can I ask why sending out invites earlier can make for difficulties with rsvps/head count?? The majority of our guests are OOT so we wanted to send them early enough, but now I'm wondering what is "too" early....?
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    6-8 weeks is usually good for invitations. If you send them too early, people might lose them or forget they should respond altogether (well, in greater numbers than usual).
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  • LadyLawliet95LadyLawliet95 member
    Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Comment
    Generally if you send out your invites too early then guests will not know their work schedules or so.ething of that nature. You may get a lot of "no's" simply because people don't know if they can make it. Or you will get a lot of "yes' s" and then they won't show because they got their work schedule or something like that.
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