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Please help! Small wedding and large reception questions

louwagie08louwagie08 member
Second Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
My fiance and I are both reserved and don't like being the center of attention. We are leaning towards inviting only family to our ceremony (which is still 100 people), and have a larger reception where everyone would be invited to social hour, sit down supper, and the dance (they would have separate invites). If you were invited to everything but the ceremony, knowing the reason is because it was family only.. would you be offended? Also, do we put on both invites where we are going to be registered? -- Also, suggestions on wording would be great!
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Re: Please help! Small wedding and large reception questions

  • mrsbananymrsbanany member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    If it is family only for the ceremony, I would not be offended (if I was not family). However, once a cousin of mine had a wedding which I was not invited to but I was invited to the reception - because she decided to have it at my beach house and we live there during the summer so she did not really have a choice.  She invited my grandparents to the ceremony but not my parents nor my brother and I. I was beyond offended, it was like we are not good enough to witness a profession of your love but we are good enough to provide you with a pretty backdrop for your reception? Obviously, you are not exploiting someones home so it is different. Personally, I like the ceremony more than the reception because that is what the wedding is all about and I love, love. But if you want family only, I would understand and not be offended.

    Do not put on your invites where you are registered.  Nothing about gifts should be on the invitation.  I have seen plenty of shower invitations with where the couple was registered printed on them but I am not sure where that stands etiquette wise.  If there is no shower, or if you do not print the information on the shower invitation, that info should travel via word of mouth. 
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  • ffemt14ffemt14 member
    10 Comments
    Me and my FI are sort of doing the same thing, we invited 92 people to the ceremony and an additional 120 people to the reception. Those people who are invited to the ceremony will also be joining us for dinner, then later on the same day the other guests will arrive. 

    We sent out very plan and simple invitations to everyone, but those 92 people who were invited to ceremony and dinner got an addition 3x5 card with a request of their presence at the ceremony. 

    Our parents sorta spread the word too, that we wanted our ceremony to be family and close friends only. That seems to have halted anyone from complaining about only being invited to our reception. We aren't doing the traditional reception either which I believe also helped. Our reception is more or less a huge party, which is what we wanted. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ffemt14 said:
    Me and my FI are sort of doing the same thing, we invited 92 people to the ceremony and an additional 120 people to the reception. Those people who are invited to the ceremony will also be joining us for dinner, then later on the same day the other guests will arrive. 

    We sent out very plan and simple invitations to everyone, but those 92 people who were invited to ceremony and dinner got an addition 3x5 card with a request of their presence at the ceremony. 

    Our parents sorta spread the word too, that we wanted our ceremony to be family and close friends only. That seems to have halted anyone from complaining about only being invited to our reception. We aren't doing the traditional reception either which I believe also helped. Our reception is more or less a huge party, which is what we wanted. 
    This is tiered hospitality and it's incredibly rude.  You either invite everyone to the reception or not at all-traditional or not.
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  • ffemt14ffemt14 member
    10 Comments
    Jen4948, if you read my post correctly you'd see that we invited 92 people to the ceremony and AN ADDITIONAL 120 to the reception. 
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  • CaliMel11CaliMel11 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    ffemt14 said:
    Jen4948, if you read my post correctly you'd see that we invited 92 people to the ceremony and AN ADDITIONAL 120 to the reception. 
    This is still considered rude. Unless its immediate family (which is parents and siblings) only, you don't invite people to just the reception, since the point of a wedding is to see people get married. Excluding people is not polite. you either have the same group all at both, or not.

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  • BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Tiered wedding are rude.  You invite everyone to both the ceremony and reception, unless you are having a truly private ceremony, which would consist of immediate family only (parents and siblings). 

    OP, it is also rude to include any registry information in the invite.  Word of mouth is the preferred method of distributing registry info, and only if someone specifically asks where you are registered.  In modern times, it is okay to include it on a wedding website, but I even find that a little unnecessary and tacky.  
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  • BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    ffemt14 said:
    Me and my FI are sort of doing the same thing, we invited 92 people to the ceremony and an additional 120 people to the reception. Those people who are invited to the ceremony will also be joining us for dinner, then later on the same day the other guests will arrive. 

    We sent out very plan and simple invitations to everyone, but those 92 people who were invited to ceremony and dinner got an addition 3x5 card with a request of their presence at the ceremony. 

    Our parents sorta spread the word too, that we wanted our ceremony to be family and close friends only. That seems to have halted anyone from complaining about only being invited to our reception. We aren't doing the traditional reception either which I believe also helped. Our reception is more or less a huge party, which is what we wanted. 
    1. People have a way of not pointing out other people's rudeness.  This is called manners.  They won't, and shouldn't complain, but they will be offended.

    2. All receptions are parties.  Omitting typical wedding traditions does not make less of a reception.  Any party that comes immediately after a ceremony is called a reception because receptions are to thank you guests for attending your ceremony… which you aren't doing… so that doesn't make sense, does it?  

    3. Having a party later to celebrate your marriage, is perfectly acceptable.  But hosting both events on one day is a slap in the face to those guests not invited to the ceremony.  

    Since you've already sent out your invites, there's no way to rectify this lack of etiquette though.  
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't get the whole "we don't like being the center of attention so we are going to have a small ceremony but a large reception" thinking.  What do you think is going to happen at the reception? No one will pay attention to you or want to talk to you?  It will actually be the opposite.  Everyone will want to see you and talk to you and look at your ring and dress and take pictures.  So you will still be the center of attention.

    And I am sorry but 100 person ceremony does not make a small, immediate family only ceremony.  If you truly want a small, private ceremony then you only invite immediate family meaning parents, siblings and their SO's and possibly grandparents.  That is it.  When you start inviting more then you get into a tiered wedding which is incredibly rude.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2014

    ffemt14 said:
    Me and my FI are sort of doing the same thing, we invited 92 people to the ceremony and an additional 120 people to the reception. Those people who are invited to the ceremony will also be joining us for dinner, then later on the same day the other guests will arrive. 

    We sent out very plan and simple invitations to everyone, but those 92 people who were invited to ceremony and dinner got an addition 3x5 card with a request of their presence at the ceremony. 

    Our parents sorta spread the word too, that we wanted our ceremony to be family and close friends only. That seems to have halted anyone from complaining about only being invited to our reception. We aren't doing the traditional reception either which I believe also helped. Our reception is more or less a huge party, which is what we wanted. 
    So 92 people are going to the ceremony and dinner.  Then an additional 120 people are coming to the party?

    Wow.   I guess I'm a snob because that would not fly in my social group.  The small ceremony, then lager reception would be fine (as long as the small ceremony is just siblings+SOs, parents, grandparents and maybe a friend each).  But a full blown wedding and reception THEN inviting people to a party later on would not be received well at all.  

     Can you imagine 2 guests talking at the later reception? Wasn't the dinner amazing?   Ahh, I wouldn't know because we weren't invited.   Awkward.

    Nothing says friendship like being invited to 1/3 of the day's events. Especially when nearly half the guests get invite to 3 out of 3 events.

    ETA - I should add I'm not sure why the people invite to the first 2 events want to attend a 3rd one.  That seems like a long day.    Much rather have the dinner and party together.    ::shrugs::






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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