Bridesmaid dresses/ would getting own dresses be a hot mess?

themuffinman16 · January 2014

I kind of like the idea of my brides going out and getting a non bridesmaid dress in the color navy. I have a hard time with my girls buying something for my day and never wearing it again. And then, one dress will never be to everyone's liking. I have plus size bridesmaids and two pregnant brides, so to get one dress that will look good on all of them, will be tricky. I just don't want them going rogue. I would like them to get a nice dress (spend between $100-$150). And I would like them to get in a nice material and lightweight (chiffon, or brushed cotton etc... as the wedding is in July.) I do not want them wearing cheap cotton sundresses. Will this look like a hot mess? I want my photos to look nice, but I don't want to be demanding. And if they were to get a nicer bridesmaid dress, those cost at least $200 (not really crazy abut David's Bridal). Would you let them get a dress on their own, or is that why they have bridesmaid dresses? Again, I am not criticizing any bride that likes all of the things I dislike. It is just my personal problem with weddings. I feel it turns your bridesmaids into cardboard cutouts when they all have their own shapes and styles.

artbyallie · January 2014

It sounds like you want too much control over the dresses to be able to say, 'just get navy.' First, as @missax says, ask each one privately and individually for her budget. If they are willing to spend $150-200, you can then pick a designer, color, and even fabric if you so desire. My last bridesmaid dress had those components, though admittedly the bride failed to ask about budget and I was none too happy about getting a $160 dress. However, I love it and will absolutely wear it again.

Her specifications were at a local formalwear store, not a DB, and were as follows: Alexia line, knee-length, Navy, shantung. http://www.alexiadesigns.com/Bridesmaids/Alexia-Designs/color/37/

All of us ended up with different dresses and we all felt beautiful.

On the flipside, my bridesmaids all wore shades of blue in knee-length dresses from anywhere they pleased. My MOH wore a print. Two girls chose (actually the same) dresses from DB, and the others got theirs at different places. Somehow they actually all 5 wound up with matching ruched waistbands on otherwise different dresses. They were different fabrics, from chiffon to cotton sateen to silky jersey-like material. And IMO, it was not a hot mess in the slightest. I loved it.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

To try to make sure they coordinate, find a store that has a selection of dresses you like (fabric & color) in the price range that works for your girls & then just tell them, please pick out a Navy Blue dress from the Smith collection at Macy's (I made up name of collection).

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

You don't get to tell the how much they should spend, regardless of whether you are selecting the particular dress or they are.

Having them choose their own dresses in a particular color and type of fabric is a popular idea. Navy can mean different things to different people, so pick up some paint chips from a local hardware store to give them an idea of the color you are looking for. You can also give them fabric guidelines and even decide on length if you want.

mc123mc · January 2014

I have a similar situation, want my girls to pick out navy dresses they like and may wear again. I feel bad because my MOH is pregnant now and will be giving birth 1 month before the wedding so she won't know what she is going to look like then!

I am cutting it pretty close but I asked them to go shopping together a few weeks before the wedding and buy a dress they like in Navy. It does not need to be the same dress but they should look good together. I only have 2 women in my party, so I don't think it will be too hard to do that. Heck they can go the weekend before for all I care, as long as they show up in Navy!

Jessa617 · January 2014

I had my girls wear black. I told them the color and the length (black & knee length). They showed up in all different materials, all different price ranges and let me tell you...they all looked fabulous!!

ei34 · January 2014

I asked my two sisters (co-MOHs) and close friend (BM) to wear any dress they liked in any shade of purple. I couldn't imagine making three of the people I'm closest with (not to mention three grown, independent women) wear the same dress. By letting them choose they were each able to find something for their own body type and budget. I was happy that they were each comfortable with their choice, they all looked beautiful.

I did not specify shade of purple, or length, or material, or anything other than color. If I was a bridesmaid and the bride started with lots of details (and a price point, as you'd mentioned), I'd probably ask you for some guidance. A bride kind of either has to say "wear navy" or "this is the dress". Giving bridesmaids autonomy but then having several specifications is confusing.

KatWAG · January 2014

I just read your thread on wedding woes. And I wouldnt pick out anything else for your wedding until you are certain that there will be a wedding. You dont want your BMs to buy dress and then the wedding is called off and you have pay them all back.

themuffinman16 · January 2014

I have talked with FI and we have worked out any issues we have had. It was just a lot of stress and money issues, that made everything so overwhelming. We talked it out, and we are going to tighten our belts a little so we don't overextend ourselves. Going shopping with my twin sis this weekend to look at dresses.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

I think you're doing the right thing.$100 -150 is a good range, especially where I am from. Depending on the formality and theme of the wedding, BM dresses will vary. I really don't understand the hostility many have towards others on this website. You are being very reasonable. The bottom line is that this is YOUR wedding. You can be amenable but that doesn't mean you should let them walk all over you. I don't know for sure but I get the feeling that you aren't rich either. Many people forget that when they criticize brides.

Viczaesar · January 2014

niabiaxxmoi said:

I think you're doing the right thing.$100 -150 is a good range, especially where I am from. Depending on the formality and theme of the wedding, BM dresses will vary. I really don't understand the hostility many have towards others on this website. You are being very reasonable. The bottom line is that this is YOUR wedding. You can be amenable but that doesn't mean you should let them walk all over you. I don't know for sure but I get the feeling that you aren't rich either. Many people forget that when they criticize brides.

$100-$150 is only a good range if each of the bridesmaids can afford that. Step one is to ask each bridesmaid what their budget is.

What on earth does being rich or not being rich have to do with anything?

AddieCake · January 2014

niabiaxxmoi said:

I think you're doing the right thing.$100 -150 is a good range, especially where I am from. Depending on the formality and theme of the wedding, BM dresses will vary. I really don't understand the hostility many have towards others on this website. You are being very reasonable. The bottom line is that this is YOUR wedding. You can be amenable but that doesn't mean you should let them walk all over you. I don't know for sure but I get the feeling that you aren't rich either. Many people forget that when they criticize brides.

This makes no sense. Where does it say her bridesmaids are walking all over her? She hasn't even given them info regarding the dress for them to refute and walk all over her if they even wanted to b/c she is still deciding what she wants to do about dresses.

And the bride does not dictate what is a good range for the dress price. The bridesmaids themselves decide how much they are willing to spend on a dress. You can find perfectly nice dresses in all different price ranges. My girls got their dresses at Macy's for $60. We also saw the EXACT same dress in other colors at Ross for $20. So if they are given a color and fabric guideline, and they find an appropriate dress for less, there's not a thing wrong with that.

LimaD_23382142 · January 2014

Being a bridesmaid in your wedding is supposed to be an honor, so don't make it a burden by requiring a price range that may be out of someone's budget.
If I were you, I'd find a bridal store and pick out the fabric you want them to get a dress in as well as length of dress and tell them they can choose from those criteria. I know you said you don't like David's Bridal, but as an example, this is what we did: the bridal party was told to pick something from DB in Satin or Cotton Sateen that was knee length and the color pewter. They each got to pick the dress within that criteria that appealed most to them. The prices varied, but since they were from the same store and same fabric it was still a very cohesive look. GL!

themuffinman16 · January 2014

I think it's ridiculous that bridesmaids dresses are so expensive. They are usually crappy quality and they charge an arm and a leg for them. I think $150 is ridiculous to throw that money away. But that is the cheapest bridesmaids dress I could find that would look good on everyone, at David's bridal. I, originally, wanted my bridesmaids to wear short dresses, because I see them wearing those, again. Some of my bridesmaids refused to wear shorter dresses, by short I mean knee length (body issues). The shorter dresses actually have better quality at other bridal shops for the same price. And I didn't want my BMs wearing a more formal look than my MOH, so I went with the long dresses for all my girls. But, because they want long dresses, it will be so hard for them to find in navy in a lightweight fabric for summer, so David's bridal it is

. If they wanted short dress it would have been easier to find everyone a dress that they would wear again. They have shopped at David's before, and that was the price they spent, last year. I just wanted to do something nice for them. (I know I wouldn't be buying them the dress), but I thought it would be so much nicer to have something they will keep.

LimaD_23382142 · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

I think it's ridiculous that bridesmaids dresses are so expensive. They are usually crappy quality and they charge an arm and a leg for them. I think $150 is ridiculous to throw that money away. But that is the cheapest bridesmaids dress I could find that would look good on everyone, at David's bridal. I, originally, wanted my bridesmaids to wear short dresses, because I see them wearing those, again. Some of my bridesmaids refused to wear shorter dresses, by short I mean knee length (body issues). The shorter dresses actually have better quality at other bridal shops for the same price. And I didn't want my BMs wearing a more formal look than my MOH, so I went with the long dresses for all my girls. But, because they want long dresses, it will be so hard for them to find in navy in a lightweight fabric for summer, so David's bridal it is . If they wanted short dress it would have been easier to find everyone a dress that they would wear again. They have shopped at David's before, and that was the price they spent, last year. I just wanted to do something nice for them. (I know I wouldn't be buying them the dress), but I thought it would be so much nicer to have something they will keep.

I think it's nice that you thought about them and wanted them to have a dress they could wear again. They're the ones who decided they'd rather go with a long dress. You did what you could do to help. I'm sure everything will turn out, they will look and feel lovely, and your day will be beautiful

logana1 · January 2014

I've been to weddings where brides have done this before. One looked great another not so much because of different dye lots that can happen in fabric (not the fault of the people picking the dresses). In general colors are uniform, but if one fabric bolt is treated differently than another, it can be slightly off. Something only serious fashion/crafty people will notice really. Maybe something a photographer can fix?

I would suggest picking a particular store and color. Target.com has bridesmaids dresses now and you can say "I like this color and this type of fabric" because silk will look different than cotton. Then you will get a uniform look, but the best dress for their shapes.

erinlin25 · January 2014

I like when they get to pick their own dress. I had that plan but the girls wanted to shop together and ended up liking 2 different dresses so 2 girls wore one style and the other 3 wore another style. I suggest getting a color swatch and giving it to them though so the color matches. And dictate "chiffon" versus cotton or satin or it may look weird with one fabric to the next. Otherwise one "navy" can vary from the next. I picked plum from David's Bridal and gave the girls the swatch. They ended up liking dresses at Davids so picked those.

and you do not get to dictate the cost--they actually get to give you a budget and you need to honor that. I have found many nice dresses for under $50. Who cares if they buy a "cheaper" dress as long as it matches your color and fabric requirement.

Alexandrathgr8 · January 2014

I think you will need to be really specific and i mean REALLY specific. like choice of store, colour, fabric, maybe style.. i have seen some pictures of dresses in all different colours and styles and they do look a hot mess.

Viczaesar · January 2014

Alexandrathgr8 said:

I think you will need to be really specific and i mean REALLY specific. like choice of store, colour, fabric, maybe style.. i have seen some pictures of dresses in all different colours and styles and they do look a hot mess.

I completely disagree with you. I have seen this tons of times and I can't think of one instance where it looked bad.

Bridesmaid dresses/ would getting own dresses be a hot mess?

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