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Wedding Party

Gifts for my ladies - is this okay?

antotoantoto member
500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
edited January 2014 in Wedding Party
I love all of my bridesmaids so much and want to do well by them for their gifts!  When I stood by and looked at what I have so far for their gifts I realized it may be inappropriate.  I DO NOT want to hurt or offend any of them, so please give me your opinion - what would you do if you were a bridesmaid and the bride gave you this:

I am paying for their makeup to be done at the hotel, as well as giving them their shoes and their jewelry (necklace and bracelet).  Throwing in sole mates and shoe gel inserts as well for their foot comfort!

I realize these all pertain to the wedding, but I genuinely thought the shoes and jewelry could be worn again - really pretty black heels, very simple, nice necklace and bracelet.

Should I throw in something totally non wedding related, or is this okay?  How would you feel if this were your present?

EDIT:  Looks like a lot of you would be upset if this happened to you so I am thinking of buying them a different gift... What is a gift you think is really great or maybe a favorite BM gift that YOU'VE gotten?

I'm thinking I will have a "Welcome Bag"  That contains all the wedding stuff, and then an actual present that I give them separately.  

EDIT2:  Got them a separate gift.  Thank you to everyone who was helpful :)
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Re: Gifts for my ladies - is this okay?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Anything that pertains to your wedding should not be considered a gift.

    On here we tend to tell brides to shop for their wedding party like it was Christmas or their birthday. Gifts should be individualized to the person getting it.

    doeydo
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    antoto said:
    I love all of my bridesmaids so much and want to do well by them for their gifts!  When I stood by and looked at what I have so far for their gifts I realized it may be inappropriate.  I DO NOT want to hurt or offend any of them, so please give me your opinion - what would you do if you were a bridesmaid and the bride gave you this:

    I am paying for their makeup to be done at the hotel, as well as giving them their shoes and their jewelry (necklace and bracelet).  Throwing in sole mates and shoe gel inserts as well for their foot comfort!

    I realize these all pertain to the wedding, but I genuinely thought the shoes and jewelry could be worn again - really pretty black heels, very simple, nice necklace and bracelet.

    Should I throw in something totally non wedding related, or is this okay?  How would you feel if this were your present?

    ALL of your gifts should be non wedding related.  Basically, your gift to them is their uniform for the wedding.  I would never wear again heels or the jewelry, because I don't wear either.  I actually would have fought you on making me wear heels to your wedding.  I did pay for my BMs to have their hair done, but it was not related to their gift at all.  I also did get jewelry for my BMs but I got each an individual piece that fits their style - it did not have to be worn at the wedding, though 2 did wear their jewelry.

    If you can, return the heels and jewelry.  Tell your BM to wear whatever black shoes they want and give some parameters on the jewelry.  Take that money you just got back and buy your BMs gifts like it was their birthday.  A coffee mug and gift card to starbucks for a coffee lover, etc.  These gifts will be much more appreciated in the long run.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Nope, not a fan. Just because YOU think I will be able to wear the jewelry again doesn't mean I even like it or will want to. How is that a gift for me?  And would you like to get gel inserts and sole mates and have someone tell you that was a gift? Yeah, it's great if you want to pay for them, but to consider them a gift? Ugh. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Yeah I'm definitely not returning the shoes and the jewelry, but I am certainly open to getting them a different gift that is unrelated to the wedding stuff.

    Anyone have good ideas for something else?  I feel like a mug or a gift card is sort of boring... maybe a small bottle of nice perfume?
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  • I totally understand your overall opinion - but jewelry in general is a very common BM gift.  As the bride you have to pick something and hope they will like it.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    The alternative option would be to let them pick their own jewelry and accessories. Really, no one will be paying attention to the bridesmaids' jewelry - why not let them wear something they'll definitely like?
  • I got their shoes and jewelry a while ago, unfortunately.  I think it's too late to return.  
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  • Anything that pertains to your wedding should not be considered a gift. On here we tend to tell brides to shop for their wedding party like it was Christmas or their birthday. Gifts should be individualized to the person getting it.
    Thank you!  This was helpful :)
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  • I have been in a few weddings and have only ever received jewelry to wear at the wedding, some I have worn again and some I have not. I never knew that it was rude until I came here. If it happened again in the future... I would likely still not be offended.
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    Anniversary
    logana1antotooliviaester1991mrstobe2014
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:
    Yeah I'm definitely not returning the shoes and the jewelry, but I am certainly open to getting them a different gift that is unrelated to the wedding stuff.

    Anyone have good ideas for something else?  I feel like a mug or a gift card is sort of boring... maybe a small bottle of nice perfume?
    Unless you know what scents they like and that your BM is a total perfume lover, that sounds like a very generic gift. It's generally something that you can put 0 thought into a purchase while you're out running more important errands.

    It's hard to suggest gifts because it really depends on the girls involved. Like, for me, if someone got me something cooking related (some nice flavored oil or vinegar) I'd be over-the-moon. But for my best girl friend anything cooking would be totally out of place and she would be crazy with happiness if you got her some interesting patterned fabric or yarn or any sort of craft materials (but that stuff is considered trash to me).
    doeydo
  • I have been in a few weddings and have only ever received jewelry to wear at the wedding, some I have worn again and some I have not. I never knew that it was rude until I came here. If it happened again in the future... I would likely still not be offended.
    Same for me, which is why I was initially a little confused.  I have been a BM in 4 weddings and I received a gift of jewelry/shoes/hair&makeup to be used specifically for the wedding at 3 of those.  Before I just figured it was nice because it's one less thing for the maids to have to deal with.  I honestly never gave much of a crap about the gift - it wasn't at all something that was important to me especially on the day my friend is getting married!

    That being said, I understand that some people DO get upset about this.  I am not sure what the exact written etiquette is on the topic, but I figure I'll err on the side of caution.

    I ended up going out and getting my maids different idiom bangles from Kate Spade, which are not to be used for the wedding (I got them different bracelets for the wedding).  I hope they will like them because I really enjoyed picking out a different idiom that reminded me of each of them.

      Some people on this board make me nervous because of their extremely strong negative reactions to gift ideas (ugh I would never like that!  This would be trash!).  But I think my maids are well mannered enough to understand that I tried my very best and know how to accept a gift.
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    Bubblegum5586oliviaester1991JenniferW2015
  • I've come across some meaningful things on Etsy. A lot of them can be personalized if you choose. You might want to look there to get some ideas. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • antoto said:
      Some people on this board make me nervous because of their extremely strong negative reactions to gift ideas (ugh I would never like that!  This would be trash!).  But I think my maids are well mannered enough to understand that I tried my very best and know how to accept a gift.
    But, the point is, is it really "trying your very best" if you bought a generic gift that wasn't picked out with that specific BM in mind? It sounds more like, "this was easier." Buying 4 of one thing instead of putting in effort to find something different for each girl takes less effort. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • I'm really happy with what I ended up getting for them -  I'm excited about giving it to them!  Definitely didn't do anything just because it was easy (I would have just stuck with just giving them the shoes and jewelry and makeup if that were the case and just called it good enough), but thank you for your perspective.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
    antoto said:


    Some people on this board make me nervous because of their extremely strong negative reactions to gift ideas (ugh I would never like that!  This would be trash!).  But I think my maids are well mannered enough to understand that I tried my very best and know how to accept a gift.
    The point is to know your crowd. In my example, my friend would consider a bag of pipe cleaners and tissue paper to be an awesome gift. I can get that stuff for under $10. Very few people would accept that gift in stride without inner turmoil. But that's her. And I know that about her. Kinda the same as buying other people a 10 pound bag if dried fruit is very odd, it would probably be a gift that would bring tears to my eyes. That being said, I also love all jewelry, so I'm pretty easy to shop for. But not all girls are the same.

    It's not about items being "trash" (and perhaps my wording was harsh, but it's PAPER), but simply about how much thought as to the individual was put into it.

    Accepting a gift with grace doesn't mean that it was a good or thoughtful gift.

  • Some people on this board make me nervous because of their extremely strong negative reactions to gift ideas (ugh I would never like that!  This would be trash!).  But I think my maids are well mannered enough to understand that I tried my very best and know how to accept a gift.
    The point is to know your crowd. In my example, my friend would consider a bag of pipe cleaners and tissue paper to be an awesome gift. I can get that stuff for under $10. Very few people would accept that gift in stride without inner turmoil. But that's her. And I know that about her. Kinda the same as buying other people a 10 pound bag if dried fruit is very odd, it would probably be a gift that would bring tears to my eyes. That being said, I also love all jewelry, so I'm pretty easy to shop for. But not all girls are the same. It's not about items being "trash" (and perhaps my wording was harsh, but it's PAPER), but simply about how much thought as to the individual was put into it. Accepting a gift with grace doesn't mean that it was a good or thoughtful gift.
    I absolutely understand your point.  But just because the gifts I give them are similar in nature does not mean they were NOT thoughtful.  Some people on here have this idea that unless all of the gifts are totally different the gift is selfish and unworthy.  I think it depends on the situation and the gift and people should not make sweeping generalizations.  
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    As I understood it, the issue is with buying clone gifts (the EXACT same necklace, etc). I don't see an issue with buying the same type of item, and was not under the impression that that was an issue. But I could be incorrect in how I read this topic.
  • As I understood it, the issue is with buying clone gifts (the EXACT same necklace, etc). I don't see an issue with buying the same type of item, and was not under the impression that that was an issue. But I could be incorrect in how I read this topic.
    I feel like even when it is the EXACT same gift it can still be meaningful and thoughtful.  Just because you didn't give the coffee lover a coffee mug and starbucks gift card doesn't mean the friendship bracelet you gave her is insensitive.  Every single time I have been a BM I have received"clone gifts" and never for a second felt slighted or hurt.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
    As I said, you have to know your crowd. I wouldn't be hurt either (assuming that it's something that I like). Like, I know I could get all my girl friends the same Tiffany heart necklace and they'd be really happy, but that's because I know my friends and know what they like and we've gone shopping together and I know what they want.

    A lot of the issue about questions like gifts is that WE DON'T KNOW. So we have to go off of our PERSONAL OPINIONS. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. There has certainly been more than one occasion where I've discussed a gift (not on this forum) and been met with "that's odd I wouldn't like it." But then I realized that I didn't need validation because I knew my friends better than any stranger online.
    antoto
  • As I said, you have to know your crowd. I wouldn't be hurt either (assuming that it's something that I like). Like, I know I could get all my girl friends the same Tiffany heart necklace and they'd be really happy, but that's because I know my friends and know what they like and we've gone shopping together and I know what they want. A lot of the issue about questions like gifts is that WE DON'T KNOW. So we have to go off of our PERSONAL OPINIONS. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. There has certainly been more than one occasion where I've discussed a gift (not on this forum) and been met with "that's odd I wouldn't like it." But then I realized that I didn't need validation because I knew my friends better than any stranger online.
    Yes <3
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    And as a side note, due to you posting what you're getting your BMs, I totally have to get some of those bangles.

    So now I'm angry at you for finding something so darn cute and making me go shopping. >:(
    antoto

  • And as a side note, due to you posting what you're getting your BMs, I totally have to get some of those bangles. So now I'm angry at you for finding something so darn cute and making me go shopping. >:(
    Hehehe  Kate Spade is the best!!!
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    JennyColada
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    STOP ENCOURAGING ME.

    My wedding is super tiny, so I'm not having a BP, but I think I'll get me and my mom some bangles as a little "I'm getting married!"/"Sorry for making you cry hehe." gift) and I may have to scoop some up for upcoming birthdays.
    antoto
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