Pre-wedding Party timeline

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

My MOH offered to throw me a bachelorette and shower. I know I asked her early, I haven't asked the rest of my party. My wedding is next December, but will ask them in Feb-March. She thought she would throw the bachelorette close to the wedding since we weren't going to do a huge party, but more low key mani /pedi day after she figures out what the other girls budget it. (She is going to ask them what they think and then invite people to join us, but most likely it will just be who decides to come from the bridal party and my cousins).

She wanted to know when the shower was thrown, but I have no clue. The only shower I went to was the day before the wedding which seemed odd? Could it be the weekend before? Or a few weeks before?

I'm not involved in the planning at all! She just asked for a timeline and I had no clue. She isn't planning, but she is out of town so she just wanted to know if it could be the week before the wedding. If not, I told her to not worry about it. I totally don't need a shower.

Viczaesar · January 2014

blueeyes90 said:

My MOH offered to throw me a bachelorette and shower. I know I asked her early, I haven't asked the rest of my party. My wedding is next December, but will ask them in Feb-March. She thought she would throw the bachelorette close to the wedding since we weren't going to do a huge party, but more low key mani /pedi day after she figures out what the other girls budget it. (She is going to ask them what they think and then invite people to join us, but most likely it will just be who decides to come from the bridal party and my cousins).

She wanted to know when the shower was thrown, but I have no clue. The only shower I went to was the day before the wedding which seemed odd? Could it be the weekend before? Or a few weeks before?

I'm not involved in the planning at all! She just asked for a timeline and I had no clue. She isn't planning, but she is out of town so she just wanted to know if it could be the week before the wedding. If not, I told her to not worry about it. I totally don't need a shower.

Showers are usually thrown in the last few months before the wedding. The weekend before or a few weeks before is fine if it works for you and for the other bridesmaids (if they want to attend and/or host as well).

ashleyep · January 2014

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

ashleyep said:

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

How was that going to work?! What if you couldn't make the date and time that they selected? Lawl @ surprise showers.

ashleyep · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

How was that going to work?! What if you couldn't make the date and time that they selected? Lawl @ surprise showers.

Well I still don't know when it is, just that it's in May. My sister - who doesn't agree with it - was going to tell me the night before so at least I'll know to do my hair and makeup done and wear nice clothes (rather than thinking I'm just going to my parent's to help around the house).

I think that my fiancé would know the date and help to keep my schedule clear? But he said he had no idea when it was (though he could have been lying). I usually manage our schedule, so good luck to him for trying to keep my calendar clear.

I already have a hair appointment scheduled for a Saturday in May. I can cancel the night before if it turns out to be that day, but that's annoying.

I could get my bridesmaid to tell me the date, but my mom's set on it being a surprise, so I don't want to ruin it for her.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

ashleyep said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

How was that going to work?! What if you couldn't make the date and time that they selected? Lawl @ surprise showers.

Well I still don't know when it is, just that it's in May. My sister - who doesn't agree with it - was going to tell me the night before so at least I'll know to do my hair and makeup done and wear nice clothes (rather than thinking I'm just going to my parent's to help around the house).

I think that my fiancé would know the date and help to keep my schedule clear? But he said he had no idea when it was (though he could have been lying). I usually manage our schedule, so good luck to him for trying to keep my calendar clear.

I already have a hair appointment scheduled for a Saturday in May. I can cancel the night before if it turns out to be that day, but that's annoying.

I could get my bridesmaid to tell me the date, but my mom's set on it being a surprise, so I don't want to ruin it for her.

Yeah, I think this is critical. I'd be super pissed to show up at my own shower looking like a slob, all for the sake of my mother's surprise. In fact I'd probably leave to get properly dressed and then come back.

ashleyep · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

How was that going to work?! What if you couldn't make the date and time that they selected? Lawl @ surprise showers.

Well I still don't know when it is, just that it's in May. My sister - who doesn't agree with it - was going to tell me the night before so at least I'll know to do my hair and makeup done and wear nice clothes (rather than thinking I'm just going to my parent's to help around the house).

I think that my fiancé would know the date and help to keep my schedule clear? But he said he had no idea when it was (though he could have been lying). I usually manage our schedule, so good luck to him for trying to keep my calendar clear.

I already have a hair appointment scheduled for a Saturday in May. I can cancel the night before if it turns out to be that day, but that's annoying.

I could get my bridesmaid to tell me the date, but my mom's set on it being a surprise, so I don't want to ruin it for her.

Yeah, I think this is critical. I'd be super pissed to show up at my own shower looking like a slob, all for the sake of my mother's surprise. In fact I'd probably leave to get properly dressed and then come back.

That's what I said! I was like "look, you know me. I dress like a slob unless I have a reason to do my hair and makeup and put on a dress. There are very few things you could tell me to get me somewhere dressed like that."

We'll see, I might ask a BM about the date and hope that I can act surprised or something.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

I hate surprise showers. I actually hate all surprise parties.

I was in my friends wedding and she said that she wanted a surprise bridal shower. Not really sure how it was a surprise when she requested it.

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I hate surprise showers. I actually hate all surprise parties.

I was in my friends wedding and she said that she wanted a surprise bridal shower. Not really sure how it was a surprise when she requested it.

I wouldn't like a surprise shower either. I don't dress up much, but I want to look nice for my shower.

I love throwing surprise parties for my FI and he loves them.

But mostly because if I don't surprise him, he agonizes over everything leading up to the party "Will anyone come? How am I going to entertain that many people? This is going to be so awkward!" And then when he gets there he is always fine. So my way around it = tiny party (5 people for dinner) or surprise party!

For our wedding, our guest list just keeps getting bigger. I have to remind FI that it is okay! We will survive and there will be a DJ so we only have to talk to everyone for a little bit. I'm sure the week before he will be in dead panic, poor guy. But I couldn't do a surprise wedding and he wanted to invite all of our family and friend.

ashleyep · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I hate surprise showers. I actually hate all surprise parties.

I was in my friends wedding and she said that she wanted a surprise bridal shower. Not really sure how it was a surprise when she requested it.

I keep insisting to my mom I don't want it to be a surprise. "Well we can't always get what we want."

Look, I know you're throwing me one. My sister told me when you booked the venue. Why does it have to be a surprise? What's the point? Now I just have to keep all of my weekends in May clear, which is annoying.

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

ashleyep said:

Maggie0829 said:

I hate surprise showers. I actually hate all surprise parties.

I was in my friends wedding and she said that she wanted a surprise bridal shower. Not really sure how it was a surprise when she requested it.

I keep insisting to my mom I don't want it to be a surprise. "Well we can't always get what we want."

Look, I know you're throwing me one. My sister told me when you booked the venue. Why does it have to be a surprise? What's the point? Now I just have to keep all of my weekends in May clear, which is annoying.

You do not have to keep them clear. I wouldn't.

Jen4948 · January 2014

blueeyes90 said:

ashleyep said:

Maggie0829 said:

I hate surprise showers. I actually hate all surprise parties.

I was in my friends wedding and she said that she wanted a surprise bridal shower. Not really sure how it was a surprise when she requested it.

I keep insisting to my mom I don't want it to be a surprise. "Well we can't always get what we want."

Look, I know you're throwing me one. My sister told me when you booked the venue. Why does it have to be a surprise? What's the point? Now I just have to keep all of my weekends in May clear, which is annoying.

You do not have to keep them clear. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't either. They do not get to insist on you scheduling your life around their "surprise" any more than you get to insist on controlling all of their lives because you're getting married. If it turns out you can't make it on the date and at the time they choose, they'll need to suck it up. Trying to force "surprise" parties on others is actually pretty damn inconsiderate of them.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

ashleyep said:

Maggie0829 said:

I hate surprise showers. I actually hate all surprise parties.

I was in my friends wedding and she said that she wanted a surprise bridal shower. Not really sure how it was a surprise when she requested it.

I keep insisting to my mom I don't want it to be a surprise. "Well we can't always get what we want."

Look, I know you're throwing me one. My sister told me when you booked the venue. Why does it have to be a surprise? What's the point? Now I just have to keep all of my weekends in May clear, which is annoying.

No you don't. That is the consequence of all of this lunacy. If you have shit planned, do it. Tell your mom and sister that you have an appointment at X time on such and such day (your hair appointment) and let them know you are not available then. If that was the day they planned your shower, then they need to reschedule it.

delujm0 · January 2014

I would HATE a surprise shower. Lucky for me I live a plane ride from all of my and my FI's relatives, so my mom and sister (MOH), who are hosting, realized pretty quickly that i had to be in the know if they wanted me to actually show up. :-)

Blue & White · January 2014

I had a small surprise shower and loved it. We went on vacation with my moms family and they wanted to throw a shower. Fi even knew! It was fun.

I also had a regular non surprise shower and loved it.

I would never plan a surprise shower for someone because I'm a planner and hate when things aren't a sure thing but I wouldn't be pissed if I had one (obviously)

CnJ2014 · January 2014

My bridesmaids asked me if I would be ok with a surprise shower, and I said I want to know what day it was so I could dress nice and do my hair/makeup accordingly, but I'm fine with the location/theme/details being a surprise. I thought it was very nice of them to ask for my input, on top of it bring awesome of them to want to throw me a shower in the first place.

They are throwing it two months before my wedding, which is pretty standard. But I think it's perfectly fine to have a shower just a week or two before the wedding. People who live out of town may not be able to travel for the shower if they plan to travel again for the wedding just a week later, but it should be fine for people who live nearby and for people who are willing to fly out a week or so before the wedding like it sounds like your MOH is planning to do.

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

CnJ2014 said:

My bridesmaids asked me if I would be ok with a surprise shower, and I said I want to know what day it was so I could dress nice and do my hair/makeup accordingly, but I'm fine with the location/theme/details being a surprise. I thought it was very nice of them to ask for my input, on top of it bring awesome of them to want to throw me a shower in the first place.

They are throwing it two months before my wedding, which is pretty standard. But I think it's perfectly fine to have a shower just a week or two before the wedding. People who live out of town may not be able to travel for the shower if they plan to travel again for the wedding just a week later, but it should be fine for people who live nearby and for people who are willing to fly out a week or so before the wedding like it sounds like your MOH is planning to do.

yea, the out of town people are 10+ hours away. so I don't think they would come anyways.

She is from out of town, but flying to spend the winter season with me! I'm so excited and lucky to have her as a friend. we love to spoil each other.

Viczaesar · January 2014

I hate surprise parties. Not big on surprises in general, actually.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

My bachlorette party was two weeks before my wedding my the bachlor party was a month before. I'm a huge fan of having it anywhere from 2+ weeks before the wedding. I think it also depends on what types of events are to be planned. For what you MOH thinking, doing it 2-3 weeks before the wedding would be fine. One of my friends, her hubby was the BM in a wedding that was to take place on New Year's Eve. For the Bachlor Party they wanted to go golfing, dinner & then a few bars. Well with living in Ohio, golf season pretty much ends in October, if not sooner. So they had a late summer bachlor party when they knew they would have a better chance at good weather for their golf portion.

ab6704a · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

How was that going to work?! What if you couldn't make the date and time that they selected? Lawl @ surprise showers.

Well I still don't know when it is, just that it's in May. My sister - who doesn't agree with it - was going to tell me the night before so at least I'll know to do my hair and makeup done and wear nice clothes (rather than thinking I'm just going to my parent's to help around the house).

I think that my fiancé would know the date and help to keep my schedule clear? But he said he had no idea when it was (though he could have been lying). I usually manage our schedule, so good luck to him for trying to keep my calendar clear.

I already have a hair appointment scheduled for a Saturday in May. I can cancel the night before if it turns out to be that day, but that's annoying.

I could get my bridesmaid to tell me the date, but my mom's set on it being a surprise, so I don't want to ruin it for her.

Yeah, I think this is critical. I'd be super pissed to show up at my own shower looking like a slob, all for the sake of my mother's surprise. In fact I'd probably leave to get properly dressed and then come back.

I am literally emailing back and forth with one of my friends right now about this issue because my mom is insisting that the shower my friends are going to throw with her assistance be a surprise. I begged my friend to at least warn me that morning to wash my hair since it usually gets tied up under a baseball cap on the weekends. She said she would and I'm super relieved. I do not need people taking pictures of me looking my worst.

ashleyep · January 2014

ab6704a said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

In my experience, showers are usually 2-3 months out. I got one of my bridesmaids to fess up and tell me that my shower is in May for my August wedding (my mom wants it to be a surprise).

And then bachelorette parties are usually in the last month or so before the wedding I believe. But it doesn't really matter.

How was that going to work?! What if you couldn't make the date and time that they selected? Lawl @ surprise showers.

Well I still don't know when it is, just that it's in May. My sister - who doesn't agree with it - was going to tell me the night before so at least I'll know to do my hair and makeup done and wear nice clothes (rather than thinking I'm just going to my parent's to help around the house).

I think that my fiancé would know the date and help to keep my schedule clear? But he said he had no idea when it was (though he could have been lying). I usually manage our schedule, so good luck to him for trying to keep my calendar clear.

I already have a hair appointment scheduled for a Saturday in May. I can cancel the night before if it turns out to be that day, but that's annoying.

I could get my bridesmaid to tell me the date, but my mom's set on it being a surprise, so I don't want to ruin it for her.

Yeah, I think this is critical. I'd be super pissed to show up at my own shower looking like a slob, all for the sake of my mother's surprise. In fact I'd probably leave to get properly dressed and then come back.

I am literally emailing back and forth with one of my friends right now about this issue because my mom is insisting that the shower my friends are going to throw with her assistance be a surprise. I begged my friend to at least warn me that morning to wash my hair since it usually gets tied up under a baseball cap on the weekends. She said she would and I'm super relieved. I do not need people taking pictures of me looking my worst.

I feel you, girl. I know come April or so I'll cave and get one of my bridesmaids to tell me the date. I'm a terrible liar and want to let my mom have her way on this one.

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