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Do I have to make my future sister-in-law a bridesmaid?

Futuremrsmartinez15Futuremrsmartinez15 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I have been looking for a long time for an answer that will make this decision any easier and have come up with nothing so far... My FSIL and I used to be friends(not close friends, but friends), until I started talking to her brother. That was over ten years ago, but we didn't start dating until 2 years ago. Once we started dating, and I started attending family functions, it was clear to me that we weren't friends. I have tried numerous times to go out with her, to confide in her, and to have her confide in me... Ultimately, I wanted to be friends with her. She has never treated me like a part of the family, or even as a friend. Every time we get together with the family, she demands everyone's attention the whole time and won't let anyone else get a word in edgewise. It becomes all about her no matter why we are all gathering. Her brother asked me to marry him on Christmas Day, in front of his whole family, and she didn't even congratulate us. She went into her room and cried because she doesn't have a boyfriend.... She still has yet to tell us that she is happy for us or to welcome me to the family... And don't get me wrong, I don't need her approval, but here's my issue... My FMIL is now telling me that my FSIL(24years old) has said things like, "she's not going to ask me to be in her wedding, watch. I would bet on it that she won't ask." And with the way that our relationship has been the past two years, why would I? I have asked my FBIL's wife to be my MOH because her and I have become very close, and my FBIL is going to be a groomsmen. So my FMIL tells me that it wouldn't be fair to leave my FSIL out of the wedding party. I don't know what to do because I know how hurt she would be if she was the only sibling left out, and I don't want to leave her out, but WE DON'T GET ALONG. She doesn't even like me, so why would she even want to be included? And the thought of it makes me stress because all I can see is her monopolizing everyone's attention when this day is supposed to be about me and my FH. HELP!!!
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Re: Do I have to make my future sister-in-law a bridesmaid?

  • Futuremrsmartinez15Futuremrsmartinez15 member
    First Comment
    Side note- my FBIL's wife is my matron of honor, but my best friend of 15 years is my maid of honor and can't stand my FSIL. This is the hardest decision I have had to make in a long time...
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    This woman is not your friend, so no. Do not ask her to be in your WP.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    You are under NO obligation to include anyone in your wedding party that you do not wish to include.  It is not FMIL's choice, or business, and it really isn't even your FI's choice.  You, and you alone, get to select your bridal party.  You are also under no obligation to explain to anyone why you chose or did not choose any particular person.

    Your FSIL sounds like an incredibly immature and self centered girl.  It sounds as if she still stomps her feet, whines, and cries to get her way.  At the age of 24!!  Do not let anyone guilt trip you into asking her.  If it is important to your FI, HE can ask his sister to participate on his side of attendants.

    Think of your potential future.  Do you want this toddler crying to mommy because she doesn't care for the color of dresses you selected?  Do you want her potentially ruining your pre-wedding events with her theatrics?  Now let's project even farther into the future.  Do you want to select potential godparents based on tantrums, guilt, and threats? Do you want to be forced to make decisions regarding holidays or anything else on this basis?

    You need to set the tone, and boundaries now for yourselves.  Actions have consequences.  Do you want to reward her childish actions?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The only person who has input into who your attendants are is you. Not your FSIL or FMIL. Just have your FI say, "Sorry, but the only person who gets to choose the MOH or bridesmaids is Futuremrsmartinez15. If she doesn't want To choose FSIL then I'm afraid her decision stands.". If he wants her as an attendant she can stand up with him.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Actions have consequences. Her actions (of being rude and mean and unwelcoming to you) bring about the very natural consequence of her not being involved in your half of the WP.

    DH has two younger siblings, B/G twins, who are about three years younger than he is. He asked his brother to be a GM, which was fine -- his side of the WP, his decision. I did not ask his sister to be a BM, because I barely know her and what I do know of her, I don't like. (Ex.: She got high, in the bathroom, at the family Christmas dinner).

    She pitched a hissy fit to end all hissy fits -- to her father, whom DH doesn't have a relationship with and doesn't like or listen to anyway; to her aunt; to her brother; to anyone who would listen -- except me and DH. 

    In the end, she was the only sibling NOT involved in the wedding -- my SIL (brother's wife) was a BM; my brother was an usher, a reader, and played music; DH's brother was a GM; and our nephews both were ring bearers. 

    Did she feel left out? Yes, she did. But she also didn't actually get invited to the wedding, she just pitched a hissy fit until DH agreed to tell her when/where the wedding was so she could attend.

    DH's sister is immature, self-centred, and generally worthless. What *SHE* wanted (to be in the WP and get to wear the pretty dress and whatever) was irrelevant to me and/or DH. 

    Let your FSIL's and FMIL's demands be irrelevant to you.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • pittiemama14pittiemama14 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If your not close, I wouldn't do it. My SIL was a bridesmaid at my wedding, who I only asked because MIL pitched a fit when she found out I hadn't planned on asking her, and I regret it to this day. I was not close to this girl at all, and I really don't even like her. She's kind of a spoiled brat. She still goes around telling people that I forced the dress on her (not true), she hated it (told me she loved it at her fitting), and I never asked her budget (also not true), and my wedding was a year ago. Save yourself a major headache and don't ask her.
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  • logana1logana1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I asked both my FSIL to be in the wedding, but I am super close with them. The fiances family gets together almost every weekend, thats how close they all are. Because you're not that close, I would say no. Maybe give her another job? Female version of an usher maybe (if you're having ushers). Then she's included, but its not super personal. Might be enough to please FMIL?
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