Wedding Invitations & Paper

My little Dilemma

My mother and I have never really been close and she has the worst boyfriend imaginable. Short and sweet I just need help with breaking the news to her that yes she will be invited because she is my mother however he will not be aloud anywhere near the wedding and isn't invited.  

Re: My little Dilemma

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    My mother and I have never really been close and she has the worst boyfriend imaginable. Short and sweet I just need help with breaking the news to her that yes she will be invited because she is my mother however he will not be aloud anywhere near the wedding and isn't invited.  
    You can't. Unless he has assaulted you, stolen from you, is on drugs, etc, you shouldn't split up couples, no matter how you feel about him. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    doeydo
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    What Addie said.

    Also, you say you and your Mom have never been close.  Well telling her that her awful boyfriend is not aloud anywhere near your wedding will just push you two further away.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    Do you mind me asking, why he is horrible? If it's too personal that's ok, but I'm not going to jump to conclusions and say it's not ok without knowing the facts like others.
    Which is why I offered a list of reasons why it might be ok. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    AshleyNicole1218
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
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    Just don't invite your mother.  

    It's a huge insult to invite her without him.  Even if he is abusive or violent, she's chosen to be with him.  Save yourself the embarrassment and cut her from the list if you aren't willing to invite her partner.  
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    @addieL73 Oh I know, which why I asked because there could be plenty of other reasons as well, hence your etc. I'm just not saying no or yes right away is all I'm saying.
    Right. But you threw in that you wouldn't just respond w/o knowing the facts "like others," implying that Maggie and I and anyone else who might respond in kind just do that and that you're somehow less judgmental or something. It rubbed me the wrong way. You could have said, "Yeah, we need more information" as opposed to setting yourself apart from the "others."


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    pinkshorts27
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    Thanks.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    "Just don't invite your mother. It's a huge insult to invite her without him. Even if he is abusive or violent, she's chosen to be with him. Save yourself the embarrassment and cut her from the list if you aren't willing to invite her partner."

    I'd have to HIGHLY DISAGREE here. For all you know if he's abusive she could be afraid to leave him so she stays which many women do unfortunately. Inviting a known abuser is supporting their behavior.
    But no matter what it is the mother's choice to stay with this man.  Inviting them together is the right thing to do and it will be up to the couple being invited to decide if they both or if just one of them comes.  In no way is inviting him enabling her behavior.  If anything not inviting him may make the situation worse. If this man has not been physical with the bride, or stole from the bride, was a convicted felon who murdered someone then there is really no reason to not invite him.  Yes it may suck to invite someone you do not like, but when they are part of a social unit it is either both or neither.

    Honestly we are now assuming this guy is in fact abusing this persons mother which could not be the case at all.  For all we know she just doesn't like her mother's boyfriend.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
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    "Just don't invite your mother. It's a huge insult to invite her without him. Even if he is abusive or violent, she's chosen to be with him. Save yourself the embarrassment and cut her from the list if you aren't willing to invite her partner."

    I'd have to HIGHLY DISAGREE here. For all you know if he's abusive she could be afraid to leave him so she stays which many women do unfortunately. Inviting a known abuser is supporting their behavior.
    Inviting an abuser is not support abuse.  It is recognizing a relationship that the mother chooses to stay in.

    If this guy is abusive, how do you think he's going to react to being excluded from the wedding?  He's going to blame the mother and take it out on her.  And he sure isn't going to let the mother go without him.  
    Maggie0829
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I feel another headache coming on.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    AshleyNicole1218coronado11tabathafaye
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
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    edited January 2014
    @mynameisnot we have already said this is all hypothetical here. We don't know the situation and you and I don't know what an abuser may or may not do because of it. We are assuming. So until she answers about it, it's neither here nor there.

    __________________________________________________

    Abuse was your example of when it would be a good idea to invite the mother without the guy.  I'm only responding to your example.

    It doesn't matter if the guy is abusive or if he farts in public. Mom isn't going to wake up and smell the roses because of a wedding invitation.  

    ETA: stupid box
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My mother and I have never really been close and she has the worst boyfriend imaginable. Short and sweet I just need help with breaking the news to her that yes she will be invited because she is my mother however he will not be aloud (allowed) anywhere near the wedding and isn't invited.  


    FTFY

    Invite your mom's boyfriend. I am willing to bet she would be pissed if you didnt.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    tabathafaye
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
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    And again it was an assumption I made about a situation we don't even know exists. We can agree to disagree here as I said before, that's not what this post was originally about. I told you I disagreed with part of your reply which I shouldn't have even did because it's hypothetical. @mynameisnot and if you want to create a thread about it then by all means do it and we can cross that bridge there. Like I said it's neither here nor there so I don't even know why bothered replying.
    Huh?
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    And again it was an assumption I made about a situation we don't even know exists. We can agree to disagree here as I said before, that's not what this post was originally about. I told you I disagreed with part of your reply which I shouldn't have even did because it's hypothetical. @mynameisnot and if you want to create a thread about it then by all means do it and we can cross that bridge there. Like I said it's neither here nor there so I don't even know why bothered replying.
    Huh?
    Right there with you myname.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    MyNameIsNotAshleyNicole1218
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    @mynameisnot we have already said this is all hypothetical here. We don't know the situation and you and I don't know what an abuser may or may not do because of it. We are assuming. So until she answers about it, it's neither here nor there.

    __________________________________________________

    Abuse was your example of when it would be a good idea to invite the mother without the guy.  I'm only responding to your example.

    It doesn't matter if the guy is abusive or if he farts in public. Mom isn't going to wake up and smell the roses because of a wedding invitation.  

    ETA: stupid box
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    She definitely won't be smelling sweet roses if her boyfriend is a big time farter.

    Sorry I felt this thread needed a bit of humor injected into it.

    ETA: dumb quote box

    MyNameIsNotAshleyNicole1218pinkshorts27
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