do we still need to take pre cana if we are no longer getting married in fi church?

hyechica81 · January 2014

so my fi really wanted to get married in his catholic church. problem is the latest they can do a sat wedding is 1pm we booked our reception hall way before we discussed churches. our reception is at 7 so no way would 1 pm ceremony work 2pm church is over and our guest have no where to go for 5 hours. he spoke with his priest a few times to see if he would do one a little later like after the last mass from 5-6 but he said no we don't do that in the catholic church..

i really wanted my church but we made some compromises before we found out about the 1pm thingy. so now we are going to have it at my church i am not catholic i am armenian orthodox ( christian) but i was baptized a catholic in my dads childhood church. and there is no restrictions on a saturday on when you can have the ceremony so we are going to do a 5pm-6 ceremony pictures after then off to reception site

we want to invite my fi priest to our church and my church is ok with it. but way before we found out about the church issue on his end we had signed up for pre cana classes would we still need to go to them in order for his priest to come to my church..

my church has no class requirements or anything like that and our church has no issues with so being of different faiths

meltoine · January 2014

I would seriously urge you to reconsider getting married outside the Catholic Church. Is your FI aware that he won't be able to receive communion ever again if he is not married in his church? Also, the Catholic priest will not come to your church to celebrate your wedding. If you do choose to marry in your church, you will not NEED to attend pre-canal but it's a hugely valuable experience, especially for interfaith couples who have more serious issues to work through, like how you will teach your children about religion. Again, please reconsider you plan. This plan cuts your FI off from full participation in his faith for the rest of his life, all over a one day scheduling conflict. Definitely doesn't seem worth it to me.

professorscience · January 2014

It really sounds like you guys have some deeper issues than just in what church you will be married. As Meltoine said, not getting married in the church will bar your FI from the sacraments. I completely understand being strongly rooted in one's faith, but you guys need to discuss the role of religion in your home BEFORE you are married to make sure everyone's feelings are out in the open.

Calypso1977 · January 2014

ditto other posters.

your FI giving up his faith for a reception venue is not the smartest decision IMO.

if your venue offers a luncheon reception slot id see if they'd be willing to change your reception time (many places offer 12-5 and then 6-12). im sure the church could marry you on a saturday morning. when i got married we had our ceremony at 11, and the reception started at 1230.

Calypso1977 · January 2014

also, seeing as you are both baptized Catholics, obtaining a dispensation to marry in your church seems highly unlikely especially considering your only reason for doing so would be for your reception.

hyechica81 · January 2014

so you are telling me he will be baned from scaraments never heard of that before someone i knew just got married in my church there s/o was catholic and they are still able to get scaraments in the catholic church they can still take communion.

no where in my post did i say he was giving up his faith. hes not converting to my religion he just getting married in my church plenty of non christians who are catholic got married in my church and they still are able to receive scraments in there catholic church

so i am not getting where this is coming from and if there are churches that do that i think its crazy.

yes we changed churches but it was not just for the reception aspect it was also beacuse i felt very strongly about getting married in my church and we had a lot of talking and stuff about it i did agree to marry in his church but then things changed and we wanted to do my church

[Deleted User] · January 2014

To the PP- FI and I are of different faiths and his priest has agreed to do perform the ceremony outside of Mass in the Chapel of the college we attended. This chapel is used for the Catholic Campus Ministries uses as well as other faiths, so that may be why he is willing to perform the ceremony for us, but my understanding is that with dispensation from the Bishop because I am not Catholic, this will still be a valid ceremony. This is also stated on the catholicweddinghelp.com website when you look into marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic...

to the OP- it sounds very much like you and your FI have discussed this with each other, but you may need to sit with your fiance's priest and talk to him. Marriage is one of the Sacraments and must adhere to Canon law- so yes, without the proper steps taken, your fiance will not be permitted to take part in the Sacraments.

Riss91 · January 2014

Sadly, many do not know the consequences of their actions.

Any Catholic that doesn't marry in a Catholic Church is no longer in a state of grace (unless a dispensation was received, which is rare). Unfortunately, most Catholics do not realize this and will still go up to receive communion. Priests aren't able to tell what state your soul is in, so they will give out communion. The responsibility lays with the Catholic. You should never receive the Body of Christ without being in a state of grace. It is damaging to your soul to do so and is offensive. If a Catholic is married outside of the Church, they can receive a convalidation (which makes the marriage a valid Catholic marriage) to bring themselves back into a state of grace. They should speak to a priest promptly and get that fixed!

Please do not call our church "crazy". There are very good reasons for these rules, which can be explained if you are interested in understanding.

Calypso1977 · January 2014

ditto what Riss said.

catholics are bound by proper form when it comes to marriage. proper form must be followed in order that the marriage is valid in the eyes of the church. if a valid marriage is not obtained then the church considers them in a state of sin as every time they have relations with their spouse it is considered adultery.

some of the weddings you may have seen may have obtained the proper dispensations. many may not have.

you can talk to your FI's priest to see if you can obtain one. but again, given that you are both baptized catholics (even tho you now practice a different faith) this will probably be impossible.

ive said this before about interfaith weddings. the catholic church requires catholics to be married iwth proper form and in the church or they cant practice their faith. you and members of other faiths can marry in any church and you will not be barred from practicing your faith. something to think about.

meltoine · January 2014

Also, there is not such thing as a non Christian who is a Catholic. Catholics ARE Christians. I didn't say your FI is willingly or knowingly giving up his religion, be he should be aware that if he is not married in a Catholic Church he will not be able to participate fully in his religion.

chelseamb11 · January 2014

OP,
As others have stated, in order for your future husband to stay in a state of grace with the faith he wants to follow, he must be married in a Catholic Ceremony. Is he a regular practicing Catholic?

It is okay for a Catholic and a non-Catholic to be married in the Catholic Church. There are other obstacles (for example making sure the Catholc spouse raises your children Catholic) but it can be done. Pre-Cana will make this job easier on the two of you. It will help you navigate how your marriage will work even with two different faiths.

Please do not call Churches crazy for their beliefs. You state this is your FI's faith, right? How much do you think he'd appreciate you calling his faith crazy? The rules are there for a reason. Not to control us, but to help us stay in a state of grace. I always compare it to us (as humans) being like teenagers. We may not like or understand the rules of our parents (God) but we should trust that they know better than us.

hyechica81 · January 2014

sorry to call it crazy meant no offence to anyone. but i did some research on it and the catholic church recognizes the orthodox church as a vaild faith and its the only church they recognize. meaning a catholic can get married in an orthodox church and he would still be in good graces with the catholic church.

as for children if we were blessed with any we planed on raising them in both faiths it can be done my aunt and uncle raised my three cousins in both faiths and it was done successfully

agapecarrie · January 2014

No, you've got that wrong.

It believes that the sacraments are valid, in general, (including Eucharist) but it is still separated from the authority of the pope, therefore MUST have a dispensation to marry outside of form, and a dispensation to marry a non-catholic.

And no, you can't raise them in both faiths. Both faiths here have many more similarities than Catholics do with other protestant faiths (sacramental and liturgical theology), however, there are still some differences, and the requirement for the Catholic is still there. Your fi will have to raise the children Catholic in order to be validly married through the Catholic church.

agapecarrie · January 2014

But all of that aside, if you were once baptized Roman catholic, you are still considered catholic according to Canon law.

You will not be able to marry in another church.

professorscience · January 2014

@TexasBride2014, you are totally right. Sometimes, college chapels are considered a part of the church and therefore valid places for ceremonies.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

@professorscience thank you! After reading a few other replies to the OPs I was confused and a little concerned. I know others have mentioned that some priests are more lax with the requirements regarding marriage, but I don't believe FI's priest would be willing to do anything outside Canon Law.

This may be deeper than anyone wants to go, but may I ask why the Catholic Church is the only church a Catholic can be married in? Why is A Catholic Church building considered more holy than another faith's? Please note, this is not intended to offend, it is genuine curiosity regarding the Catholic doctrine on the Sacrament of Marriage. Everything I've read states that in Canon Law, Catholics must get married in a Catholic Church without dispensation from the Bishop, but nothing says why.

chelseamb11 · January 2014

@TexasBride2014
It's not a question of it being "more holy". I'm not an expert on Canon Law, so anyone feel free to jump in and correct me on the following.
Marriage is one of the sacraments, and to receive the sacrament "wrong" is an insult to Jesus and His Church (Catholic Church). It's no different than receiving communion in a protestant church as well. There is a certain form that needs to be done to make it a valid Catholic wedding ceremony, and protestant pastors do not uphold that form. You also have to keep in mind, in a Catholic Church, you are truly in the presence of Jesus via the tabernacle and the Eucharist.

You have to keep in mind, too, that the Catholic Church is the ONLY Church that can literally trace its hierarchy back to Peter, whom Jesus handed off His Church and promised that it would be infallible in teachings and morals. Every other denomination in the world has, in some way, strayed from Jesus' teachings/promise. It has stated, "oh, well, we are only going to pick and choose the rules You laid out that best fit us". A vast majority, like mentioned before, are very similar. I was Lutheran for a chunk of my life, so I've seen it firsthand.

Which brings me to my question for @hyechica81 ... It is literally impossible to raise children in two different faiths. What are you going to teach them in regards to the gray area? You can't teach them that both are right, so you'll have to pick one. When you take your vows in a Catholic ceremony, part of that vow is to raise your children Catholic. So, in order for your FI to stay true to his faith, not only do you have to be married in a Catholic ceremony, but you (or at least he) must raise your children Catholic.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

Thank you @chelseamb11

hyechica81 · January 2014

so your saying i have to give up my faith and beliefs for my fiance to get married. i forgot to mention hes not really a member of any church he goes to a church in his hometown but he does not pay dues or anything. i am not asking for his priest to perform a full ceremony at my church i have my priest for that i am asking to invite him to help officiate in the ceremony.

my mom was married in the catholic church back in the 70s she had a hard time as the priest did not want to marry my parents as my mom was not catholic, he even refused to give communion to anyone invited on my mom side because he did not know if they were catholic or not. he did marry my parents but my mom did not have to sign anything about raising us in my dads church.

yes i was baptized in the catholic church but i was confirmed in my armenian orthodox church. my church recognizes only one baptism and it can be from any church meaning if you were baptized in a church of another faith you dont need to be baptized again in my church..

my religion was also the first nation to adapt Christianity in 301 ad

agapecarrie · January 2014

The walls of the church are highly symbolic of the parish community. A marriage is a vocational sacrament..its a proclamation to the parish and community that you will live out Christ's love to them, so the church building is representative of your commitment to the parish, as well as the parish's commitment to yours.

Sacraments have to be done according to form to be valid. They have to have valid form and matter. (Baptism: needs water, the intent to do what the church does during baptism, and the formula: I baptize you in the name of the father, etc...).

Marriage also has a form that must be followed, so if the form is not going to be followed, it will be invalid, OR...one must get a dispensation from form.

chelseamb11 · January 2014

hyechica81 said:

so your saying i have to give up my faith and beliefs for my fiance to get married. i forgot to mention hes not really a member of any church he goes to a church in his hometown but he does not pay dues or anything. i am not asking for his priest to perform a full ceremony at my church i have my priest for that i am asking to invite him to help officiate in the ceremony.

my mom was married in the catholic church back in the 70s she had a hard time as the priest did not want to marry my parents as my mom was not catholic, he even refused to give communion to anyone invited on my mom side because he did not know if they were catholic or not. he did marry my parents but my mom did not have to sign anything about raising us in my dads church.

yes i was baptized in the catholic church but i was confirmed in my armenian orthodox church. my church recognizes only one baptism and it can be from any church meaning if you were baptized in a church of another faith you dont need to be baptized again in my church..

my religion was also the first nation to adapt Christianity in 301 ad

I'm sorry if I gave you that impression, but no I did not say that. Does something in your faith state you cannot be married in a Catholic Church? I'm going to guess not, as that was the original plan. So, being married according to his faith is not taking you away from yours. Being married in the Church does not mean you have to convert, nor does it mean that YOU have to live as a Catholic after the wedding. It does mean, however, that you need to support HIM living as a Catholic as well as him raising your children Catholic.

I hope that clarifies a bit!

chelseamb11 · January 2014

I'm also not sure what you mean about your religion being the first nation to adapt to Christianity.. Which nation is this? Catholicism was the first Christian religion.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

@hyechica81 it sounds as though you may be facing some internal struggle regarding this- I recommend talking to your FI and his priest- as a non-Catholic I would encourage this because it sounds as though you're feeling defensive, but if you and your FI are to be married and of different faiths then there must be some dialogue and prayer regarding your future as husband and wife in the eyes of God. I would suggest that you might want to consider the pre-Cana courses simply to open these conversations and hopefully help each of you come to terms with things you may not know or understand about each other's faiths rather than viewing it as a requirement.

hyechica81 · January 2014

here is some more info on my church in 301ad the armenians became the first christian nation to adapt Christianity we are part of the oriental orthodoxy and we are the worlds oldest national church http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armenian_Apostolic_Church

hyechica81 · January 2014

so the jist of it is in order for him to be married at my church i would have to meet with his church which we are doing next week and talk to them about it and figure out how he can be married in my church but still be able to practice his catholic faith. we still are planning on taking the pre cana classes regardless.

my fi knows that my church does not require him to convert to my religion and hes ok with that we had some deep conversations about it and he wants to make sure everything is ok with his church. i totaly support him living as a catholic i have no issues with that as my dads family is catholic and all of my moms siblings married catholics.

Riss91 · January 2014

That's interesting, I didn't know that Armenians were the first to make Christianity the state religion. Chelsea is correct that Catholicism is the original Christian religion

from wikipedia:
"founded by Jesus Christ in the 1st century AD in the province of Judea of the Roman Empire"

agapecarrie · January 2014

Make sure to mention you are baptized Catholic. This is the part that is going to make this a huge issue. Make that the first point you say. They will need your baptismal certificate sent to them anyway, so they will know about it.

hyechica81 · January 2014

i am going to let them know i also want to make this not a huge issue with his church in terms of him getting married at my church. which it might become and we are prepared for that thus us taking the classes so that his church can see it will work out. my mom went through the classes years ago i dont think much has changed.

interfaith can work its tricky but it can. i know growing up special events in the church my dad grew up in we attended.

i am sure i wont have a problem getting the certificate would there be a fee to obtain one or would i need to just call the rectory to get one

agapecarrie · January 2014

The priest will probably give you a process on how to get paper work. Follow his lead.

do we still need to take pre cana if we are no longer getting married in fi church?

Re: do we still need to take pre cana if we are no longer getting married in fi church?

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