Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Reception Forum
Wedding Reception Forum
New Discussion

First dances without a dance for guests?

jmahnejmahne member
First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
We are getting married at 11am, then noon-1 cocktails and 1-4pm brunch reception (food stations) on the first day of summer - June 21st. :)  It's a small wedding - 50 guests.  We have hired a string quartet to play all 5 hours of the reception, going from background music to more pop tunes to keep things lively.  From 2-4pm during the brunch we have a flipbook photo booth hired for 'entertainment'.  No dancing or dance floor is planned.  The photographer will be around for the cocktail hour and first hour of the reception.

Would it be awkward for us to have a first dance and father/daughter dance if no one else will be dancing?  Anyone have any suggestions on when might be an appropriate time for us to do these dances so that people know we are just doing them for tradition, (but there isn't other dancing planned...)?   Or have any other suggestions?  I'm on the fence about having the dances at all, but I think I might regret it afterwards if we don't. 

Thanks!
Report Reply to Post

Re: First dances without a dance for guests?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    jmahne said:

    Would it be awkward for us to have a first dance and father/daughter dance if no one else will be dancing? 

    Yes, it would.

    Anyone have any suggestions on when might be an appropriate time for us to do these dances so that people know we are just doing them for tradition, (but there isn't other dancing planned...)?   Or have any other suggestions?  I'm on the fence about having the dances at all, but I think I might regret it afterwards if we don't. 

    If you don't want your guests to dance, don't have these dances either.  At best it potentially confuses your guests by setting up false expectations that they will get to dance as well; at worst, you're providing tiered entertainment, which is a no-no.  If you have anything at your reception in terms of food, drinks, or entertainment, everyone must be able to partake/participate.

    Thanks!

    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    That would seem very strange to me. I would wonder why you got to dance and I didn't. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would be bummed if I got to watch a couple dance and then never got to dance myself. But I am also not a fan of weddings without dancing, unless they are in the morning (which I've never experienced but I wouldn't mind not dancing if it was early).

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    .

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you want to have first or parent dances, you should be opening up the floor to anyone who wants to dance.  If you don't do that, then you should forego the traditional dances.
    Report Reply
  • JMalettasJMalettas member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
     I also agree, it might be a little weird to have those dances, then not invite your guests to dance afterwards. Is there a reason you're not having dancing? If you aren't specifically against having it, you could always plan for an area for that, (without making it the main focus), if you really wanted to have those dances included in your wedding day. Just an idea anyways!

     *J
    Report Reply
  • jmahnejmahne member
    First Comment
    Has anyone actually ever been to a wedding where the bride and groom did their first dance, (not on a formal dance floor) and then there was no other dancing?  I'm curious about your first hand experience too, not just preconceived ideas about what should happen at a wedding. :)  We are having a daytime brunch, so I don't think this is really a typical wedding reception scenario, at least I've never been to a brunch wedding, and no one I know has either.

    I don't really care if people dance, it's just that there isn't really a space planned for that, and the music will be a string quartet, so not that "danceable" anyway...except maybe a slow dance - like our First Dance...if we do it.  Thanks for the opinions, keep em' coming!
    Report Reply
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    jmahne said:
    Has anyone actually ever been to a wedding where the bride and groom did their first dance, (not on a formal dance floor) and then there was no other dancing?  I'm curious about your first hand experience too, not just preconceived ideas about what should happen at a wedding. :)  We are having a daytime brunch, so I don't think this is really a typical wedding reception scenario, at least I've never been to a brunch wedding, and no one I know has either.

    I don't really care if people dance, it's just that there isn't really a space planned for that, and the music will be a string quartet, so not that "danceable" anyway...except maybe a slow dance - like our First Dance...if we do it.  Thanks for the opinions, keep em' coming!
    What type of first-hand experience are you looking for?  I haven't attended a wedding like this, but I can assure you my reaction would be the same....I would find it weird and be put off that the couple does their special dances but doesn't have dancing for the guests.
    Report Reply
  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    jmahne said:
    Has anyone actually ever been to a wedding where the bride and groom did their first dance, (not on a formal dance floor) and then there was no other dancing?  I'm curious about your first hand experience too, not just preconceived ideas about what should happen at a wedding. :)  We are having a daytime brunch, so I don't think this is really a typical wedding reception scenario, at least I've never been to a brunch wedding, and no one I know has either.

    I don't really care if people dance, it's just that there isn't really a space planned for that, and the music will be a string quartet, so not that "danceable" anyway...except maybe a slow dance - like our First Dance...if we do it.  Thanks for the opinions, keep em' coming!
    As to the first bold I, personally, would not consider yours to be a brunch reception.  To me brunch is something that is either served in the late morning and a person eats just that meal (combining breakfast and lunch into one) or it is served starting in the morning and goes to noon or 1 with people having the option of filtering in whenever to eat.  I would consider a meal starting at 1 to be lunch and would just think you decided to go outside the box with the food.  I wouldn't have an issue with the actual food because I love brunch food.  However, I would be viewing it as a lunch reception and my expectations would be in line with that.  

    As to the second bold if you don't have the space and the music for dancing there is nothing wrong with that but like others I see it as an all or nothing thing.  Either everyone gets to dance or no one does.  I know that people often consider the first dances to be the "opening" of the dance floor.  So I could see you running into the issue of people thinking you had chosen crappy music and a crappy space for dancing as opposed to understanding that you did not intend for them to dance.  I've been to weddings that didn't have a dance floor, just an area for dancing so I wouldn't consider the lack of a dance floor to indicate "no dancing".  


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree it's not a brunch. We got married at 10:30 and had a LUNCH reception from 11-2 with a string trio and no dancing at all. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    jmahne said:
    Has anyone actually ever been to a wedding where the bride and groom did their first dance, (not on a formal dance floor) and then there was no other dancing?  I'm curious about your first hand experience too, not just preconceived ideas about what should happen at a wedding. :)  We are having a daytime brunch, so I don't think this is really a typical wedding reception scenario, at least I've never been to a brunch wedding, and no one I know has either.

    I don't really care if people dance, it's just that there isn't really a space planned for that, and the music will be a string quartet, so not that "danceable" anyway...except maybe a slow dance - like our First Dance...if we do it.  Thanks for the opinions, keep em' coming!
    Yes, I have.  One of my H's co-workers got married several years ago and this is what they did.  It was an afternoon wedding with the reception in the church basement.  It was pretty low key.  The couple did their first dance, then they did parent dances, and then that was it for the dancing.  There was no dance floor.  They danced in a small space between tables.

    The people at my table were asking each other about when we got to dance.  Once we figured out that we weren't going to be invited to dance, the conversation quickly turned to when we were allowed to leave.  

    To be honest, we probably wouldn't have stayed very long anyway, as there was no entertainment and we didn't know very many people, but it was disappointing when we figured out that we wouldn't get to dance.  My H is quite the dancer, and getting out on the dance floor would have given us the opening to chat with some people we didn't know and have a little fun.  
    Report Reply
  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I have been to a lunch wedding and while they had music and dance floor, no one used it. Albeit, it was a dry wedding. But there was a dance floor and the kids just ran around on it.

    I guess i wouldn't see a problem with you doing the dances since your guests could dance if they wanted to - the musicians will be playing. There is obviously a space to dance if you dance in it. 

    I think the issue would be if you said "no dancing" or only played music during the spotlight dances. I mean, if I wanted to dance and I was a guest at you wedding what would stop me? What not just let your guests dance if that want to?

    Why not just make the clearing a little larger? You don't have to have a structured dance floor - I've been to plenty of weddings that didn't have one - and let people dance sit they choose to…I'm betting most won't due tot he timing of your wedding.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    Report Reply
  • octoberbride9octoberbride9 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I have been to lots of weddings where only the bride and groom danced one dance and then one where they did a first dance and then just one father/daughter  and mom/son dance (all 4 people danced to the same song at the same time). I didn't think it was weird.  They wanted to dance one song at their wedding. I didn't feel slighted for not "getting" to dance.  
    I think anything beyond 2 dances needs to turn into a full dance reception though.
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I don't understand the notion that the couple gets to dance but the rest of the couples don't.   This isn't quite as bad as having your own special food or beverages that aren't offered to the rest of the guests but I just don't understand why you'd do it.

    I've been to weddings with zero dancing and that was just fine. 
    Report Reply
  • jmahnejmahne member
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone.  I'm leaning towards no first dances now, we hadn't really planned on that anyway, and we are really ok with no dancing. (I was just second guessing myself.)  Being during the day, I don't think people are expecting dancing.  I don't want to confuse guests - which I can see now that some folks would be confused, put off, or think that we should've planned better for a dance floor or logistics (that possibility is the one that really makes me not want to risk it!)  We have other entertainment, and only 50 guests, so we will be able to mix and mingle and entertain everyone without dancing.  I'm not super traditional, we aren't doing a bouquet or garter toss, so I don't think anyone will even miss the dances.


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards