Budget Troubles....Our Plan Just Fell Through

Re: Budget Troubles....Our Plan Just Fell Through

• Wzz member

  

  January 2014

  why do your families have to contribute? i am curious, because it doesn't sound like they've offered. it sounds like you've asked them to pay up.

   

  so, why do they have to pay anything? and this goes for both sides of your families, not just his and not just yours.

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  chasingsunlight said:

  When we started planning our wedding, my FI's family made a big fuss about how it was my family's job to pay.  We dealt with that (and I'm still a bit miffed), and my parents are paying for about half of the wedding.  The plan was that we would pay for most of the other half and his parents would chip in approximately 7k (I am only giving the number so you can see the dent this is about to make).  Well, his family is crazy disorganized and somewhat irresponsible.  This includes neither parent being currently employed.  Long story short, it looks like we are only getting about 2k from them now.  

  
  

  Now, cutting back is something I have absolutely no problem with.  This is one day of our lives, and I'll survive without some bells and whistles.  His side, however, expects us to have a perfect, gorgeous, "not tacky" and "appropriate" wedding.  My FI has been basically brainwashed by this.  He wont budget on anything (from DIY invites to using plain white tablecloths to skipping the shuttle transport to the hotel).  His side also has more guests (at least 25 of which I have never heard of before), which has a lot to do with them being divorced and playing "tit for tat" with my wedding.  

  
  

  I have no idea what to do.  FI doesnt want to address his family's ridiculous demands or their lack of contribution.  He keeps putting it all off (we have 9 months to go).  I am already planning to DIY our centerpieces and my own bouquet. If I need to do more to save us money, I want to make the decisions before I start all my projects.   

  
  

  Ok.  Rant over.  Please offer some advice

  First of all, you have a FI problem. If he is "brainwashed" (your word) by his family into thinking he must have a certain kind of wedding that you and he cannot afford, you need to have a come-to-Jesus with him.

  
  

  Second of all, if $7K is less than one-quarter of your budget, there are TONS of ways to save. My entire wedding budget was only a little bit more than that. 

  
  

  You need to sit down and make a list of everything involved in your wedding -- venue, food, flowers, decor, favours, alcohol, etc. -- and show your FI how much it all costs.
  
  Then you need to show him what your budget is -- how much your parents are contributing and how much you and he are contributing and how much his parents are contributing -- and how much that works out to per person.

  
  

  Figure out what you can afford to spend per person given everything you/he want, and tell him, 'OK, we can invite X number of people.' From that number, give his parents an allotment -- whatever you think is fair -- and tell them, 'You may invite this many people, and no more, and we need names/addresses by X date.'

  
  

  It's incredibly rude of his parents to demand your parents pay for the wedding. They don't get to tell other people how to spend their money. 

  
  

  Start with having a conversation with your FI. He needs to have your back in this, and if he doesn't, that's your biggest problem.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  January 2014

  Ditto HisGirlFriday13.  The more immediate problem is your FI and his expectations.  You both need to work through that, and putting these changes in starker dollar terms might shake his reality a bit.  If you can get on the same page about where your budget is and what that means, then there is a lot of room to manipulate your budget.  Decide together what your priorities are.  For example, if the hotel shuttle is that important, what is he willing to forgo - limo service?
  
  Cut the non-essentials - hired transportation or favors would be a place to start, so would programs or table menus.  Don't worry about the extras, the things like welcome bags for hotel guests.  If it's an option, switch down a tier on things like food or photography packages. Simplify centerpieces and other flowers.  If you are serving alcohol, consider beer/wine/signature cocktail instead of a full open-bar.
  
  To help curb the tit-for-tat (since we also have divorced parents), in addition to giving all parents a specific number of invites, it may be helpful to invite in circles; for example, we invited aunts and uncles to our wedding.  This meant my mom's one sibling was invited, as were my dad's six.  Fair does not need to mean equal. 
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  JaclyneD said:

  Fair does not need to mean equal. 
  
  

  This needs to be repeated. Fair. Does. Not. Mean. Equal. 

  
  

  DH and I invited in circles -- all aunts and uncles (eight of each on my side; two aunts and one uncle on his side) and all first cousins (13 for me, one for him). That meant I had more family there. Well, that happens -- I also have more family overall, so that's just how it worked out.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• chasingsunlight member

  

  January 2014

  Thanks!  As far as cutting costs, we have a spreadsheet and a list of things we can cut.  The issue is getting him to make decisions so we can move forward.  We are still 9+ months out, and he doesn't see it as important yet.  I don't think he gets the amount of work that will go into each piece, especially with everything we are trying to put together ourselves.  

  
  

  To save money, I am making all our centerpieces and misc. decor.  My mother is making our favors.  His grandfather is performing the ceremony, and we are getting married at a venue his extended family owns.  We splurged a bit for a photo / video booth, but I can't figure out how we got to this point.  We've done everything to keep costs down. 

  
  

  As for his family, his mother has no relatives.  We tried the circles method, but since that left her with no one, she freaked.  My FI still thinks she will pay for her extra people, but she's flaky and I want us to have a contingency in place in case she doesn't come through. 

  
  

  
  

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