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Same Venue as Good Friend?

lebeerslebeers member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi Knotties, I'm a newbie to the boards so please be kind!
My good friend and I decided on the same venue--completely independently from one another. Fortunately I had not yet put down a deposit when I found out that she had booked it for her wedding, which is several months before mine. I had resolved to find a different venue, but I have found that my options are very limited (my fiance's family is kosher and we need a venue that can accommodate a glatt kosher reception). Although we are in each other's bridal parties, we do not have a lot of overlap in our guest lists, with the exception of our bridesmaids.
My friend says that she has no issue with us both using the same location, but is it inappropriate to book my reception in the same venue?
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Re: Same Venue as Good Friend?

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    misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Not inappropriate at all. Book it!
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Book it!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    Book it.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    completely fine.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Book it. Your friend doesn't get exclusive use of a venue just because her wedding is first.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    phiraphira member
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    Book it. Even if she weren't okay with it, you're completely within rights/good etiquette to book anyway.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
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    princessleia22princessleia22 member
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    Book it.  It shouldn't be a issue at all. 

    People use the same venues all the time. Even if you had exact same guest list, it shouldn't be an issue. And if you are worried about the venues looking the same, customize it differently than she is.  Do different centerpieces or something.  Different colored lighting. Drape the wall with fabric.  Whatever.  But, even if neither of you do anything to customize, it would be fine.

    And you were kind enough to ask her to make sure she didn't mind, which it sounds like she doesn't mind at all, so what's the problem here?

    image 

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    InkdancerInkdancer member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Totally fine! Even if half the guest list overlapped, it wouldn't matter, because you're each getting married on separate days with different things happening. Her day is her day and your day is yours, and nobody gets "dibs" on anything.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    do it. Decorate differently. Who cares?

    FI's sisters both got married in the same church, reception in the same place 5 years apart. They didn't care.
    image
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agree - book it!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    lebeerslebeers member
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    I started feeling worried because when I've told people that we had they same venue they often are like OH NO! WHAT are going to DO?! like I'm committing some kind of earth-shattering faux pas. So I felt like I'd better check with the Knot consensus.
    More specifically, some friends and vendors expressed concern that she would feel I was inviting comparisons between our weddings. Granted we do have ridiculously similar tastes/personalities, and we found that--even planning completely independently--all of our plans were bizarro identical, flowers and favors, dresses and DJs. (Great brides think alike.)
    Neither one of us is the "I will not sacrifice my vision! This is all about me and this is my special day and my special venue and I'm not sharing it with anyone and it must be the best wedding EVER!" type of bride. Our weddings will be unique and personal no matter what and I shouldn't worry about people guessing who spent more or who copied whom.
    I actually think that sharing a venue will be one more thing we share and can help one another with as we go through the planning process together. And I won't lie, it will be nice to see any snags in her reception so I can potentially avoid the same problems.
    It seems it is unanimous. Thanks y'all, this was hugely helpful!
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    hnkirk81hnkirk81 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Just to add my two cents here, I'm getting married in April and booked　our venue last May or June.　We　have a couple of friends that got engaged in August, and they have very similar budget restrictions, so we suggested they check out our place. They booked for　three weeks after our wedding, and I have ZERO problem with this. I'm just secretly hoping my décor turns out a little cuter :) I'm happy that they found something that works for them, and we got a little referral discount too.
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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I booked my wedding at the same venue as dear friends of mine (our officiant and bagpiper, actually). They are SO excited. When we got engaged, that venue was the first thing they suggested to us - not even knowing that was at the top of our list. They keep saying how great it's going to be to go to a wedding at the venue and be able to fully enjoy it!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    First, your friend is awesome, because we hear horror sories on this board ALL THE TIME about people trying to use the same venue as their "friends," sometimes YEARS after the fact, and those "friends" get pissed about it.  I'm glad your friend is rational.

     

    Do it.  If i was your friend, i might be irked if you picked my venue on a date before mine, but i'd get over that.  And that's not what you're doing anyway.  Use a different color scheme and it will look like a completely different place.  And it won't even matter since you don't have much guest overlap.

     

    One of my BMs is getting married two weeks before me and i sent her to my cake baker when she was looking for one.  She also booked her.  I'm thrilled that i get to eat this cake twice in May instead of just once!  She picked different flavors even though i told her she didn't have to because i do not care at all.

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Book it!
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    lebeers said:
    Hi Knotties, I'm a newbie to the boards so please be kind!
    My good friend and I decided on the same venue--completely independently from one another. Fortunately I had not yet put down a deposit when I found out that she had booked it for her wedding, which is several months before mine. I had resolved to find a different venue, but I have found that my options are very limited (my fiance's family is kosher and we need a venue that can accommodate a glatt kosher reception). Although we are in each other's bridal parties, we do not have a lot of overlap in our guest lists, with the exception of our bridesmaids.
    My friend says that she has no issue with us both using the same location, but is it inappropriate to book my reception in the same venue?
    Book it.  If I were her, I'd be thrilled!  I am dying to go back to our venue to experience it as a guest. 
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    mrsbananymrsbanany member
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    We haven't booked yet but we are seriously considering the same venue as my FI's sister. We would be getting married in the same church and having our reception at the same venue and we will be having the same guest list, a little over a year after she did. It's in our top two so there's a good chance we could book there.

    Every venue is just a shell really. You can decorate it differently and turn it into a totally different space. Book it. You would regret it if you booked some place you didn't like as much!
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    lebeerslebeers member
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    amandaj424 said:
    We haven't booked yet but we are seriously considering the same venue as my FI's sister. We would be getting married in the same church and having our reception at the same venue and we will be having the same guest list, a little over a year after she did. It's in our top two so there's a good chance we could book there. Every venue is just a shell really. You can decorate it differently and turn it into a totally different space. Book it. You would regret it if you booked some place you didn't like as much!
    I doubted my instincts about the issue because this friend is such a sweet person that she often tells people "of course it's fine because you're my friend and I love you!" and then gets walked all over. I wanted to be cautious because I don't want to inadvertently hurt or offend her.
    @amandaj424, you're absolutely right. This venue in particular is mostly a blank slate. White walls, big windows with a gorgeous ocean view, lots of potential. Well, okay, there happens to be a massive carousel in the middle of the banquet hall, which is clearly very distinctive, but it doesn't have to dictate the decor. Thanks everyone, my apprehension has turned to excitement; I can't wait to plan our weddings together!
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    vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    My friend and I got married a few months a part last year and we both had the same venue for the shower and wedding! It was nice because they have fabulous food so I didn't get to eat much at my wedding and at her wedding I stuffed my face :)
    image 
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    cupcait927cupcait927 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Book it. My BFF got married almost 3 years ago at a popular wedding venue in our area. When I first got engaged, she actually suggested her venue as a possibility (among others). And we're most likely going to end up having the same officiant as I was so impressed with the woman she had at her ceremony. The venue that you are considering sounds gorgeous so it's no wonder you both picked it! You two will each have your own day and your own memories. You also brought up an awesome point in that you two will be able to help each other and bounce ideas off of one another since you both know what the space looks like. And yeah, you can definitely scope out any snags or things you don't like about her day so you can tweak it on yours :)
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