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Need advice! Two family member weddings in different states on same weekend!

mystiw81mystiw81 member
Sixth Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have a dilemma. My father is getting re-married in June and I'm so happy for him to have found someone again. The problem is about 6 months after we reserved our cabin and everything for his wedding, my brother-in-law got engaged and his fiancé chose the same weekend as my dad. We let my husband's brother know immediately (before they even made save the dates) that we already had plans to be in Kentucky that weekend so he tried to change the date with his fiancé. She threw a fit and cried so he gave up. She randomly chose the date not even realizing it's father's day. It was going to be inconvenient and expensive but my husband was going to fly to Florida very early the morning after my dad's wedding so he could make it to both. Saving grace and making it clear that we had committed to the first wedding at least 6 months before they got engaged. Well...now I find out the future sister in law is now saying unless my husband misses my dad's wedding, that we had already reserve a cabin for and everything, then he is kicked out of the wedding party, but also their other brother will be kicked out of the wedding as well. I don't see how this is fair to anyone? My brother in law is perfectly ok with my husband getting there the morning of the wedding but he doesn't get a say in the matter, she throws a tantrum and cries. We live in California by the way so it's a lot of traveling in the first place. I was my sisters maid of honor back when she got married but there were circumstances that made me miss the rehearsal, and everything still went just fine. I don't understand this at all. He isn't even a best man or anything and she's having them rent khakis since its a more casual backyard affair. Why is she giving this ultimatum? Can someone help me understand or offer some advice?
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Re: Need advice! Two family member weddings in different states on same weekend!

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    She sounds like a spoiled brat. She needs to grow up and stop throwing crying tantrums.

    You warned them about the date. You tried to accommodate them. At this point, you've done everything you can.

    I cannot believe your BIL is letting this happen. He needs to grow a spine and tell her to stop acting like a petulant child. This is HIS brother and HIS groomsmen.
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    You were going above and beyond just by trying to attend both weddings. I think the bigger issue here is that your BIL is marrying a crazy person.
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  • devdalbertsdevdalberts member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I really hope this works out.  I'd hate to have my wedding ruined by my crazy Fi!  Hopefully this wedding planning will show your BiL her true colors in time...
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    Wow, what a peach.   I would just call her bluff. 

    On another note, I get wanting to stand up for my brother, but I think your DH would be dodging a huge bullet by being kick out of the wedding.    This might be the tip of the iceberg on demands.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    nebullama said:
    I fully agree with everything PPs have said.  To it I will add that I'm not sure what is a bigger indicator of her craziness, her tantrums or the fact that she is asking people to rent khakis.  Who does that?!?
    Hahahaha that seemed crazy to me too!  Doesn't making people rent khakis take all the casualness out of a casual wedding?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    HisGirlFriday13 said:

    I'd call her bluff. Say, 'OK, fine, we're not coming,' and have your DH have a conversation with his brother about what a cuntmonkey his FI is being.

    The BIL needs to grow a set of balls and stop letting his FI be such a bitch to everyone. If he lets it start now, where will it end?

    Word. She is being a huge bitch.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Look, I am all about guys saying, "this is what my FI wants, suck it up" (i.e., DH's brother wasn't thrilled with having to wear an orange Gerbera daisy as a boutonniere and DH said, "HisGirl picked the flowers, she's happy, shut up and wear it,") but only within reason, and this chick isn't being reasonable.

    DH's brother was a GM -- not the BM, just a GM -- and neither he nor his son (one of our RBs) attended the rehearsal. You know what? They were still able to walk down the aisle and stand in place, and it was fine. 

    I agree with @lyndausvi that being kicked out might be a blessing, because it sounds like NOTHING is ever going to be good enough for this bride.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • akmiller2010akmiller2010 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    Can you actually rent khakis? I've never heard of such a thing. Is that something people really do????

     

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    akmiller2010 said:

    Can you actually rent khakis? I've never heard of such a thing. Is that something people really do????

     

    Multi-millionarie San Francisco 49er head coach Jim Harbaugh buys his khakis at Walmart for $8.99 on sale.  I would find it pretty damn funny to be told to buy them.   Especially when brides have not problem asking their BM's to buy dresses.

    We bought our GM's their khakis.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ditto PP. The fact that she is also kicking out your other brother just confirms that she is a "cuntwaffle" as Friday puts it.  How does your situation affect your other BIL in any way.  Also, your BIL needs to grow a backbone. No one gets to tell you under what circumstances someone else can or can't be in your wedding party- even the FI.

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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I wonder if she meant renting khaki suits. That makes so much more sense to me since, as @lyndausvi stated, you can get khaki pants for about $10. I used to buy them by the gross when I delivered pizzas.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    wrigleyville said:
    I wonder if she meant renting khaki suits. That makes so much more sense to me since, as @lyndausvi stated, you can get khaki pants for about $10. I used to buy them by the gross when I delivered pizzas.
    I love it when people use that word the way it should be!!
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    I'd call her bluff. Say, 'OK, fine, we're not coming,' and have your DH have a conversation with his brother about what a cuntmonkey his FI is being. The BIL needs to grow a set of balls and stop letting his FI be such a bitch to everyone. If he lets it start now, where will it end?

    This. So totally this.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto call the bluff.

    The groom here needs to grow a pair and if the parents are active in the picture, I would be having a long talk with my son about how I didn't raise him to be a lame doormat. His action or lack thereof have consequences and one of them just might mean alienating multiple family members.

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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    wrigleyville said:
    I'm envisioning what a fucktrumpet she's going to turn into when it comes to Baby's First Christmas and Baby's First Birthday.
    Oh, I have a new word now.  I love this.
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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Call her bluff.  You made your prior plans known ASAP.  Your FBIL with either grow a backbone and deal with it or he won't.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I am very sorry that your FBIL has turned into an invertebrate because of this woman.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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