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Anyone not have a rehearsal? (Not the dinner, I mean an actual rehearsal)

jneen101jneen101 member
500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This probably doesn't really belong in etiquette but not sure where else it could go.

I am getting married on a Saturday night.  My venue only does rehearsals Monday through Thursday.  But, the Thursday before my wedding, they are having an event in the pavilion so the latest we could have a rehearsal is 3:30.  I definitely cannot ask people to leave work in the middle of the day for a rehearsal.  We could have it any time on Wednesday.  My DOC says rehearsals only take 10 minutes and the officiant usually doesn't even attend and basically it's just the venue staff telling everyone how it will go.  I guess I always assumed I needed a rehearsal because every time I've been a bridesmaid it was a church wedding with a larger bridal party and a lot of things going on.  We are having a short ceremony outside with only 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen, no readers, no flower girls, etc.  So do we even need one!?  I feel like it's weird not to have one and I still would like to host some kind of dinner the Friday before the wedding for the wedding party but not call it a rehearsal if we don't rehearse.  I just think it's weird to have it on a Wednesday, plus one of my bridesmaids lives about 2 hours away and I don't know about asking her to come down and back on a random Wednesday. 

Everyone involved in our wedding is already married or has been in a wedding so everyone has a general idea of what is happening.  I'm sure the DOC will help run everyone through it right before the ceremony anyway, so do we really need to do it 4 days earlier in the middle of the week?  Has anyone just skipped having a rehearsal?
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Re: Anyone not have a rehearsal? (Not the dinner, I mean an actual rehearsal)

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    We had a quasi-rehearsal, with half the participants missing, and our wedding went fine -- and we had a full Catholic Mass! 

    If your ceremony is not complicated or involved, you should be fine without a rehearsal.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We skipped a rehearsal. It was totally not necessary for us and sounds unnecessary for you, too. We included OOT guests and wedding party for a "welcome dinner party" the night before the wedding. I gave the wedding party their gifts in advance. I mailed them to the OOT bridesmaids and gave the in-town bridesmaid hers when I saw her several weeks before the wedding. I don't like the big showy gift giving thing so that worked well for me, too. 
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Nope, no rehearsal. We didn't have a wedding party or an officiant, but we probably would have skipped it even if we had those things. We just took a moment before the ceremony to let everybody know how it should go. It was fine.
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  • moosette113moosette113 member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    My rabbi flat out refused to do a rehearsal with us. He thought that going through the details before the wedding would detract from the actual ceremony. He gave us a brief outline in one of our meetings and some directions for program wording, but other than that, we didn't know too much besides what I had researched. And to be honest, we absolutely did not need the rehearsal. Our groomsmen and bridesmaids were perfectly capable of getting themselves down the aisle with no practice and minimal direction, and any participation my now-husband and I had in the ceremony was prompted by the rabbi.

    I think if you and your fiance feel like there are aspects of the ceremony you would like to run through then you can have a rehearsal for yourselves in the middle of the week. But unless there is some aspect of your ceremony that involves direct participation by your wedding party, I don't think it's necessary for them to attend with you.
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  • jneen101jneen101 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Ok thanks everyone.  Yeah, maybe my fiance and I could do a quick run through on Wednesday with the best man and matron of honor, because I don't think they would mind, that way they can just fill anyone else in on anything they need to know.  I know we have to meet with our officiant once more anyway to finalize everything about the ceremony so we will do that with him at some point so we'll know what's going on as far as what he is saying.  I think it will be fine.  I guess I never thought of not having one before!
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We didn't. Our venue didn't offer them (it was a casino in Vegas), but we wouldn't have had one anyway. Our MOH and BM had been in weddings before.

    We ended up having a "Meet & Greet" dinner the night before. We invited all of our guests and had a blast.
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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    We skipped the rehearsal completely but my husband's parents hosted a nice dinner that night. I did get a couple of comments from the wedding party that they were nervous to hear we weren't having a rehearsal because they felt like they needed one. I just talked to them in a lot of detail and made sure they felt comfortable and of course everything went just fine on the wedding day. When I went way out of my way to attend a wedding rehearsal in the past I ended up not really learning anything that I couldn't have been told verbally in about 60 seconds. 

    ETA: Our officiant told us that she charges extra for rehearsals, plus she feels that in most cases they are unnecessary. And we agreed.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You totally don't need a rehearsal.  I've been in several weddings and never had to attend a rehearsal, and we didn't have one for our wedding for the same reason as you - it would be too inconvenient to our wedding party.  All I did was send the readers their readings a while in advance, and a day or two before the wedding email the wedding party with their order of walking and say "chicks on the left, guys on the right."  That's it, and there were zero hitches.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    We didn't have a rehearsal. We did make a list of who was processing in with whom. Everything went just fine.
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  • zizibetzizibet member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
               The only reason we're having a rehearsal is that we're having readings. Otherwise, we wouldn't be bothering.
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ours was a 10 minute meeting with out officiant at a table with coffee.  He ran through how it would work and said he would walk us through all of it.  No WP or family attended with us.  It was in the cafeteria of the Dept. of Health building after we got our license.  Not a problem at the wedding.  We took our family and WP/SO's out for dinner the night before as a thanks and in case they had any questions.  

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  • firebabe6519firebabe6519 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We don't plan on having a rehearsal. We have a small WP and a fairly simple ceremony anyway.
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  • RissAnn1970RissAnn1970 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 10 Comments
    Even with readings you don't need a rehearsal. The officiant calls the readers to the front when it's time. We had two readings at two different times & I just had him use their names so they knew when to go.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    If you feel the need for a rehearsal (to confirm order of readings or something like that) you can also have it at a separate place from your actual venue. At my friend's wedding, they couldn't be in their venue because of another wedding. So they rehearsed in the back yard of their cottage, and it went just fine day-of.
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