How do politely dis-invite?

EMcD83 · January 2014

I had an issue with a "friend" who came to our engagement party and also received a "save the date" She recently went on a drunken tangent to my fiance telling him he was stupid for marrying me and that he shouldn't marry me and it wasn't too late to back out. Apparently she used to have a thing for him.... I am now incredibly uncomfortable inviting her and her boyfriend to our wedding now, despite them already being on our guest list and getting a "save the date." What's the proper etiquette here?

AddieCake · January 2014

EMcD83 said:

I had an issue with a "friend" who came to our engagement party and also received a "save the date" She recently went on a drunken tangent to my fiance telling him he was stupid for marrying me and that he shouldn't marry me and it wasn't too late to back out. Apparently she used to have a thing for him.... I am now incredibly uncomfortable inviting her and her boyfriend to our wedding now, despite them already being on our guest list and getting a "save the date." What's the proper etiquette here?

I assume you no longer wish to have her as a friend? Something similar happened to us with one of my family members a couple months before the wedding. Just don't invite them. You can either contact her prior and tell her you no longer wish for her to be in your life, or you can see if she comes to you about it later. Either way, you're not obligated to invite her as long as you are willing to cut her from your life.

EMcD83 · January 2014

The string of texts sent to my fiance were enough to make any bride's skin crawl. There's no nice way out of this. But what she said crossed a line so far, I don't know if there's coming back. And if she doesn't think she should marry me, then she really doesn't need to be at the wedding.

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

There's not a polite or etiquette appropriate way to do it, but in this situation, it seems that cutting her from the guest list is best.

I recommend telling her that you think your friendship has run its course and that you want to go your separate ways and cut ties. Then don't send an invitation and avoid any other interactions.

princessleia22 · January 2014

There is not polite way to do it once you've already sent them STD or invite. I would just straight up tell her that what she wrote was extremely inappropriate and you don't feel comfortable having her at the wedding after that... or having her around yourself or your fiancée/husband.

CMGragain · January 2014

There is no polite way to do this.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Well, there isn't a polite way to do this without ending the friendship, but it sounds like you don't plan to retain it anyway.

firebabe6519 · January 2014

Like PPs said, there isn't a polite way. But personally I would just tell her that hey your actions were completely inappropriate. So now you and FI don't feel comfortable with them coming to the wedding.

kmmssg · January 2014

Take your wedding out of it, talk to her about how inappropriate her texts were and discuss the friendship. Decide if the friendship is salvageable or not. Once you have that figured out, the rest will fall in place. If you end the friendship, don't send the invitation.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

There's no polite way to dis-invite someone from anything, but there are less-rude ways of doing it.

Rather than saying, "You were a skanky-ass hoe-bitch who crossed so many freaking lines I can't even begin to tell you what a cunt-monkey you are," you could say, "Friend, based on the text messages you sent to FI,and your behaviour, he and I aren't comfortable with you at our wedding or in our lives. We may have sent you a STDate but you will not be receiving an invitation and we really don't want anything more to do with you."

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2014

I don't think you need to concern yourself with being polite at this point - manners are obviously not a priority to anyone who would say anything like that! Cut her out of your life. There doesn't need to be a discussion or rehashing of it; she knows what she said and how she feels so it shouldn't come as a surprise to her.

EMcD83 · January 2014

Thanks for all the advice!! Totally a not-fun situation and one I wish I didn't have to deal with :-(

How do politely dis-invite?

Re: How do politely dis-invite?

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