Attire & Accessories Forum

Should I wear my gown to city hall?

I am getting married in April, but we're not really into the idea of a big ceremony where we're soo the center of attention. So we're going to actually get married at whatever courthouse the day before and have a small ( < 50 people) reception the next day.  The first thing I bought (a year or two ago) was the dress, because I just fell so in love with it and someone was selling it on Craigslist for a great price. This dress in white btw:
image

So I already have this dress I looove, but I'm a little worried this dress will be a bit out out-of-place, so I was considering just getting a shorter, less formal dress for the city hall thing. Like this:
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/OTA2WDYwMA==/z/PzgAAOxybetR80gR/$(KGrHqV,!rkFHoIVoi3MBR80gQ7VzQ~~60_57.JPG?rt=nc

Would that be a reasonable thing to do or am I being silly?

Re: Should I wear my gown to city hall?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I love the first dress. It looks a lot like what I initially thought for my dream dress. Ordinarily, I say go for it about wearing a gown to city hall. That dress might be a bit much, though.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • That dress is amazing, but a little too formal for city hall, IMO. It would be perfect for a more formal party, like the one you're having the next day. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • I don't even care that it's too formal...  it's your wedding... if you already have the big dress, wear it when you get married.  :)

    I wouldn't wear it at your celebration the next day though.

     

    PrettyGirlLostLondonLisaOliveOilsMom
  • Your wedding reception should take place on your wedding day.  Why isn't yours?  That is a more important question than the dress issue IMHO.
    I think the second dress would be perfect for a city hall ceremony.  Your original dress is a bit much, given the City Hall location.  Sorry.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    doeydovt&dtOliveOilsMom
  • love the dress wear what  you feel is right. as for the ceremony being on one day and the reception the next day i feel those are tacky if you cannot properly host both events in one day then why have it
    doeydo
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    That dress is just gorgeous, but I think it is too much for city hall.  However, I don't think it would be appropriate to wear the next day either.

    Sorry, I am no help on this one!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If it isn't your wedding reception (which occurs the same day you are wed when you "receive" the guests who came to witness it) then it is just a fun party. So the 1st dress is inappropriate to wear to that since you will not be a bride on that day. If you would like to wear white to your celebration the day after your wedding, I would go with the second dress. Much more appropriate for a wedding celebration (remember: you are not having a wedding reception, and you will not be a bride on that day- you were a bride the day before)

    If you want to wear the big  gown, I would say wear it to city hall- the pictures would be fun and then it would be your "wedding dress". Yes, it is over the top for city hall but not against etiquette or inappropriate. Wearing the big gown to your wedding celebration, however, would be both!



    PrettyGirlLost
  • Well, okay a couple relevant things: I would not be having all my guests at the city hall ceremony, just immediate family. And we are are having a professional photographer at the celebration the next day, so I'm wearing my gown there to have real nice pictures. We are skipping over a lot of the tradition and possibly what is considered etiquette. I can see how this is unorthodox, but I'm more concerned with how personally feel and the pictures and memories I have afterwards, and none of my guests are going to have any problems concerning all that.
    Also, it's a really silly reason, but part of why I'd want our wedding date to be the day before is because it would be 4-4-14.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    Would you wear your cap and gown at a graduation party for  people you didn't invite to your graduation ceremony the day before? No, because that would be ridiculous and AWish. Same thing with a wedding dress to a party when you are not a bride, you are a wife.

    Frankly, when you say that your photos and having 4/4/14 are more important than your guests, there are much bigger issues at play than a dress. 

    If you want to wear the wedding gown to your party, have a private ceremony, but host the reception on the same day. If that means moving everything to the next day so it isn't 4/4/14, so be it. 
    vt&dtshaylagirlOliveOilsMom
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    zimmyb said:
    Well, okay a couple relevant things: I would not be having all my guests at the city hall ceremony, just immediate family. And we are are having a professional photographer at the celebration the next day, so I'm wearing my gown there to have real nice pictures. We are skipping over a lot of the tradition and possibly what is considered etiquette. I can see how this is unorthodox, but I'm more concerned with how personally feel and the pictures and memories I have afterwards, and none of my guests are going to have any problems concerning all that.
    Also, it's a really silly reason, but part of why I'd want our wedding date to be the day before is because it would be 4-4-14.
    1st bolded- that statement comes across as quite selfish.  It makes you sound as if you value your dress and photographs above the comfort of your guests.  Wearing your gorgeous gown to a party the day after you were married and in front of guests who did not witness your actual wedding may actually offend and hurt people's feelings that were not present at your ceremony.

    Many people value the ceremony over the dress, the flowers, and the reception, no matter if it is held in a church or at the JOP.  And the entire point of the reception is to thank your guests who were present to witness your wedding ceremony for their attendance and support.

    2nd bolded- Brides make these claims all of the time and yet you have no idea if everyone is going to be ok with things, because they may say "Yes, sure no problem" to your face if asked, but they are just being polite and you are actually offending or hurting their feelings.

    There are tons and tons of accounts across these boards of women who were really offended, annoyed, and pissed off by the rude behavior of their relatives and friends during their weddings, but these posters never said a word directly to the Brides.  Instead they held it in, or bitched behind the Bride's back, and then bitched on these boards.

    3rd bolded- Given that you admit this is a very silly rationale to get married the day before you want to host your wedding reception, and taking into consideration what I have said above and the feedback from other PP"s, why not have your wedding ceremony at the JOP on the day you will actually have your wedding reception?

    Not wanting to be soooo the center of attention is also a silly reason because what do you think is going to happen at this reception where you are going to be prancing around in that huge gorgeous dress, followed by a photographer all night?  You will absolutely be the center of attention then, even more so.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    LondonLisa[Deleted User]OliveOilsMom
  • It's your wedding day. What do you want to wear?

    Stop thinking about what would or wouldn't look out of place and rock whatever apparel you want. 
    image
  • I am all about you wearing whatever you want to your wedding.  You are getting married.  If it's at city hall, and you want to wear a big poofy dress, knock yourself out.  But, doing it so you can have a certain anniversary date is silly.  And, wearing the dress again the next day, which is NOT your wedding day, is silly. 

    You are wearing a big poofy wedding gown to what is basically, a party.  You are having a photographer, at... a party.  You are having memories captured at, a party... not your wedding.  Why wouldn't you have the photographer come to your actual wedding?

    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So you are only concerned about pictures, your dress and the date.  If that is the case then why even have the party?  Just hire a photographer to follow you and your FI around town to take a shit ton of pictures.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • zimmybzimmyb member
    First Comment
    edited January 2014
    Okay. I'm not *not inviting* people to the ceremony. I'm basically not *having* a ceremony.  Even if I go ahead and have it on the day of the reception, which I'm not so ridiculous as have much of a problem with, I will still not be having a big production of a ceremony and will still not have all my guests there. 
    And walking down the aisle and giving a performance of our vows and everything basically up on stage is a lot more intimidating to me than walking around talking to my close friends and family
  • zimmyb said:
    Okay. I'm not *not inviting* people to the ceremony. I'm basically not *having* a ceremony.  Even if I go ahead and have it on the day of the reception, which I'm not so ridiculous as have much of a problem with, I will still not be having a big production of a ceremony and will still not have all my guests there.

    if you are getting married, you are having a ceremony.  A ceremony can last 5-10 minutes, where you say your vows and whatever you are legally required to say under your state law.   People come to weddings and receptions to see you get married and to celebrate your marriage.  So, having your ceremony, but then inviting everyone to a big party the following day, and wearing a big poofy dress seems a little like "LOOK AT ME!  And BRING ME GIFTS!"
    TheGrimReaperOliveOilsMom
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    zimmyb said:
    Okay. I'm not *not inviting* people to the ceremony. I'm basically not *having* a ceremony.  Even if I go ahead and have it on the day of the reception, which I'm not so ridiculous as have much of a problem with, I will still not be having a big production of a ceremony and will still not have all my guests there. 
    And walking down the aisle and giving a performance of our vows and everything basically up on stage is a lot more intimidating to me than walking around talking to my close friends and family
    Whatever happens at the JOP that legally makes you a married couple is your ceremony.

    Now to the bolded, I can understand that.  I just wanted to make sure you realized that no matter what, you still will be the center of attention the next day.

    So, you won't have any family or friends at all at your ceremony at the courthouse?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    zimmyb said:
    Okay. I'm not *not inviting* people to the ceremony. I'm basically not *having* a ceremony.  Even if I go ahead and have it on the day of the reception, which I'm not so ridiculous as have much of a problem with, I will still not be having a big production of a ceremony and will still not have all my guests there. 
    And walking down the aisle and giving a performance of our vows and everything basically up on stage is a lot more intimidating to me than walking around talking to my close friends and family
    It is fine to have a private ceremony of immediate family only (like 10 people max) and then have a bigger (same day) reception afterwards that invites more people. All we are saying is that if you want to wear your big gown to the party, your reception has to be on the same day as your wedding ceremony. THAT is the day you are a bride. The next day, it is just a party and you are a wife so wearing a gown is silly. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm sorry but none of this makes any sense to me.

    Why can't people just have their damn wedding ceremony on the same day as their reception and invite all their guests to both?  It really makes things so much easier.

    misshart00PrettyGirlLostshaylagirlOliveOilsMom
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Can I ask why it's so important to have your wedding on 4/4?
  • Ok, I totally understand everyone's issues, and I think I will just have it the same day. I thought 4-4-14 would be cute, just because of the ring it has, but seriously, I'm not so ridiculous as to need that day or anything. The real issue I asked about though was what dress to wear, and I think that I will wear my gown to both.  


     
    PrettyGirlLostnebullamaJCbride2015
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    zimmyb said:
    Ok, I totally understand everyone's issues, and I think I will just have it the same day. I thought 4-4-14 would be cute, just because of the ring it has, but seriously, I'm not so ridiculous as to need that day or anything. The real issue I asked about though was what dress to wear, and I think that I will wear my gown to both.  


     
    Your wedding date will be special not because the date has a nice ring to it but because that is the day you get married.

    If you are having both the ceremony and reception the same day then just rock your dress.  But if I were you I would just have the ceremony at the same place as your reception and invite everyone to everything.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    zimmyb said:
    Ok, I totally understand everyone's issues, and I think I will just have it the same day. I thought 4-4-14 would be cute, just because of the ring it has, but seriously, I'm not so ridiculous as to need that day or anything. The real issue I asked about though was what dress to wear, and I think that I will wear my gown to both.  


     
    Thanks for listening to our advice and having a great attitude in response to it.  It's appreciated!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    JCbride2015
  • Your new plan sounds much better!  Have a lovely wedding day.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    PrettyGirlLost
  • OP, glad you agreed to change the date.  If you love the first dress, wear it!

    It may be a little formal for City Hall, but that is a matter of taste and not etiquette.  With that in mind, I say go for it - and maybe let your FI know that you're wearing a formal gown so he can match you in formality.  (I'd hate to have him not know about your dress and not wear a nice suit/tux assuming you wouldn't be in a formal gown because of the location)
    PrettyGirlLostzimmyb
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Yes, the first gown is a bit formal, but who cares?  I say wear it and have a great time.

    Another advantage to doing both the wedding and the reception on same day is that you don't need to worry about getting your hair and makeup perfect on multiple days. 

    image 

  • zimmyb said:
    And walking down the aisle and giving a performance of our vows and everything basically up on stage is a lot more intimidating to me than walking around talking to my close friends and family

    I raise my glass to you for opting to have your ceremony and reception on the same day. :)

    Also, FWIW, I understand your apprehensions about having your ceremony in front of a crowd.  Some good friends of mine can be really shy sometimes, and the thought of exchanging something so deeply personal and emotionally charged as their wedding vows in front of 100+ people was just too much for them. So they did what you are doing, JOP ceremony with immediate family only, and a lovely larger reception immediately following.  Everyone at the reception knew them well enough to understand why they did what they did.
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    zimmyb
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