Steve Harvey WTF

JCbride2015 · January 2014

We just got cable for the first time in at least 5 years. I'm sitting here doing schoolwork and Steve Harvey is on. There's been so much WTF in the last few minutes I can't concentrate on my work! First, they had a big segment about "bridal boot camp" with women who "need" to lose weight before their wedding. Some of these women were saying they are embarrassed to get married at their current weight. One said her Fi is "giving me this amazing wedding, and the least I can do is lose some weight so I look beautiful for him." WTF seriously, doesn't he love you the way you are? I'm all about looking and feeling your best, but this was much more focused on The Dress and looking good for your man, not for health.

Now they are doing a segment about his book "Act like a lady, think like a man" which I haven't read. Apparently things your man should do for you:

--Open the car door ALWAYS. If he doesn't do this, "throw him out."

--Pull the chair out for you and put your napkin on your lap.

--Provide for you. He must pay for everything all the time.

His guest is a recently engaged woman who is asking "How can I keep my husband attracted to me? What can I do to keep him interested?" as if it's entirely on the woman to "keep" her man interested.

--The guest actually compared herself to a piece of meat. She said she is worried that her husband will look for a bigger piece of meat if she isn't enough, and how does she make sure she is always the biggest piece of meat?

To his credit, the FH came on the show after the commercial and said she never needs to worry about him losing his attraction to her because she's so beautiful. Awww, very cute. But no mention of, you know, her brain.

I'm all about Fi being a gentleman. Yesterday we were at the mall and he surprised me by swiping his debit card at Sephora and not letting me pay. Sweet! But we are equal partners and I would never expect him to pay for everything or open every door. Sometimes he does the door-opening, and if we are carrying groceries he will take the heavier bags, etc. But seriously, there is no part of me that wants to be treated like a delicate little flower. Putting a napkin on your gf's lap is just creepy to me, like she's a child. Ick.

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

Ugh. I haaaaaate when people perpetuate stupid gender roles like that. It's outdated and antiquated, and just plain offensive.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Uhmmm....yeah. I mean, I often ask DH to carry the heavy bags from the grocery store, but that's biology -- the man has six inches and sixty pounds on me. Also he lifts weights. He can carry the bag the bag boy thought needed ALLLLL of our canned goods in it and now it weighs a bazillion pounds.

Otherwise? Yeah, no.

True (funny and also racist) story: DH's grandmother LOVES the Steve Harvey show. She watches it and then tells us how she's 'learning about coloured people' and 'why their marriages and relationships fail so much.'

I can't tell if she thinks it's a documentary or if she doesn't realise it's contrived drama.

I just...no words. But the first time she said that, DH choked on his food and then got beet-red with anger.

This is, however, also the woman who watched the Discovery Channel 'documentary' on mermaids and took it as gospel truth, sooooooo. ....

sarahufl · January 2014

put your napkin on your lap? FI has never done this- in fact, I think it would bug me if he did!

Different strokes, I suppose....

pinkcow13 · January 2014

JCBride2014 said:

We just got cable for the first time in at least 5 years. I'm sitting here doing schoolwork and Steve Harvey is on. There's been so much WTF in the last few minutes I can't concentrate on my work! First, they had a big segment about "bridal boot camp" with women who "need" to lose weight before their wedding. Some of these women were saying they are embarrassed to get married at their current weight. One said her Fi is "giving me this amazing wedding, and the least I can do is lose some weight so I look beautiful for him." WTF seriously, doesn't he love you the way you are? I'm all about looking and feeling your best, but this was much more focused on The Dress and looking good for your man, not for health.

Now they are doing a segment about his book "Act like a lady, think like a man" which I haven't read. Apparently things your man should do for you:
--Open the car door ALWAYS. If he doesn't do this, "throw him out."
--Pull the chair out for you and put your napkin on your lap.
--Provide for you. He must pay for everything all the time.

His guest is a recently engaged woman who is asking "How can I keep my husband attracted to me? What can I do to keep him interested?" as if it's entirely on the woman to "keep" her man interested.
--The guest actually compared herself to a piece of meat. She said she is worried that her husband will look for a bigger piece of meat if she isn't enough, and how does she make sure she is always the biggest piece of meat?

To his credit, the FH came on the show after the commercial and said she never needs to worry about him losing his attraction to her because she's so beautiful. Awww, very cute. But no mention of, you know, her brain.

I'm all about Fi being a gentleman. Yesterday we were at the mall and he surprised me by swiping his debit card at Sephora and not letting me pay. Sweet! But we are equal partners and I would never expect him to pay for everything or open every door. Sometimes he does the door-opening, and if we are carrying groceries he will take the heavier bags, etc. But seriously, there is no part of me that wants to be treated like a delicate little flower. Putting a napkin on your gf's lap is just creepy to me, like she's a child. Ick.

I read that book!!!!! Years ago. I remember one of the things was that you need to make a man wait I think it was 90 days before "giving up the cookie", because that is how long it will take him to fall in love with you. Anytime before that, he will probably see you as some easy chick and either dump you, or keep you until something better comes along. I can't remember what other gems I read in that book, I wonder why. There was definitely a chapter on how to keep your man always interested in you, or some crap like that.

I am also all for a man being a gentleman to an extent - please do not ever put napkins on my lap. FI and I are also equal partners. I don't expect him to pay my way, or to financially "take care of me." A couple of years ago, when I lived on my own I went through a rough patch, financially. I had recently moved out, bought all new furniture, started grad school, and all my bills just piled up a few months later. Whatever little money I had, I spent on food for the kitties, while I just ate ramen noodles. Well I was talking to my cousin and she was just like "Why don't you just have FI move in with you so he can pay your bills?" Ummm WHAT?? What is this, 1956? And why do I need HIM to bail me out of my problems? I could not even see myself asking him for a loan, let alone have him pay my bills. Ridiculous.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

JCBride2014 said:

Now they are doing a segment about his book "Act like a lady, think like a man" which I haven't read. Apparently things your man should do for you:
--Open the car door ALWAYS. If he doesn't do this, "throw him out."
--Pull the chair out for you and put your napkin on your lap.
--Provide for you. He must pay for everything all the time.

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Ugh. I haaaaaate when people perpetuate stupid gender roles like that. It's outdated and antiquated, and just plain offensive.

I don't find these classy, chivalrous, gentlemanly behaviors to be offensive in the least, nor do I find them a commentary on gender roles.

To me, those acts are all indicative of my elevated esteem in the eyes and mind of my FI when he does them for me. They are acts of respect. I feel appreciated and honored. I don't feel that we are unequal or that he is being misogynistic; I think that line of thinking is outdated.

Honestly, when a man holds a door open for me I don't think "Oh my God, he must view me solely as a sex object who belongs in the kitchen bare foot and pregnant!" I just think, "Wow, how nice. Someone who actually still has some manners." In fact I think that of anyone- man, women, or child- who acts politely in public.

JCBride2014 said:

I'm all about Fi being a gentleman. Yesterday we were at the mall and he surprised me by swiping his debit card at Sephora and not letting me pay. Sweet! But we are equal partners and I would never expect him to pay for everything or open every door. Sometimes he does the door-opening, and if we are carrying groceries he will take the heavier bags, etc. I agree with you, 100% here. But seriously, there is no part of me that wants to be treated like a delicate little flower. Me neither, but I don't view the actions we are discussing as being treated like a delicate flower. I view then as actions of respect. Putting a napkin on your gf's lap is just creepy to me, like she's a child. Ick. FI doesn't go that far, but I don't find it creepy as very high end restaurants will do this. The lady will be seated 1st, again as a sign of respect, the host or waiter who is seating her will pull out her chair for her and place her napkin on her lap. . . and I think they do this for the men in your dining party too. I have also found that when you get up and use the restroom in these places you will come back to find your napkin neatly folded in front of your place setting, lol.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

shrekspeare said:

I think it has to do a lot with the type of women Steve Harvey caters to. From what I've seen, these are women who want to maintain their independence, while keeping hubby's nuts in a jar under the sink. They fail to see that they can be independent and not a jerk about it.

Not related, have you seen the gif set of him hosting Family Fued? There's one where he asks something along the lines of, 'Which of the Seven Dwarves best describes your wife in bed?' The poor guys answering the question just have a stare off at each other and shake their heads. Hilarious.

I know nothing about the type of woman he caters to-- all of this was within the first ten minutes of his show I had ever seen in my life, ha! This actually didn't look at all to me like a woman trying to be independent. Looked much more like the idea was the woman just melts into the relationship and bf takes care of her.

I have never seen that Family Feud clip (no TV for five years) but I'm about to go search for it right now.

Found it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vovJ-JsK9h4

Hilarious. Although I was annoyed the guy ended up answering. I felt like he really screwed his competition by starting with the shaking heads, and then stole the opportunity to answer. I was really hoping they would stand their ground and not play the question!!!

JCbride2015 · January 2014

@PrettyGirlLost I guess my point is more, those things are nice but they aren't the sum total of what makes a relationship as the show was presenting it. I like when Fi does these things, but the show was taking it really extreme.

Ex., the female guest said one of the ways she knew that he Fi was the one, was because during their entire relationship, he never let her take out her credit card to pay for a meal or activity. And a man should be "thrown out" (direct quote) if he doesn't do these things. What if you have a long-term relationship and start budgeting your money together? Is the guy not being gentlemanly enough?

I agree, I don't get bent out of shape when a guy holds a door open for me. I think it's nice. But if I'm in front, I'll also hold the door for whomever is behind me, man or woman. It's just people being nice to each other.

The napkin thing would weird me out even if a waiter did that. I've had my chair pulled out by waiters which is nice, but never the napkin.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

@JCBride2014 I see, I agree. I certainly wouldn't "throw out" my FI, now or back then, if I had to pay for my own Starbuck's or get out of the car by myself. He was being a bit ridic there.

JCBride2014 said:

I agree, I don't get bent out of shape when a guy holds a door open for me. I think it's nice. But if I'm in front, I'll also hold the door for whomever is behind me, man or woman. It's just people being nice to each other.

Yep, yep!

Fran1985 · January 2014

Didn't Steve Harvey cheat on his wife? I feel like he has been married a million times

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

@PrettyGirlLost -- what I meant (and perhaps didn't convey properly) was that it irks me when these optional signs of respect and affection in a mutually beneficial relationship are treated as uncompromising expectations, thereby perpetuating the antiquated sociocultural norms that a man MUST be the provider, open the car door, etc., and that a woman NEEDS a man and should be focused on doing anything and everything she can to 'keep' him, lest she find herself a lonely spinster who becomes a burden on her extended family because no man will 'have' her.

hellohkb · January 2014

I can't stand Steve Harvey. I find this sexist attitude of "thinking like a man" and "acting like a lady" to be ridiculous and outdated. How exactly does one "think" like a man? And why is it that we have to act like them? And how does one "act" like a lady?

I believe it almost implies that men are smarter, but they don't know how to behave or something. Which is a load of crap.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

@PrettyGirlLost -- what I meant (and perhaps didn't convey properly) was that it irks me when these optional signs of respect and affection in a mutually beneficial relationship are treated as uncompromising expectations, thereby perpetuating the antiquated sociocultural norms that a man MUST be the provider, open the car door, etc., and that a woman NEEDS a man and should be focused on doing anything and everything she can to 'keep' him, lest she find herself a lonely spinster who becomes a burden on her extended family because no man will 'have' her.

AAAAAAAH, ok my bad. I think we are all on the same page :-)

photokitty · January 2014

A friend's mom bought me that book - the things you mentioned aren't even close to the most absurd things in it!! It was insane!! Like how many nights you can not be int he mood to have sex before your man will go find it elsewhere…

She hadn't read it and was trying to be helpful…it was good for a few laughs.

I would never watch his show after reading that book. Lord knows, I won't be watching the movie ever either!

erinlin25 · January 2014

I saw that clip before, their expressions are so funny-- but I never understood why they did not say HAPPY!? Not that Hard.

Besides that, my husband likes to open doors for me, and at first he would get annoyed if I opened it, so now I let him open the door (just when we are out and stuff, not like the car door or anything like that). But I would be so weird-ed out if he put a napkin on my lap. and he is good about helping bring in bigger bags/ heavy things, etc.

MrsDeRuyter87 · January 2014

I'm sorry but to me I can tell my H has true feelings for me and absolute affection when he does something practical like start my car when its cold, bring me a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch, fill my water bottle without me asking, making sure the doors are locked in the house so that I am safe, waiting to start the dishwasher or the washing machine when I decide I am finally ready to take a shower after hours of vegging on the couch on Saturday morning. I couldn't care less if he opens a car door, or places a napkin on my lap (creepy), that's not a show of genuine affection to me. I don't feel like he loves me less because he doesn't do these things.

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 · January 2014

I don't understand his show. I saw a bit of his show where they were talking about beauty and fashion tips. There are plenty of daytime shows out there that are women giving advice to women. Why would we want to any from Steve Harvey?

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

I did freelance work for a few years so worked from home. I could never get into talk shows because they spend like 90 seconds on a topic, never actually give you any useful information/answer questions, and everything is an advertisement. When Steve Harvey's show started, I tried watching it but gave up. I just could not understand the appeal of his brand of advice.

CLoGreenEyes · January 2014

Can't stand this dude. He acts like men have zero self-control and can't advocate for their own needs in a healthy way, so they "act out" and cheat when their SOs don't give up the cookie and/or look good often enough. I remember in his book he said something about how even if he and his wife take a nap together, if she wakes up she will go and fix her hair and make-up before he wakes up and sees her. WTF?!?!?!? Just no.

I do think chivalrous behaviors like holding doors and whatnot are nice (although having someone physically put a napkin in my lap would weird me out - I must not be very high class). To me, though, it's a matter of whether each individual's needs are adequately being met in the relationship. I'm not a person who will get super-grumpy if you don't buy me an expensive gift for every occasion...but if you go for weeks at a time without complimenting me, I just don't see how you could possibly love me. By Steve Harvey's definition, this probably makes me insecure - not able to accept a real man's love or whatever. I don't think that's true; I think it's a matter of knowing who you're with and what they need, and then doing everything you can to give it to them every day.

vt&dt · January 2014

Ugh, I hate stuff like that.

FI is generally very sweet about traditional manners/roles in things like carrying the heavier bag or holding the door open for me - but sometimes I pay for dinner because I want to do something nice.

Why does it have to be so complicated? Can't we just treat each other well, volunteer to be helpful where the other person may need help, and move on?

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