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issues with our church

mschristie123mschristie123 member
Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
in Catholic Weddings
I've been lurking on this board for a while, but this is my first post. Apologies for the length.

My fiancee and I got engaged November 2012, and almost immediately booked my parents' church for our wedding (this May). FI and I are both Catholic, but don't belong to my parents church, since we live out of state. Basically since we set the date with the pastoral assistant, we have had nothing but problems. First, we had to fight with the pastoral associate to allow my aunt who is also my godmother to sing during our Mass. They had a problem with her not belonging to the parish, which was really dumb to me. The next issue was related to pre-marital counseling. Throughout our 1+ year of engagement, the church has dropped the ball on getting us registered, signed up, and taken care of in terms of the various parts of the pre-marital program. When we first met with them right after we got engaged, the pastoral associate explained in great detail the many steps involved with marital prep, and how seriously their church takes it. We were excited by this prospect, but have been let down at every turn because the church didn't get our Prepare and Enrich surveys, they didn't give us a mentor couple, they didn't schedule us for the marriage therapist. One thing after another....

The newest issue that has arose is that they will not schedule our rehearsal on the Friday before the wedding, because there is a confirmation rehearsal that same night. I'm just so frustrated and angry at this point. Our wedding has been scheduled for over a year, they know we are an out of state couple, and it's not possible for us/our bridal party to come into town any earlier. Plus, our rehearsal dinner is already scheduled for Friday and the deposit has been paid.

I just don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated with this church, and I don't want to ruin my parents' positive relationships they have there, but we are all getting so annoyed with how we've been treated. Thanks in advance for any help.
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Re: issues with our church

  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Sorry to hear you're having trouble. We were able to register for our pre-cana classes on our own. Can you ask them if it would be alright for you to do the same? It seems like their administrative/office assistant is a bit overwhelmed.

    As far as the rehearsal goes, confirmations are typically held the same time each year and they are hard for the Church to schedule as in many cases the Bishop travels from parish to parish to be present. So, it isn't just their schedule they are dealing with. I would recommend having your own "rehearsal" meeting with the priest/assistant prior to your wedding and figure out the basic set-up/order and then host your rehearsal with your wedding party somewhere local - at your parents' house or a local park. You would just run the rehearsal yourselves.

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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer

    i too have never heard of the church registering you for precana - usually they give you the list of "approved" courses and you sign up. maybe yours is in-house since you mentioned the mentor couple but that sounds odd, espeically since you are not local. how would you actually participate in these sessions?

    i understand abotu the aunt not being allowed to sing - usually churches have their music team and its usually required that you use them for a variety of reasons. 

    as for the rehearsal, are they requiring one?  its honestly not necessary IMO.  as long as everyone knows what order they are walking in and what pew to go to (usually the two front ones on either side) that's pretty much it.  you can still have your dinner that Friday night, and you and your FI could just meet wiht the church Thursday to go through the ordering, etc. then review this with your WP at Friday's dinner.

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Sorry you're dealing with all these problems, OP.

    I do second Riss in figuring out a different rehearsal space.  None of our bridal party and most of our guests aren't Catholic, but there was very little that really needed to be rehearsed.  You can use another space for that and just practice the order of the procession, who's doing the reading, who's handing you both the rings, etc.  And if people really need to see the church space to visualize this, they can come a little early to the ceremony.  The person doing our readings, the people bringing the bread and wine up, and our musician didn't even come to the rehearsal.  It's not a big deal.

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