Please HELP with who to select for bridesmaids...

Re: Please HELP with who to select for bridesmaids...

• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2014

  The only "duties" a wedding party member has is to obtain the specified outfit and show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits on the wedding day.  No one is required to throw any kind of party or do anything else.
  
  Nor are you required to include family members just because they are family members; nor do you need even sides.
  
  Choose the persons you are actually close to, regardless of how many they are or how they are or aren't related to you.
  

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• HaileyDancingbear member

  

  February 2014

  Jen4948 said:

  The only "duties" a wedding party member has is to obtain the specified outfit and show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits on the wedding day.  No one is required to throw any kind of party or do anything else.
  
  Nor are you required to include family members just because they are family members; nor do you need even sides.
  
  Choose the persons you are actually close to, regardless of how many they are or how they are or aren't related to you.
  

  All of this is spot on, and I'll also chime in by letting you know you don't even need to have a wedding party if you don't want to or can't think of anyone to include.  

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  February 2014

  Picking wedding parties should not be complicated. Like at all. Pick who you want regardless of relation, sex or age.

  
  

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• WildMagelet member

  

  February 2014

  Jen4948 said:

  The only "duties" a wedding party member has is to obtain the specified outfit and show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits on the wedding day.  No one is required to throw any kind of party or do anything else.
  
  Nor are you required to include family members just because they are family members; nor do you need even sides.
  
  Choose the persons you are actually close to, regardless of how many they are or how they are or aren't related to you.
  

  All of this.

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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• Viczaesar member

  

  February 2014

  
  

  QMusic3 said:

  I'm having trouble deciding on my wedding party... 

  
  

  These are my options:
  

  
  

  I have one full brother. We are not close at all. My mom thinks that since I don't have a sister I should include him in the wedding party even though they both live 19 hours away.

  My childhood best friend is a dude. I'd be down to title him my Man of Honor, but he would not be cool with doing the typical Maid of Honor duties. Plus, he lives 13 hours away anyway. 

  I have a half sister (Brenda) and two half brothers (Allan and Kevin). They are much older than me (I am 22; they are 47, 45, 43). I am quite close with Brenda, Allan, and Jody (Allan's wife) but don't know Kevin or his wife hardly at all. I mentioned to my mom that I was considering asking Brenda and Jody, but she said having 47-and-39-year-old bridesmaids at a 22 year olds wedding would look ridiculous and besides, if I ask Jody I should ask Stacy too since she is my other sister-in-law. Brenda, Allan, and Jody live 19 hours away and Kevin/Stacy live 3.

  Brenda and Allan each have two daughters, aged 21, 21, 23, and 24. I am very close with one of them, but she is very immature and hates the other two. I am pretty close with two of them. The fourth I haven't talked to in 15 years (her choice), but her sister is the one I am very close to. They all live 19 hours away except the one who doesn't talk to me who conveniently lives in the same place I do.

  I have two cousins on my moms side aged 18 and 13. I've recently gotten closer to the 18 year old. She lives 4 hours away. Her little sister lives 8. 

  The rest of my childhood, high school friends, and college friends I haven't been close with in the last 3-5 years. I work in a profession that moves me around a lot so the distance has really killed my friendships. None of us girls are really phone-people so we only talk once every couple of years when I visit my parents for Christmas and whatnot. 

  I have one closer girlfriend in the town where I live. Only issue is she is hard to get ahold of and can be flaky at times, but I love her anyway. She has been struggling financially for a while now and is always really busy so I worry that I can't depend on her to be able to handle this.

  My future husband has two brothers who are both married. I'm getting pretty close with one of their wives and I enjoy the others company when I can get it. They both live here. 

  
  

  My fiance will have have his two brothers and is debating between his cousin, a couple friends, or possibly just leaving it at 2. He wants a maximum of 4 though.

  
  

  Any insight as to what a bride does far away from home with no female friends in close proximity?

  RE Bolded #1: there are no typical maid of honor duties, and it doesn't matter at all that he's 13 hours away.
  
  RE Bolded #2: Your mother is wrong.
  
  RE Bolded #3:  All she has to do is show up on the day of your wedding in the dress.  Her lack of money doesn't matter; ask her (privately) what her budget is and select a dress within that budget.  There is nothing else for her to handle, so you don't have to worry about her being able to handle anything.
  
  Overall, none of these concerns matter, and demonstrate that you have a skewed perspective on what a bridesmaid/maid of honor is.  Your BM/MOH should be the people to whom you are closest.  They're the people you call in an emergency and the people you call to share your happy news.  Their gender, age, and location do not matter.  The point of the role is for YOU to honor THEM, not for them to be worker bees or party throwers for you.  No one owes you help planning your wedding; that's you and your FI's job.  No one owes you pre-wedding parties like showers and bachelorettes; these are gifts that may be given by anyone who can and wishes to give them, and sometimes they don't happen at all.  They are not required for you to get married, so in the end it doesn't matter if they happen or not, and you should never select your bridal party with these kinds of parties in mind. 
  
  It sounds like the people to whom you are closest are spread out over a large area, which is not uncommon.  Pick the people whom you can't imagine getting married without having by your side.  Forget numbers, gender, financial situation, location, and age.  With such a wide spread, however, you might think about having all of your people get attire in X color, rather than try to coordinate more exactly matching attire.  Then everyone can shop local to them and get something they feel comfortable in and in their price range.
  

  
  
  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  February 2014

  Picking your wedding party should be a no-brainer. If you have to think about it or hem and haw over who to have, you're doing it wrong. 

  
  

  
  

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  February 2014

  Agree with PPs.  Don't overthink this.  The people you'd call to figuratively help you bury the body are the people you should ask to be in your wedding party, regardless of gender, age, geographic distance from you/wedding location, or number of people on your FI's side, just to name a few.
  
  Ask the people you would regret not having stand up with you.  Budgets for attire can work themselves out and there's absolutely no problem doing something like "wear black" to help ease budgets and let people wear what they already own.   Parties are not necessary.  Since your FI is the only person responsible for helping with DYI projects, that works out too since people live far away. 
  
  FWIW, I'm my sister's MOH; she was mine.  She's getting married in our hometown, just as I did, even though neither of us have lived there for years.  She lives in a second state, I live in a third, and we've still managed to get in plenty of wedding talk together (and even go dress shopping).  We text, we chat online, we Skype occasionally - and she knows I cannot wait to stand up with her, even if I can't help make centerpieces or stuff envelopes.  That's what matters in the end.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• csuave member

  

  February 2014

  Based on what you have said I would either have your guy friend be Man of Honor or a reader (if you are having those).  You don't need to have a large WP or any WP at all.  I actually like the idea of not having a WP because it keeps things simple, can cut costs and is one less thing to stress about.   

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