Comforting my friend

Re: Comforting my friend

• hlvonb member

  

  February 2014

  Blergbot said:

  I just got a text message from one of my BMs and close friends. She ended things with her BF of almost 5 years. She has come a long way to this point, and I'm extremely proud of her. She wasn't up for anything tonight, but tomorrow I'm heading over to her place with a smoothie and to just be there for her. I think just listening is the key, but are there certain things I can say without judging the guy (he did't cheat, he was just a dud and a dead weight on her) and without making it sound like I'm just placating her?

  @Blergbot

  
  

  Don't say anything. Let her vent and cry and do what she's going to do. Coming from someone who was in the same position as your friend, I didn't need anyone saying anything about my ex. I knew he was a dud. I think the only thing you can say is that things will look up soon or something to that effect.

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• KytchynWitche member

  

  February 2014

  Yep, just let her get it all out. You don't need to say anything about the ex - keep your comments focused on her. 

  

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• HaileyDancingbear member

  

  February 2014

  Let her decide where the conversation goes, everyone handles this stuff differently.  I know when my MOH had a break-up like this some days we were trashing the crap out of her ex (Who deserves the criticism) but only because she initiated that and needed to vent a lot of pent-up anger.  Other days I just shut up, gave her a bunch of hugs, and let her cry it out. 
  
  Each time I was equally prepared to rip the dude a new asshole or just sit silently and listen- it really just depends on what she needs at the time.  Definitely don't diss the ex unless she is doing so, and even then feel it out to see if she wants you to join in on that or not.  Sometimes they say stuff just to get it out there, sometimes they say stuff and expect you to validate them.
  
  I'd say don't have an exact game plan set, but rather be prepared to respond in a number of different ways depending on what she needs from you.  Feel it out before doing anything. 
  

  

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• Artemischief member

  

  February 2014

  Whatever you do, do not bash him. If in the future they ever get back together, you can't take back what you say about him. But just listen to her whatever she says.

  

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• JennyColada member

  

  February 2014

  He doesn't sound like a bad guy, they just weren't right for each other, and that's ok.
  
  You don't have to say anything about him. Breakups are a fact of life: they suck, but they happen. She just needs to remember how to be herself (as sometimes we forget in relationships), and that's all you're there to do.

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• Blergbot member

  

  February 2014

  I just let hertell me where the conversation should go, and while we did discuss the problems in the relationship and some of his short comings, I didn't outright bash him. I wanted to be careful, just in case they ever got back together, but I don't think that is happening, actually. I actually cried with her a little today. It hurts to see her hurting. Thanks all for the helpful advice!

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2014

  Sounds like you're doing every right! I ended a 5 year relationship right before I started dating FI. The first few weeks were incredibly hard, even though I knew I was doing the right thing. I broke up with that guy for what sounds like the same reasons your friend broke up with her ex. 

  
  

  The best things my friends did for me was to listen, let me cry and keep me busy with plans/activities. 

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