My cousin had a traditional wedding. Traditional venue, bridesmaids, etc. Im not very close to her although we grew up together. We see each other maybe once a year at family events.
Anyway, so I am going away to Napa for a private ceremony/honeymoon with my soon to be husband. We got engaged in December and are getting married in April. We haven't sent anything out yet but we will send out invites for a family party. I love BBQ and we have a nice 100 person banquet room in our high-rise building that we can use so thats great - we are doing a BBQ in the summer where ill have that meal and beer, wine, soft drinks, etc. Its casual and unpretentious and very much something we are excited about. Also, my fiancé has a much larger family (his mom is one of ten kids!!) many hours away, so we;re gonna do another reception back in his hometown. My fiancé and his mom are splitting the cost of that out of town party and then I'm paying for mine (about what fiancé will pay for his half of their family party back home).
We also wanted to do a separate party for our friends, so we're again renting the banquet room and instead of sit down dinner are doing more of a cocktail, booze oriented party for friends...my fiancé plays rugby so he's got a good 60 people he wants to invite along with all our other friends.
So that's what we're doing and we're happy with it. My aunt wanted to throw me a shower and i asked for it to me more of an engagement party, bc we don't want gifts at all.
with all that said...finally to the main event...
my cousin messages me on Facebook and is going on and on about how i should have presents and how i "deserve" them and i shouldn't feel like i don't deserve them...... wtf??
then she, having no idea what our plans really are, says she heard we are going away to get married and says her dad "looks at me like a daughter" and if i need someone to give me a reception that her dad can give me the reception i "deserve"....again...wtf???
Sorry i am just venting bc I never talk to this girl and haven't spoken to her since I got engaged...I would love to just be like oh how sweet and get on with life, but I couldn't help but feel offended or something...something felt off...like, if i say i don't want presents, doesn't that mean i don't want presents?? Im 31 and my fiancé and i have lived together for 4 yeas - we cook a ton and i love interiors so we have EVERYTHING we need and the thought of registering for housewares just sounds like a giant waste. I don't get why if a woman says she doesn't want wedding presents its bc she must feel she doesn't deserve them????
and second, apparently if you don't have a traditional $30,000 wedding with a reception its bc you can't afford it but you desperately want someone to swoop in and give you one....
I thought about being polite and thanking her but i also need to start begin more direct so i was honest. I told her i don't want presents bc i don't want presents...that of course i deserve them and so does everyone else, but i don't want them, and that I'm a little insulted that other people think its ok to plan my wedding, that if she asked I would have told her what my plans are, which are to have a reception thats planned and scheduled that she will be invited to that I am excited about that I am paying for myself.
I understand when people offer help, and are just trying to be nice, and I've had others do that and it just felt good...this wasn't like that...i can't really put my finger on it, and i mean i hope i didnt completely misread her.
Im so mad...or just perplexed? or annoyed? i dunno. I know i shouldn't be but i guess i am just shocked at the odd tone of that whole Facebook message I got.