Wedding Etiquette Forum

Maid of Honor choice

I'm getting married and I'm wondering if my best friend is not happy with my maid of honor decision. I am getting married in a few months and I have my sister as MOH, however over the last few months my best friend seems kind of distant with me. Let me explain the details.

Ten years ago I was my bff's MOH and some years ago I christened her second child. When I got engaged I wanted my sister to be my MOH because we are very close and have been through a lot the last 6 years from personal/family issues and I believe my sister really deserves the title. Although I did also initially think about my bff for the title I also thought being already her moh in the past, its not necessary for her to be mine. My goddaughter - her daughter - is my flowergirl.

I have thought about adding her as a bridesmaid, but my wedding is so small, I decided not to have any. Just a flowergirl and MOH in my bridal party.

My bff lives a good 900+ miles away from me, so its difficult to see her often to discuss it in person. So I am wondering whether I should bring the topic up by phone or not? I do get the feeling she just wants to play low-profile with me and since we don't see each other that often I can't think of any other reason why she would act in such a way.

Should I come out and just ask her? This is something I would rather ask in person not over the phone!

Re: Maid of Honor choice

  • Don't mention it unless she brings it up
  • If you really want your sister as your MOH, then that's who it should be.  If you don't want your BFF as a bridesmaid, then that's your choice.

    But given the logistical issues of getting her daughter 900 miles to your wedding to be your flower girl, I really have to wonder about having her daughter as your flower girl if you are not going to ask her to be in your wedding party, especially if she is your BFF.
  • my wedding is taking place in my home town, where my best friend lives.
  • The issue I would see here is a change in behavior. Don't assume that has anything to do with you. As a friend, just call her to chat. No wedding, nothing. Just ask how she's doing, and let her talk. She may have other stuff going on, but not want to talk about it because you're wrapped up in wedding planning.

    If she doesn't have anything else wrong, then you can say something along these lines: "Hey I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you as a friend, and I really wished I could have some kind of BP so I could honor you. Your friendship has meant a lot to me. I did ask my sister to be my MOH, but if it weren't for her being my sister I totally would have asked you."
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • I wouldnt bring it up unless she mentions it. Can she be a reader?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You should not have to explain or defend your decision for only have a MOH and that MOH being your sister.

    Do not speak to her about this unless she brings it up.  And if she does bring it up tell her that you are sorry she is upset but that you really just wanted to have a very small wedding party.  And then leave it as that.

  • my wedding is taking place in my home town, where my best friend lives.
    Okay.  I think I'd just ask if something is going on with her, because of late she seems distant and you hope you haven't offended or hurt her.  I wouldn't bring up your wedding specifically though unless she mentions it.
  • I was my bff's maid of honor but my two sisters were mine...you're justified with that.  As other PP's have said, do not bring it up unless she does.  What you can do....to maybe get it out of her...is just call her and check in to see how life is, etc.
  • Thanks for all the advice. I will try my best to find out what's bugging her without bringing up the topic of my bridal party unless she brings it up. But I know her well enough that she won't bring it up.
  • I wouldn't assume that her change in behavior has anything to do with her wedding. If she seems distant, I would talk to her in a totally NOT wedding-related way and find out about her life lately. 
    image
  • Yeah, I would just call her as a friend and keep the wedding out of it.  It could be something else.
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