I absolutely relish in the advice (both serious and snarky)
given on this board so I hope it’s okay to post this here, but I could really
use some insight...
Background: I had a wonderful mother growing up, she was attentive,
loving, sweet, maternal, really, the ideal mom. The way she was with my sisters
and I is what I modeled a lot of my own mothering from. That said, about 6
years ago she went way off the deep end, cheated on my dad several times, left
and came back several times (with my 2 younger sisters still at home), went
into severe depression, abused prescription drugs…just a mess. For about 3 years we all rallied around her,
made sure she had a great therapist, spiritual leader, even sent her to a
wonderful facility in TX to have her meds re-evaluated…and we loved her through
it all. We cried with her, stuck by her, there was unconditional support – we
constantly tried to build her up.
However, she just kept relapsing and hurting my dad (and my
two younger sisters who were still living at home) so in a painful decision,
after years of trying to help her, my dad made the painful, but supported
decision by us, to divorce my mom after 30 years together. He has since moved
on and provided a wonderful, stable life for my two younger sisters who are
still at home. My sisters and I have a
very strained relationship with her though, there’s just no trust; she’s abused
it so many times. With that…
In the last 3 years my mom has “attempted” to take her life
two times, the second being last night. She does this by OD’ing on prescription
pain meds. Here is where I will be honest…
As a 31 year old woman with a child of my own, I am angry at
her. I feel like this is as selfish of an “act” that you can commit. I could
never do this to my child no matter how awful I felt. The first time she did
this I had sympathy, this time; I almost feel nothing but numb. I haven’t
reached out to her yet and I don’t even know if I should. She has had years and
years of help given to her but it is almost as if she doesn’t want to get
better. She keeps rehashing the past. She just…lives there. And we have all
told her that we’ve forgiven her, we love her, we just want her happy but it
never seems to sink in…
I love my mom, but in a sense, the mom I knew died years
ago. I don’t know how to relate to this woman, I don’t know what to say…on top
of it, I’m getting married this October and…ladies, how do I look at this woman
and attempt to honor her when she clearly doesn’t care if she lives or dies or
is in my life…I’m very stuck in what the right thing to do with her is.