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Bridal Party Dress Responsibility- If the dresses are not ordered in time

PennyBlossom2311PennyBlossom2311 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
Hello everyone, 

This one is actually not for me but rather a friend who has run into a situation. A friend of mine is a bridesmaid for a friend of hers and has run into, well an issue that she would like to have some advice on.  
She is in a wedding that has six BM They all had a deadline of ordering their dresses a little over a month ago. Well two of the the girls got their orders in pretty quick. (From my understanding the style kept changing and changing again, so that was the reason no one put their deposits down. When the decision was finally made, the dresses turned out being on the expensive side. I'm gathering that there was a chunk of money due for a deposit that some BM were not expecting.) Now the deadline has passed for the dresses to be ordered/made/shipped/altered on time and my friend is in panic mode. She and another MB have purchased their dresses but none of the other girls have. She would like to know what is the protocol? If the bride goes with another dress bc the orders were put in late, should she pay for the two that did order in time? I've never been in this situation so I am not sure of the protocol. She doesn't want to make waves but will not have an expensive dress she won't be wearing on top of another dress she won't be wearing again. Those are all the details I know, but I told her I would ask. 
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Re: Bridal Party Dress Responsibility- If the dresses are not ordered in time

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If the bride is insistent on all of them wearing the same dress, and picks another dress, then yes, she needs to reimburse the maids who bought a dress for that one, or pay for the new one. Preferably both.

    Generally we tell brides that the only responsibility the maids have are to get the dress and show up wearing it, clean, sober, and smiling. If they don't do that, they have taken themselves out of the wedding, unless the bride is willing to make other arrangements (wearing something they already have, buying the dress for them, etc).  Bride is responsible for asking the maids individually and privately for their budget, and is responsible for staying within that budget, or paying the overage herself.

    Your friend could buy them new dresses herself, let them wear whatever they want (within a few guidelines like formality, color, etc), or tell them they need to make arrangements to get the dress, period.
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  • PennyBlossom2311PennyBlossom2311 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    My friend isn't the bride but is one of the BM's that bought the dress. She was asking because she was told that it was too late for the other girls to order their dresses and was venting because she is now the proud owner of an unusable dress. She said the bride mentioned going in another direction and wanted to know if telling her "I'll get a new one, if you pay for it." was acceptable. I feel for both the two BM's that ordered their dresses and the bride. I am a bit miffed that the dress prices went up and the bride should certainly have taken that into account. But in the same sense I feel bad because rather than saying anything, the other four girls just didn't order their dresses. I'm not sure if there was a budget talk or if ordering similar dresses has been brought up. She was venting and before she said something to the bride or the other girls, she wanted to know what others would do in this situation. If I was in my friend's position, I would be mad at both the bride for upping the price (I'm not sure how much we're talking, of if it was not talked about) and mad at the other girls for not saying anything in the month leading up to the deadline. 
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  • coronado11coronado11 member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    the bride changed the dresses thats on her. I think your friend should just voice her concern. Tell her that she already bought the dress and cant afford the other and see what the bride suggests since she but the BM in that situation. Basically put the bride on the spot and let her know what she did. She probably doesn't even realize its a problem. 
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, your friend would be entirely justified in saying that she bought the dress as instructed, and cannot buy another one. The bride should either offer to reimburse her or buy the next one, or just tell the other maids to figure out how to get the right dress. I would absolutely say something to the bride, if I was your friend.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yes, the bride needs to reimburse your friend and the other bridesmaid for the money they spent on dresses for her that they're now not going to wear because she changed her mind.

    And the bride needs to make up her mind and stick to it.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is all on the bride, but there are a few options: 

    1. The bride reimburses the two BMs who HAVE bought the dress for their dresses, and all the BMs buy a new dress.

    2. The bride allows the other BMs to purchase a similar, but not identical, dress to the original BMs' dress, and it's kind of a mis-matched look.

    3. The bride decides that, since the ONE duty of the BP is to buy the right dress and show up on time, and these BMs haven't bought the right dress, they aren't BMs any longer. 

    4. The bride needs to stop changing her effing mind, and she needs to have an honest conversation with each BM privately about their budgets.

    No. 4 has to happen regardless; the other three are remedies for the current dress issue.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • PennyBlossom2311PennyBlossom2311 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    My friend told me that budget was never discussed. I was like "whhhhhaaaaat?!" When she told me this. 
    She said the bride's reasoning was, Well it WILL be a dress everyone can wear again and it's reasonably priced. Ok, reasonably priced means very different thing to different people. And, If we're honest here, no matter how many times I have heard this, I have NEVER worn a bridesmaid dress again. My sister had very beautiful dresses, but unless I went to a very formal black tie affair, I wouldn't be able to wear it again. Although I saved it just in case. I couldn't believe when my friend told me budgets were never brought up. 

    I did find out that the reason the other girls didn't get their dresses was that the bride wanted major alterations done after the dresses came in. From what my friend said this added another $60+ to  the dress. Unfortunately, my friend and the other BM didn't know this when they bought them. I'm just flabbergasted by the extreme lack of consideration and communication of the bride to the bridal party. I'm just glad I'm not in this situation. I did pass along the advice received here and my friend told the bride unless she bought her another dress, she would be showing up in the one she paid for whether, the bride liked it or not. If she didn't like it she would show up in the dress as a guest. There are just no words. 
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The bride is being ridiculous! This is EXACTLY why one should discuss budgets individually, before a dress is chosen.

    It doesn't matter if she could wear it every day of the rest of her life, if it is more that one person wants to spend on a dress, then the BM's do not have to buy it.

    I think your friend needs to have a serious talk with the bride and say "Friend, I purchased a dress and that is all I can do. If you find another dress, I will be unable to purchase it. How would you like me to proceed? " and let the bride sort out this mess. Frankly, if she chooses another dress, she may be able to cancel the existing ones and only lose the deposit (bride should pay for this). But she will have to act fast. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your friend should put her foot down.  "I'm sorry, but I've already spent more than I'm comfortable with buying this dress.  I will not be springing for expensive alterations or for another dress.  If you want those things, you are going to need to pay for them."  
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