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Invite ex-bridesmaid to Bachelorette Party?

KempKristoff_23075812KempKristoff_23075812 member
Second Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
A month after asking one of my best friends to be my bridesmaid (and her accepting), she was asked to be a bridesmaid in one of her other friend's weddings on the same date and she eventually decided to attend that friend's wedding over mine. It was heartbreaking for me, but after her apology and some time for me to get over it we've continued to be very close friends and talk all the time. She has continued to offer to be a part of my wedding as much as I'm comfortable with and I do talk to her about the wedding plans and will invite her to the bridal shower my aunts are hosting. 

I can't decide if I want to include her for the bachelorette party. We're going to Vegas and I know she will come if invited. I also know I would have so much fun with her there - honestly, I talk to her more than most of my bridesmaids, and it would be a really fun memory. We've been friends for 15 years, it kills me that she's missing the wedding, but we could still share the bachelorette party together. At the same time, it took me so long to get over how hurtful this has been, and having her at the bachelorette party could just bring up all of those feelings again right before the wedding. Plus my other bridesmaids spent a lot of time making me feel better after she bailed, and it could be rude for me to ask them to include her after they all had to see me get hurt. 

What should I do?
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Re: Invite ex-bridesmaid to Bachelorette Party?

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Is she still invited to the wedding, even if you already know she's not planning on attending?
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You say you would have so much fun with her and that you talk to her more than anyone else. This is a no brainer to me.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • KempKristoff_23075812KempKristoff_23075812 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    Yes she's still invited to the wedding - she's holding out hope that she can get one of hourglass necklaces like Hermione and go to both (but in all seriousness if there was some emergency that changed the date of either wedding then yes she would come to mine).
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Then yes! She still seems like an incredibly close friend to you and it's a shame she chose the other wedding over yours...but if you want her there and think she'll make your party even better, then why not?
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  • Gina0887Gina0887 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes! She's a close friend who you would enjoy spending your last "single days" with!
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  • smilyariessmilyaries member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Excuse me for asking but why did she choose to be part of her friend's wedding, even though you asked first and she agreed to be part of your wedding? After all, you said that your friend are really close for over 15 years. Did your friend tell her friend that she was part of your wedding which is on the same date?
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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    smilyaries said:
    Excuse me for asking but why did she choose to be part of her friend's wedding, even though you asked first and she agreed to be part of your wedding? After all, you said that your friend are really close for over 15 years. Did your friend tell her friend that she was part of your wedding which is on the same date?
    She may have agreed to be in both weddings before the dates were picked.  

    Just because she's been a friend with the OP for a long time doesn't mean she's not allowed to have other friends and it certainly doesn't mean that the other bride isn't allowed to pick her own wedding date that works best for her & her FI.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I say invite her! Plenty of bachelorette parties that I've been to include college friends, work friends, etc. who are not bridesmaids. It's a night out (nights out?) to celebrate with your friends - bring who you want!

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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    smilyaries said:
    Excuse me for asking but why did she choose to be part of her friend's wedding, even though you asked first and she agreed to be part of your wedding? After all, you said that your friend are really close for over 15 years. Did your friend tell her friend that she was part of your wedding which is on the same date?

    This is irrelevant...it could be anything.  maybe she agreed to both before dates were picked.  Maybe she would have to travel to OP's wedding but not to the other one, so it just makes logistical sense for her to go to that one instead.  she's obviously still close with OP, so i think inviting her to the bachelorette is a no-brainer.
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  • KempKristoff_23075812KempKristoff_23075812 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    I did already have my date selected, then she was asked to be in the other bride's wedding party without knowing the date so she accepted assuming she would be able to do both. That bride later happened to choose my same date and the bridesmaid was left to decide what to do. 

    She easily could have elected to be in my wedding without hurting the other bride's feelings because she had the automatic excuse of having said yes to me first. It wouldn't have had to be a personal "I like her better than you" situation, simply better etiquette for her to stick with her original commitment. Since that didn't happen it does leave me with the clear knowledge that I'm just less important in her life than this other person. It also sucks that the other bride wasn't willing to "step down" and tell her that since I asked first she feels the right thing for her to do is to choose my wedding. Instead both the other bride and I spent a month hoping she would choose our respective weddings, and the bridesmaid spent a month agonizing over what to do.

    Both weddings are a short drive for the bridesmaid and we both have the same number of bridesmaids (I would understand choosing the other wedding if she were going to be the only bridesmaid or something). Probably the biggest deciding factor is that all 30 of her college friends will be at the other wedding, whereas at my wedding it would just be a couple of mutual friends and her parents.

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  • KempKristoff_23075812KempKristoff_23075812 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    Maybe the saddest part is that I know she will regret this choice in the long run. She just graduated from college a few weeks ago (we're not extremely young, it just took her a little longer). She's living back with her parents and I can already tell she feels less close with her college friends, meanwhile our friendship has been strong for 15 years. I can't tell you how many times over the past years I've consoled her because of her college friends backstabbing each other and sleeping with the guy the other one liked or whatever. All of those people will fade away once they don't all go to the exact same bars every weekend but I will still be her friend 60 years from now.  

    I think a little bit of me is still holding out hope that she will change her mind, which is why it could be risky to have her at the bachelorette party because I'm probably still working to accept that her decision is made. 
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can see how it would hurt your feelings that your wedding was her 'second pick'.  If I were the friend, I would be the BM in the wedding that I already agreed to be in and say sorry to the other couple.
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