E-ring=dedication?

Blackbird230 · February 2014

I saw this (CLICK) blog post this morning and as a girl engaged without a ring, it made me mad.

As much as I know every girl wants a ring, to directly attach that with your man's determination and dedication seems really wrong. Yes engagement rings signify a union. It's a promise. However, in no way should a man have to work his butt off and spend tons of money to "show his dedication and worthiness."

Engagement rings are a great gesture and they mean a lot, but what's more important is what the couple together can handle financially and what they want. Attaching worthiness and dedication is way more pressure than guys need.

Thoughts?

emmyg65 · February 2014

Yeah, I'm not a fan of "Every ____ Should ____" articles in general, and this one in particular. A physical object has nothing to do with my husband's dedication to me, or mine to him. Also, why just an engagement ring for the woman? Shouldn't the man get one too?

minskat30 · February 2014

Gag me. I'd take a dedicated, loving, kind man who will hold my hand through the best and worst times of life than a piece of bling any day, and I told H the same thing. H didn't show me how worthy I was by buying me a ring, he showed me by staying by my side for months of ups and downs as I lost my Dad while we were planning our wedding, by staying by my side and encouraging me as I lost my mentor and had to switch job paths, by supporting me in my dreams/goals even when they aren't always easy and require a lot of work and sacrifice on his part too, etc.

phira · February 2014

Do you know how badly I DIDN'T want a ring?!

blabla89 · February 2014

Agree with @emmyg65 - Just because someone can get a few hits on their blog doesn't mean they're entitled to dictate how I should think, feel, or act.

I do want a ring, and I appreciate that BF is working hard and saving diligently for it. But I also know that not every couple wants one, and not every couple is in a position to purchase one.

CLoGreenEyes · February 2014

So, don't hate me, but I can actually see SOME degree of logic in her post. Yeah, people have to work hard to be in a relationship. That's the truth of it, and I don't want to be with someone who makes ZERO effort to meet my needs and at least some of my wants every now and again.

The part where this lady fails is equating the hard work specifically to an engagement ring. The hard work, the "down payment," if you will, is in doing every day what your partner needs to feel loved and secure with you - whether that's giving gifts like a nice piece of bling, writing a love note, scraping off the car after it snows, whatever. Both partners in a relationship have to do this, not just the one with the penis. I don't think it's wrong to want an engagement ring, nor do I think an engagement ring is necessary. To me, it's much more about whether the person I love does everything he can every day to enrich my life, and whether I do the same in return for him. Buying me a pretty engagement ring is one thing he might do, but my faith and trust in a man to love me the way I need is based on so much more than that.

mbross3 · February 2014

UGH. Wanting an engagement ring is completely fine, but I do not believe that the ring defines the relationship! It can be a lovely symbol, etc.

However I have to completely disagree with the idea that every woman NEEDS one. Also with the idea that buying a ring is the way a man can show that he is dedicated and willing to sacrifice for the relationship. First of all, why is it only important that the man show this? Shouldn't both people in the relationship be dedicated and willing to sacrifice (I hate how this is so gender based. There do exist relationships without men that are totally loving and dedicated!). Second of all, it seems like there are many ways to show dedication in a relationship (ways that don't revolve around a ring).

phira · February 2014

CLoGreenEyes said:

So, don't hate me, but I can actually see SOME degree of logic in her post. Yeah, people have to work hard to be in a relationship. That's the truth of it, and I don't want to be with someone who makes ZERO effort to meet my needs and at least some of my wants every now and again.

The part where this lady fails is equating the hard work specifically to an engagement ring. The hard work, the "down payment," if you will, is in doing every day what your partner needs to feel loved and secure with you - whether that's giving gifts like a nice piece of bling, writing a love note, scraping off the car after it snows, whatever. Both partners in a relationship have to do this, not just the one with the penis. I don't think it's wrong to want an engagement ring, nor do I think an engagement ring is necessary. To me, it's much more about whether the person I love does everything he can every day to enrich my life, and whether I do the same in return for him. Buying me a pretty engagement ring is one thing he might do, but my faith and trust in a man to love me the way I need is based on so much more than that.

This is the number one reason why I did not want an engagement ring. Too often, I feel like in American culture, it's treated as a down payment. People ask about the price, the quality of the (obviously) diamond. We treat engagements without rings as if they're somehow less committed than with a ring. One of the reasons why I am glad to wear an engagement ring is that I don't have to deal with people who might say things like, "How do you know he really wants to marry you?" or, "Is it because he can't afford one?" etc.

Dignity100 · February 2014

My Thought: The article really didn't SAY much and it was a slow news day. I think the author is just trying to justify why she wants a ring to be honest.

Pepperally · February 2014

In this day and age, a ring is a gesture of intent...not necessarily the only way to demonstrate that intent, but one way that is widely accepted (and in some circles expected). For some couples, it's a formal way to announce their intent to the world. For some, it's some sad way of "proving" something to people by how much they spend, how big the rock is, etc. That type of superficiality is what I take issue with. To those who use it as a gesture and symbol of intent, I'm all for it. For those who think it's a status symbol, I say grow up.

I disagree that is has to be a man paying for the whole thing, or a man paying tons of money for it. Most couples agree that it's a tradition they want to uphold and so they make it work within their means, either jointly or one-sided. I know my guy is saving for a ring, so I basically pay bills and not tell him or ask him for his half (unless he asks about it), because I know he's saving.

For those who "expect" it, and expect it to cost a certain amount and weigh certain amount, it's just shallow.

phira · February 2014

@TwoDimes My partner REALLY wanted to give me an engagement ring. I finally agreed on the condition that I would buy him one and he would wear it every day until we were married and he would wear a wedding band instead. It ended up morphing into both of us picking our and paying for our rings together (which is good--we each would have gotten the other person a ring they wouldn't have loved, and it was impossible to set a fair budget).

lennonkdc · February 2014

The author seems like the type of woman who would turn down a proposal if the diamond wasn't big enough, but then again I'm one of those 'Feminists' so what do I know about romance..

FI proposed without a ring, and when I got mine 2 months later it felt more like a special gift to celebrate this new stage in our lives/relationship. Its not a down payment, nor is it a sign of how hard a worker FI is or how dedicated he is to 'taking care of me' and 'seeing to my happiness'. We take care of each other and no one can make you happy, not all the time and not if you're not already happy with yourself.

In summation the author point is stupid, she should turn off Dr. Laura and hang out with some of us feminists.

phira · February 2014

lennonkdc said:

The author seems like the type of woman who would turn down a proposal if the diamond wasn't big enough, but then again I'm one of those 'Feminists' so what do I know about romance..

FI proposed without a ring, and when I got mine 2 months later it felt more like a special gift to celebrate this new stage in our lives/relationship. Its not a down payment, nor is it a sign of how hard a worker FI is or how dedicated he is to 'taking care of me' and 'seeing to my happiness'. We take care of each other and no one can make you happy, not all the time and not if you're not already happy with yourself.

In summation the author point is stupid, she should turn off Dr. Laura and hang out with some of us feminists.

ME TOO.

Teddy917 · February 2014

Just a little interesting twist on her logic. My husband gave me a ring when we got engaged. He was receiving social security income at the time. So he didn't work for it. So if a ring shows dedication, then what's mine show. He didn't work for my ring. But he shows dedication in the day-to-day stuff.

selenathegreat · February 2014

Ugh, vomit. Sure, it's nice to get a pretty, expensive present, but total turds are capable of buying really expensive presents. It's the commitment to the relationship that shows true dedication. I mean, to get all Game of Thrones, Joffrey might buy you a nice piece of jewelry, but you don't want to marry him.

bride2b71614 · February 2014

Let me start off by saying that I disliked this article. The author came off scatterbrained and immature at best. It also seems like she doesn't know what it means to be loved. Who knows, maybe she grew up where love was shown by giving each other gifts. Personally, I believe that dedication and love shouldn't be equated to how much is spent on a material object. I do have an engagement ring. My FI designed it, it was a sweet gesture, but unnecessary. I wear it because it makes him happy to see me wearing it (I also like the design) but this ring doesn't show our commitment, how dedicated we are to each other, or how much we love each other. Hands down, I would spend the rest of my life with him with or without a ring.

E-ring=dedication?

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