Let her help?

hlvonb · February 2014

So first off, let me make it clear that I KNOW that the bridal party does not have any duties or jobs. This is a situation where the bridesmaid OFFERED to help me with something.

So, this particular bridesmaid is FI's sister. She offered to help me with a project I had related to the wedding. I at first wanted to sway know because she has offered to help in the past with both wedding and non wedding related things and has "dropped the ball" more often than not but I agreed to let her help anyway and of course I ended up doing it all myself because she never did it. I gave her a deadline of 2 days before I actually needed it (which gave her about 1 1/2 weeks) and then I had to do it myself in 2 days. Which, I knew was probably going to happen.

She keeps asking me if there's anything she can do. She'll call me up and ask "Hey do you need me to do this or that?" or "Hey I would really like to do ____ for you. Can I do it?" She has asked me this 3 times since this last situation. (It's been 1 week)

My question is: Would you continue to give her things to do or politely decline?

AprilH81 · February 2014

Can you offer to do it together? That may be a good way to let her feel involved and still make sure the project gets done. Since she flakes out often I wouldn't give her complete control of anything to do that you "must" have at the wedding.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

I agree with PP, ask her to help you with something that you can both do together, that way she can be as involved, or uninvolved, as she wants without messing up your schedule.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Honestly? No, I wouldn't. I'd bean-dip her, or I'd politely decline.

If she keeps asking, since this is FI's sister, I'd probably have him tell her, privately, "look, you have a pretty crappy track record on following through with things you offer to help with, both wedding-related and not-wedding-related, so we're kind of done asking you or accepting your help."

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Yea, I'd either let her work on something together with you (so it won't be a big loss if she flakes out again) or bean-dip her to death.

Rebl90 · February 2014

I'm with HisGirl, I'd put an end to the "helping" now, if it gets too stressful it could build up negativity between the two of you. A couple of my BMs have repeatedly told me they would "do anything to help" and each time I have politely thanked them for their willingness and then said that everything should be taken care of so they can just relax and have fun.

hlvonb · February 2014

AprilH81 said:

Can you offer to do it together? That may be a good way to let her feel involved and still make sure the project gets done. Since she flakes out often I wouldn't give her complete control of anything to do that you "must" have at the wedding.

@AprilH81

I would but that's hard to do when she lives about 2 states away

hlvonb · February 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

I agree with PP, ask her to help you with something that you can both do together, that way she can be as involved, or uninvolved, as she wants without messing up your schedule.

@HaileyDancingbear

Like I mentioned in my reply to AprilH81 that might be a good idea if she didn't live 2 states away.

hlvonb · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Honestly? No, I wouldn't. I'd bean-dip her, or I'd politely decline.

If she keeps asking, since this is FI's sister, I'd probably have him tell her, privately, "look, you have a pretty crappy track record on following through with things you offer to help with, both wedding-related and not-wedding-related, so we're kind of done asking you or accepting your help."

@HisGirlFriday13

Thanks! That's what I was thinking but I don't want to cause "drama" or rifts in the family. I like your suggestion of having my fiance talk to her though. That might work pretty well... I hope

hlvonb · February 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Yea, I'd either let her work on something together with you (so it won't be a big loss if she flakes out again) or bean-dip her to death.

@Cookie Pusher

It looks like I will have to bean-dip her. Working on it together would be very hard since she's 2 states away

hlvonb · February 2014

Rebl90 said:

I'm with HisGirl, I'd put an end to the "helping" now, if it gets too stressful it could build up negativity between the two of you. A couple of my BMs have repeatedly told me they would "do anything to help" and each time I have politely thanked them for their willingness and then said that everything should be taken care of so they can just relax and have fun.

@Rebl90

Thanks!

cruffino · February 2014

I would say you've got everything under control. That's what I've told people and it's fine. They're just being nice. I don't think it's worth creating drama by telling her that she's unreliable.

doeydo · February 2014

Sure, I'd invite her over and then the two of you can eat and drink whatever you are into while working on some DIY projects.
Edited: Oh, she lives two states away. Well then maybe just say thank you but no thank you then bean dip her.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

cruffino said:

I would say you've got everything under control. That's what I've told people and it's fine. They're just being nice. I don't think it's worth creating drama by telling her that she's unreliable.

I only suggest doing that if she keeps pushing and demanding to help and wanting to know why she's not being included. Otherwise, bean dip.

hlvonb · February 2014

cruffino said:

I would say you've got everything under control. That's what I've told people and it's fine. They're just being nice. I don't think it's worth creating drama by telling her that she's unreliable.

@cruffino

I wouldn't tell her she's unreliable. I know better than that

Let her help?

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