NWR Invitation for party at dinner time - shouldn't you provide dinner?

icecreamS04 · February 2014

So here it goes... we are invited to a birthday on saturday 7pm...
birthday girl said she's going to provide light snacks and drinks...party is in their flat.... FI doesn't think anything is wrong with this, but where I grew up, you are expected to provide a dinner (or snacks that make up for a full dinner) if you invite someone during dinner time and I'm kind of pissed that I'm going to be forced to cook dinner for us and get ready for that wonderful party. So am I wrong to expect some sort of dinner?

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

You are correct. If you host a party over a normal meal time, you are expected to provide either a full meal or heavy enough hors d'oeuvres to count for a full meal.

You're not wrong; she's being rude.

Not that that will change anything. I'd show up late, saying, "I'm sorry, but this was our dinner time, and since we weren't getting dinner here, we had to eat at home, which made us late."

MyNameIsNot · February 2014

That wouldn't fly in my crowd. Several of my friends hate hosting dinner, so they start their house parties at 8-9.

I would go to dinner before showing up. If it makes me late, it makes me late.

photokitty · February 2014

In my circle bday's don't include dinner, but they also don't start at 7pm. I would hope it would be heavy snacks, but I wouldn't expect dinner. I would also think it is the type of party that I could stop by whenever I wanted, aka after I ate dinner. I'd just swing by after 8:30pm if it was me

manateehugger · February 2014

Someone post The Office gif for me!! On mobile.

And yeah, if she doesn't want to fee you, she should have hosted the party later in the evening.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

I'm used it being invited to parties during our dinner time because we typically eat around 8 or 9 so this wouldn't bother me. No matter what time a party is (well unless it is a family thing because we all love to cook) I don't expect to be fed a meal though. We're not dinner party people.

MrsMack10612 · February 2014

What's the definition of snacks?

If we host something later in the day like that for a big crowd, we do heavy apps, but will refer to it as snacks and munchies. Of course, our crowd knows that we love to cook and generally will go overboard, so they know there will plenty of food and more than enough to cover a meal.

I think if snacks means cheese and veggie plates, yeah, that's not cool.

icecreamS04 · February 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

I think if snacks means cheese and veggie plates, yeah, that's not cool.

for past events at their house... yes... those are snacks... + crisps, nachos, peanuts...

Thank you everyone for your input.

MrsMack10612 · February 2014

We usually have those sorts of things too, but I also usually make a vat of sauce with meatballs and rolls for sandwiches, a deli platter, things like that. Nothing too fussy, but filling.

cruffino · February 2014

i wouldn't expect dinner at 7PM. i would eat before i went anyway.

s-aries8990 · February 2014

I would think they should serve some heavy appetizers - enough to make a meal if there is going to be drinking, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a full "meal" meal... KWIM?

indianaalum · February 2014

I think 7 is late enough to not consider it a "meal time" for many people.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

indianaalum said:

I think 7 is late enough to not consider it a "meal time" for many people.

Meh, not really. I think you'd be surprised how many people sit down to eat at 7pm.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

indianaalum said:

I think 7 is late enough to not consider it a "meal time" for many people.

Meh, not really. I think you'd be surprised how many people sit down to eat at 7pm.

FI and I tend to eat more like 8-9pm since I don't even walk in the door from work until 6 on a good night (yay Jersey traffic). That being said, I think it's very much a know your crowd kind of thing. Most of my friends have young kids, so if we were getting together at 7 for an informal party, they would have had family dinner already. I'd still have fairly heavy snack/apps (and plenty of them), but not necessarily an actual dinner service. Family, on the other hand, I would put out a full meal because they all tend to eat late or would be traveling to us during the normal time they'd be eating.

MyNameIsNot · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

indianaalum said:

I think 7 is late enough to not consider it a "meal time" for many people.

Meh, not really. I think you'd be surprised how many people sit down to eat at 7pm.

This. Call any restaurant and ask them when the busiest time of day is. It's always between 7-8, because that's when most people eat. 6:00 is the early bird special.

Simply Fated · February 2014

indianaalum said:

I think 7 is late enough to not consider it a "meal time" for many people.

For me, yes. On a usual day I eat dinner between 4:30 and 5, but that's because lunch is very early for me, 11 at the latest. I'm in the minority, though. My closest friends have their lunch breaks at 1, my SO has his at 3. So when I'm with them, I adjust myself. It can be frustrating, as I can get pretty hungry when meeting them for a meal. It is what it is.

banana468 · February 2014

We eat at 7 most nights. If you invite me over for that time, I assume that there will be a meal or enough pickies to equal a meal. We did that with Super Bowl Sunday. We didn't have a sit down dinner but no one left hungry.

With that sort of request, I'd be annoyed.

lyndausvi · February 2014

indianaalum said:

I think 7 is late enough to not consider it a "meal time" for many people.

Sounds like someone from Indiana. But if you look at any restaurant at 7pm you will find that indeed 7pm is dinner time.

lyndausvi · February 2014

I've never once invited people over to my place and NOT had food enough to consider it a meal. I don't care if you come over at 11am or 9pm. There is enough food for people to gorge themselves. Whether they choose to is their options. However, it's always an option to them. I, myself eat lunch between 11-3 and dinner between 5-9. If I don't have a normal meal time how can I predict other people's meal time?

Any leftovers get sent home with the last guest, eaten by use as leftovers or just plain thrown away.

MrsMarende · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

I've never once invited people over to my place and NOT had food enough to consider it a meal. I don't care if you come over at 11am or 9pm. There is enough food for people to gorge themselves. Whether they choose to is their options. However, it's always an option to them. I, myself eat lunch between 11-3 and dinner between 5-9. If I don't have a normal meal time how can I predict other people's meal time?

Any leftovers get sent home with the last guest, eaten by use as leftovers or just plain thrown away.

Exactly!

When I have people over I make sure I can host them properly.

I recently went to a Birthday Party that started at 7pm. Not only did we not get dinner, but the invite said bring something for you to drink and a snack.

This person is notorious for only hosting parties to which her guests are the actual ones hosting, and frankly I had had enough. I brought her a gift and nothing else.

I guess all of her other friends felt the same way because there was only small amount of beer and a handle of vodka that was already at their home. There were no mixers and no snacks.

A group of us were playing beer pong in the back and realized we had run out of beer, so I asked my FI to go get some. A mutual friend of ours went with him and later FI told me that the other gentleman was complaining about how they never host properly and said how they never have food and always want you to BYOB.

People may think no one cares, but they do and they talk about how rude you are!

afox007 · February 2014

I usually eat at 7 since that is when FI is walking in the door and I do backwards math with recipes to start so it is ready to serve when he gets home. I recently helped a friend with a party she was hosting at 6 and she planned on snacks (chip/dip, cheeses, and veggies) I ran to the store made a ton of heavy apps.

EVERY guest showed up at 8 because they were already informed it was just light snacks before I went all Martha Stewart.

LondonLisa · February 2014

Yes, I agree I would expect a meal at 7. She should expect people to be late because they are eating or very drunk as they have only had crisps to eat for dinner!

Is it just an informal party? I usually don't like to go to a party late, but maybe respond and say "sounds great, but I have a prior commitment. Would it be ok to come at 8:30?". She doesn't need to know your prior commitment is dinner.

jenna8984 · February 2014

In my circle, even when the party starts at 8-9 we have lots of heavy apps and at 10pm order pizzas. It may not be neccessary but it sure keeps everyone happy and people don't say "I'm never going back to her parties, I was starving"

ei34 · February 2014

I'm with you OP, if I was invited to a party at 7 I'd expect a meal (or enough apps to be well-fed). As other PPs have said, regardless of the time of day that I have guests over (invited or drop-in) I put out a meal or a generous spread of apps.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

I've never once invited people over to my place and NOT had food enough to consider it a meal. I don't care if you come over at 11am or 9pm. There is enough food for people to gorge themselves. Whether they choose to is their options. However, it's always an option to them. I, myself eat lunch between 11-3 and dinner between 5-9. If I don't have a normal meal time how can I predict other people's meal time?

Any leftovers get sent home with the last guest, eaten by use as leftovers or just plain thrown away.

^This.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

I would like to add that in my circle most of us eat around 6pm and always get together for and just hang out around 7-7:30. I am not saying its right but in my crowd thats a common practice. At least she tried to give you a heads up that it won't be a full meal.

I will not dismiss the behavoir as I feel this should be hosted with more then chips and dip but maybe she just doesn't realize that others eat that late?

Also growing up my parents made dinner at 4:30pm early as shit but thats because they worked early and bed time was like 8 or so.

Edit to add

Amyzen83 · February 2014

I don't really recall any party where I wasn't satisfied, little Cesar's has $5 pizzas and then there's the frozen aisle at the grocery store with a plethora of yummy appetizer options that can be inexpensive. So there's no excuse for starving your guests!

NWR Invitation for party at dinner time - shouldn't you provide dinner?

Re: NWR Invitation for party at dinner time - shouldn't you provide dinner?

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